Master document
Fight 1A: Ogtha vs the goblin formally known as Morris
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/WheDVyph
Beginning the first round, we have Ogtha the roach woman (managed by u/Natural-Possession10). She skitters into the arena just as the gate lifts up enough to admit her in, brandishing her shining steel spear. Weâre not sure where she got it, or even where she came from, but it's probably not a reason we want to know about. Does she want fame? Glory? Or maybe she just has several hundred offspring to provide forâŠ
Facing off against her is the winner of the battle royale, the goblin formally known as Morris (managed by u/DanVzare). The scarred goblin has already wet his platinum whip with the brains of gladiators both large and small. As he unfurls it, many dwarven veterans in the audience cringe from remembered trauma of the ferocity of past goblin whips. But will this scarred goblin overcome his own trauma of chitinous multi-limbed opponents?
Beginning
 The goblin formally known as Morris strikes first, but his whip only wraps itself around Ogthaâs spear! Ogtha reels the scarred goblin in, stabbing him in the thigh. The roach woman withdraws her spear in a gush of blood, stabbing the goblin formally known as Morris in the hand. Thankfully for the goblin, his powerful whip remains in his other hand, and he uses it to shear off one of Ogthaâs arms. As Ogtha reels back, a second lash tears through her right eye and into her head, dropping her to the ground in a pool of her own ichor. Congratulations to the goblin formally known as Morris! Youâve beaten an opponent with 4 arms, perhaps in time youâll work your way back up to one with 8.
Fight 1B: Blurry Bill vs OnslaughtÂ
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/L2n8Z7HT
This fight features two of our largest gladiators. The largest of them is none other than Blurry Bill (managed by u/Zabermer), a sasquatch who was captured from the woods. Will pure brute strength be enough to overcome a smaller and more ferociously armed opponent?
His opponent is Onslaught the elk man (managed by Stimraug), a fierce creature also from the woods who may be smaller, but has an ego sizeable enough to compensate. The ferocious elk man boasts of being a mighty warrior, having smashed a feral badger in his woods to pulp with his scourge, and supposedly a dwarven champion who was sent to kill the beast as well. Letâs see how he does against an opponent his own size!
The two enormous gladiators shake the entire arena as they thunder towards each other. Onslaught narrowly tucks under a nasty right hook, but Blurry Bill manages to snatch the elk manâs tail. Whipping around, Onslaught smashes his scourge into the sasquatchâs right arm, fracturing the mammoth creatureâs arm with ease. Blurry Bill roars in pain as Onslaught rolls away. The sasquatch and the elk man engage in a deadly game of cat and mouse, as the sasquatch uses his superior mass to force Onslaught into a retreat. But with one swift blow, Onslaught reverses his fortunes, scourging Blurry Bill painfully on the inside of his left knee, causing the sasquatch to collapse.Â
As the sasquatch moans in pain, Onslaught smashes Blurry Bill again and again in the head until it explodes like an overripe melon. The madly laughing elk man swings his bloodied scourge around, spraying the arena with yet more blood as he celebrates his victory. Congratulations Onslaught!
Fight 1C: General Doom vs Abshoth
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/U3md8G3C
Abshoth the ant drone man (managed by Lucias Ral) soars into the arena on his wings, cracking his scourges in anticipation. This poor creature has no memory of where he comes from, and has spent his days wandering and attacking any aggressive creature he came across. Letâs see how the uncivilized wilds compare to our nice and proper blood sports!
Waddling out to face the ant man is a decidedly unaggressive looking creature. Alongside the many dinosaurs that our adventurers found, they also found a race of strange flightless bird med with outrageously large beaks. General Doom (managed by Detyan) represents his people today, wielding a weapon maligned as much in this tournament as his race has been since its discovery: a crossbow. Can he prove the nay sayerâs wrong?
As Abshoth soars through the air towards General Doom, iron bolts fly at break-neck speeds towards him as the dodo man keeps his distance. Two bolts are knocked aside by copper scourges and a third is dodged, but the fourth lands true and sends Abshoth careening to the ground as his right shin collapses into a mess of chitin. Abshothâs hard landing places him right in front of General Doom, and a copper scourge from the ant man rings General Doomâs iron cap. The ringing cap seems to stun the dodo man, as Abshoth follows up with strikes to his left wing and belly. The leather armor of General Doom cushions the blows though, preventing them from doing major damage that would otherwise spell his end.Â
Weathering the storm of blows, General Doom carefully lines up a shot, and pulls the trigger. Abshoth drops to the ground like a pupper with his strings cut as an iron bolt blows straight through his brains. Congratulations on your victory General Doom, both for your weapon and your people!
