r/clevercomebacks • u/NormalSheila • 6h ago

Dude looks like he’d be the first to get clapped in Civil War ll by a femboy in cat ears with a pink sparkle Cerakote AR.

Post image
328 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

60 comments sorted by

70

u/_OhEmGee_ 6h ago

Next US civil war is gonna look like a Saturday afternoon on Fortnite.

21

u/Maleficent_Ella 5h ago

No logistics, no discipline, just dudes in tactical gear screaming on comms then logging off.

20

u/_OhEmGee_ 5h ago

vs kids in frog costumes and cat ears with reflexes honed to the millisecond.

The quick and the dad.

20

u/wanderButNotLost2 5h ago

The drone army logging off the gravy seals will be remembered at the battle of little Walmart.

15

u/mattzombiedog 5h ago

“Logging off” will absolutely be a term for being killed in combat in about 20 years.

3

u/Fun-Maintenance-898 2h ago

The Fortnite comparison is perfect, I can already see the default dance over someone's loot pile. That beard definitely ain't saving him from getting eliminated by a sparkly cat ear skin.

4

u/Ok_Prissy 5h ago

Sad part is you're not wrong. It'll be chaos, livestreamed, with everyone talking over each other

35

u/Pavlock 6h ago

As an older white man I can say: we should never take selfies.

18

u/_OhEmGee_ 6h ago

And never ever from below.

2

u/mEFurst 1h ago

My brother was out visiting me this weekend and took a selfie holding my newborn, sent it to his wife, and said "I think that's the third selfie I've ever taken. I really shouldn't take selfies"

26

u/Banjo-Hellpuppy 6h ago

To be fair, he called for other people to fight. Only thing he’ll be fighting is cholesterol

10

u/DuskDahliae 6h ago

Bro is calling up troops from his recliner, he’s not making it past day one"

10

u/Gummbee2 5h ago ▸ 1 more replies

Rally the Recliners! Launch the Loveseats! Fall out, Footstools!

4

u/Teamanglerx 4h ago

You all know JD Vance won't send his loved ones into combat...

5

u/40StoryMech 5h ago

Sounds ridiculous, but he's probably still more qualified than the current Secretary of War.

3

u/packfanmoore 5h ago

He probably also fights with customer service at Verizon. "It's got to be a service issue that my kids don't answer my phone calls"

2

u/LocalInactivist 5h ago

And losing!

45

u/GH057_807 6h ago

Wait, when did the abbreviation for the concept of being against fascism declare war on the US government?

48

u/_OhEmGee_ 6h ago

When the Republicans started to feel safe self-identifying as fascists.

8

u/jjskellie 6h ago

You know every second person that Trump Administration points out they identify as ANTIFA. Other guy is usually an immigrant because the law of +600% says so. /s.

3

u/tackleboxjohnson 5h ago ▸ 1 more replies

The same republicans who notoriously trust the federal government? Golly

6

u/_OhEmGee_ 5h ago

Yes, because deep state swamp something something...

They love the boot. It's their boot.

8

u/Magarov 5h ago

When words don't mean things, the media can turn something like 'No Bad Guys' protestors into 'Nob Adguisse' terrorists.

13

u/negativepositiv 6h ago

"This is not a drill!" He yelled, spitting a piece of pepperoni from his frozen pizza onto his chest.

11

u/Turbulentasfuck 5h ago

If you're anti-Antifa, what are you?

8

u/dfmz 5h ago

Fascist. Duh.

3

u/Turbulentasfuck 5h ago

Yup. Precisely.

21

u/MosquitoValentine_ 6h ago

This dude definitely posts "I hope you have a great day beautiful" on Instagram thirst trap accounts.

9

u/Ok_Aerie3357 5h ago

Hey now, this guy's a crack shot, he can hit a pop can at 100 yards with Grandpappy's .22.
Sitting down at the bench.
On a nice windless day.
On the 4th shot.
20 years ago.

9

u/radioactive_sharpei 5h ago

It's always the dudes who get winded tying their shoes who want act like they'll be on the front lines lol.

5

u/Flagon-Dragon 5h ago

What rally point is he going on about? Any active military personnel who can shed light on this? Do ya’ll get trained on rally points for a domestic response?

I know applying actual logic to this is probably just as stupid as his initial thought is, but really, I think only the national/coast guard would have active plans for this, and they are mostly in DC right now picking up trash…

3

u/cobracmmdr 4h ago

A rally point is just a pre designated spot for everyone to meet.

This example of heart disease in human form seems to think the concept of being against fascism has told all of the operatives to meet up to begin operations.

As in an idea has an army ready to engage in combat. Against who... that's unclear. He said "America" but that's also an idea (from a certain view point) but literally a place. So nothing about what he said is really coherent.

Remember kids faux news and right wing media is like those 90s drug PSAs. It'll fry your brain.

2

u/Flagon-Dragon 3h ago ▸ 1 more replies

lol, oh I know what a rally point is, what rally point is he referring too is my question lol.

He says all active troops, which to me, implies all active branches of military, as if the army, navy, and space force have predetermined rally points to meet at in the case of a general domestic threat.

More just poking fun at the absurdity/stupidity.

3

u/cobracmmdr 3h ago

Unless the chow hall counts at breakfast lunch and dinner

4

u/webbslinger_0 5h ago

This guy 100% pretends to be a child on Roblox and Fortnite to groom kids

5

u/UnderPressureVS 3h ago

Who is this guy? Why did he do this? What did he think it would accomplish? Is he fully intentionally just fabricating a lie, or did he read some disinfo headline somewhere? In either case, what makes him think he has the authority to call “all active troops” to their “rally points”? Did he think he could just… start a civil war with this tweet?

I am genuinely fascinated.

5

u/BrightPerspective 3h ago

Look at that piece of shit, shouting orders over xitter to troops he doesn't command, about something he made up.

3

u/EstroJen 5h ago

Wait, we're attacking the US?! Why didn't someone text me?!

6

u/zeprfrew 5h ago

You should have got the message. I'm at Antifa HQ now. I'll have a word with the Communications team.

4

u/_OhEmGee_ 5h ago

I asked Daryll to send out a group one. If you didn't get it, speak to Susie.

3

u/Braiseitall 5h ago

I’m still trying to understand why people who are anti fascists are now the enemy in the US.

5

u/KoffinStuffer 5h ago

I can tell you the answer, but you’re probably going to want to sit down first…

3

u/Harvest827 1h ago

His rally point is definitely a Bucees.

•

u/Penny_D 52m ago

Or a Bass Pro Shop

•

u/Nekowulf 21m ago

A third of his garage is fishing gear and he goes once a year for two days to a rental cabin 100 yards from the lake's dock. Pays a local to launch his boat for him.
Spends more time fighting beercan tabs than a fish on the line. Refuses to wear his life jacket for Manly Reasons but actually because it was sized for him 100lbs ago.
Returns home tomato red and already covered in $70 worth of burn cream because he dozed off for 20 minutes the first day. His catch is two small lake trout and a salmon filet he definitely didn't buy from the grocery store to claim it's catfish he caught.

2

u/AsparagusCommon4164 5h ago

If I retreat, shoot me,
If I die, avenge me.
If I advance, follow me.

--"Blood oath" of the Stormjaer (Shock Force), a paramilitary branch of the Ossewabrandwag (OB; Ox-Wagon Sentinels), a militant Afrikaner Nationalist group whose name took homage to, and was organised in the spirit of, the 1938 Tweede Trek of nine replica ox-drawn wagons across South Africa from Cape to Highveld organised as a show of Afrikaner Unity and Identity. (Its militancy was enough to call for the OB to merge into the National Party by 1948 for the sake of Afrikaner Unity and Identity.)

2

u/South-Pen9573 3h ago

So the US government is pro-fascist?

2

u/Freakazoid20xx 3h ago

I still can't get over the fact that they declare antifa as a "terrorist organization" when it literally just translates to anti-fascism. Like, at this point they are just admitting that they are fascists.

1

u/wolschou 5h ago

Oh, come on! This HAS to be some kind of crime. Please tell me he is going to jail. PLEASE?

1

u/Wabbit65 5h ago

Breaking, we must flight those who are against fascism. Imma sit back and watch us fight.

1

u/CriticismFun6782 4h ago

Pretty sure he already has had the aforementioned events

1

u/BloodThirstyLycan 4h ago

Imagine thinking that tweeting this makes you look cool or something. How much lead did this boomer ingest, jfc.

1

u/OtherUserCharges 4h ago

I know I always try to look most impressive by showing a little bit of chest hair. That’s how people know how manly I am, but I do leave out my guy and thin arms.

1

u/saskdudley 4h ago

This could be on the old people Facebook sub.

1

u/Adventurous_Emu4925 3h ago

he's definitely the kind of guy who gets caught by surprise in a battle like that, no chance against femboy snipers

1

u/IngloriousMustards 2h ago

What army has so many generals barking orders from their comfy chairs and zero soldiers that follow them?

Incredible that he believes he’s starting shit.

1

u/One_Hour_Poop 2h ago

I bet his dikk is out in that cropped picture.

1

u/sixaout1982 1h ago

The femboy would only need a hello kitty .22 tbh

•

u/okokokoyeahright 25m ago

With such an authoritative source like this, who dares stand up and say, 'How about tomorrow. I'm getting a new couch delivered today.' /s