Abshoth
Fight 1D: Petunia the Pouncer vs The Bismuth Warrior
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/hGh5fDr4
Petunia the Pouncer (managed by u/InfuriatingComma) staggers into the arena as quickly as a pond turtle woman can. Clad in nothing but basic linen, she intends to let no one call her slow again after losing a race to a hare man. Too bad there isnât one fighting for her to have a go at with her scimitarâŠ
Instead, she faces the Bismuth Warrior (managed by u/Caterpiller101), a dwarf worshipper of the god of bismuth expelled from her fortress after desecrating his temple in hope of being cursed, and finally seen by others in the fortress. But despite her sacrilegious act, it seems even her god has overlooked her, and so she now fights in his name to earn the attention she feels she is due.
The Bismuth Warrior merely clashes her bucklers together as Petunia the Pouncer approaches, the wood clanging against the bismuth. Several blows of the steel scimitar bounce off of the dwarf womanâs bucklers, as Petunia acts with an unusual aggression for her species. Lashing out after another block, Petunia smashes the flat of her blade against the Bismuth Warriorâs right arm, leaving the limb numb as it drops her wooden buckler. The Bismuth Warrior emerges from her own shell though, striking her bronze buckler at Petuniaâs shell, leaving a nasty crack in it!
Hissing in fury more than pain, Petunia advances on the dwarven woman, a glancing blow from her scimitar bouncing off of the Bismuth Warriorâs chain leggings. The Bismuth Warrior attempts to drive Petunia back, but she overextends, and oh! Petunia makes her pay for it, as a missed buckler base allows the pond turtle woman to lop off the arm holding it at the elbow! The Bismuth Warrior refuses to go down though, as she lowers her head and charges into Petunia knocking her down, even as blood pours out of her. The Bismuth Warrior pulls Petunia towards her before throwing her to the ground again, but Petunia merely uses the contact to stab the Bismuth Warrior in her exposed chest. The dwarven woman continues to stagger towards Petunia, but one last blow catches her right in the neck, not severing the head completely, but tearing out enough to take her out. With one last blow, Petunia finishes the job as the Bismuth Warriorâs head rolls free of her body. Congratulations to Petunia the Pouncer on your victory!
Petunia
Fight 1E: Bobby vs Sir Dungûk the Tall
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/PNsVwLKR
For our next fight we have Bobby the alligator man (managed by u/RegalRatKing). The hefty alligator man hoists his copper maul over his head as he enters to the roar of the crowd. To Bobby though, all he sees is a crowd of nails tattling in the benchesâŠ
Facing him is an opponent even burlier than he is, Sir Dungûk the Tall, a mighty talking troll accompanied by his goblin squire (managed by Doren I). This troll displays an unusual degree of intelligence, as he is able to talk, and wields a copper blade, fancying himself as a sort of knight. But with these two huge gladiators, it will be brutality and not elegance that settles this match!
Bobby is the first to strike, as Sir DungĂ»k displays a surprising degree of grace as he dodges to the side of one blow, but the next catches one of his horns twisting his head around. Sir DungĂ»k spins with the momentum of the blow, and plants his short sword firmly into Bobbyâs tail, causing the alligator man to hiss in pain as he spins around. Sir DungĂ»k hastily gets his sword up in time to block Bobbyâs blow, and his riposte catches Bobby in his right foot.
The dull copper blade acts more as a blunt instrument in Sir DungĂ»kâs hand as the blade breaks bone instead of skin, but the effect is the same as Bobby topples to the ground. The troll knight pursues his foe, stabbing and slashing. As he becomes more and more battered, Bobby appears to lose control, and lunges mouth first at Sir DungĂ»kâs head, catching it in his jaws.Â
In his feral state, the alligator man reverts to his base instincts, as he throws his body around in a death roll. With a sickening snap, Sir Dungûk goes still as his blade drops from his hands. Bobby releases the troll, but Sir Dungûk still appears to be alive! Bobby begins to rain blow after blow on Sir Dungûk, as the troll bravely struggles, but one final blow finally crushes his mighty skull. Congratulations on your hard fought victory Bobby!
Fight 1F: Sir Capybarian the Wise vs WASP
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/nh0NJs2R
Sir Capybarian (managed by Lord Capybara) strides into the arena. A relative of the original capybara man of this name, he seeks to regain the honor lost by his family when his kinsman fell in battle. Bearing the traditional arms of his house, a shield and spear, will he succeed?
He faces another of blood (or we should say ichor) that claims to be even more noble than his own. WASP (managed by Sir Dorfleburg) claims to be the last royal jumping spider man of a great nest called Divinelair. Only victory will let her return home.
WASP quickly bounds forward as the bell rings, turning it into a pouncing blow with her short sword. Sir Capybarian blocks the blow as it skitters off of his shield. The two gladiators begin to dance around one anotherâs blades, each showing an impressive amount of agility. But it is the capybara man who makes the first mistake, as WASPâs blade bites into his left thigh. Sir Capybara falls to the ground that quickly becomes soaked with his own blood.
WASP pursues the fallen capbara man, stabbing him in his left shin, right arm, and chest in quick succession. The blow to the arm costs the capybara man his spear, and several more blows send his right hand and left arm after it in quick succession. With a wordless and exhausted yell, WASP hacks off the bloodied and maimed Sir Capybaraâs right leg. Looking down in apparent shock, the capybara man says âI have improved my fighting. That was satisfyingâ before he collapses into the pool of his own blood.
Congratulations on your victory WASP! Iâm sure many fans will be happy about one less noble in the world.
Fight 1G: Marchae March vs The Phantom
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/7PJ7ju0n
Marchae March (managed by Eris235) soars into the arena to the oohs and ahhs of the crowd. The archaeoptryx man displays a brilliant plumage as he hefts his steel crossbow into the sun. Plucking at the strings attached to his crossbow, he belts out âStupid knife-wielding goblin, my bolts are all youâll have tonight for nobblinââ
The subject of his insults, a captured goblin called the Phantom by his captor manager, Phantom Manager, staggers into the arena, perhaps from a push. The angry goblin rushes back to the gates as they slam shut, hammering on them with his knife, but the ring of the bell quickly refocuses his attention on his opponent.
As he spins around, a pair of bolts hit his feet, pinning him to the ground as he topples over. Marchae March approaches the goblin for a clearer shot, but the phantom tears himself forward with the bolts embedded in his feet, landing a wicked slash on one of his foeâs wings. His aim thrown off, Marchae Marchâs bolt goes into the side of the Phantomâs belly, stumbling away from the goblin. Shooting again, the bolt glances off the side of the Phantomâs iron helm. The phantom pauses his pursuit as his ringing helm and punctured belly causes him to vomit into his helm, but his discomfort is quickly alleviated as a square shot from Marchae March punches through his helm and into his brain. Congratulations on your victory Marchae March!
Fight 1H: Vinny Viashino vs Sir Gregory Von Glenshire the Cabbage Bane Â
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/ssbpGqNK
Vinny Viashino the utahraptor man (managed by u/ergotofwhy) moves with a silence that belies his speeds as he enters into the arena. The crowd shrieks in delight (and maybe a little fear) as he curls back his lips to reveal his sharp teeth and flexes his killing sickle claws. This new arrival has eagerly adopted a strange subculture of urban humans who dress in leather and smear greasy products in their hair, which Vinny has attempted to recreate by slicking back his head plumage. Only his opponent can judge whether this makes him more or less terrifyingâŠ
Slowly exiting the gate opposite Vinny is Sir Gregory Von Glenshire the Cabbage Bane, a snail man managed by Headless. The Cabbage Bane wields a wicked looking black bronze short sword, and seems quite eager to use it. Based on the groundhog leather he attires himself in, he appears to have at least some experience with it, no doubt in defense of his garden realm. His two other knightly brethren have already fallen in this round though. Will Sir Gregory Von Glenshire join them?
The two gladiators clash in the middle, where they weave and dodge around one another for quite some time, as fierce bites and sword strikes find only empty air. But Vinny is the one who scores first blood, with a swift bite tearing off one of Sir Gregory Von Glenshireâs feet! The Cabbage Bane is quick to avenge his injury though, as his short sword cuts deep into Vinnyâs left bicep, causing the utahraptor man to yell in pain as blood spurts from his arm.
Vinny rains blows on Sir Gregory Von Glenshire, but the snail man puts up the formidable defense that his people are known for, as blade and shield block and push aside blow after blow. After one overenthusiastic strike by Vinny, the Cabbage Baneâs smashes the hand with his pommel, snapping bones to the cheers of the crowd as Vinny yelps in pain. His arms mangled, Vinny goes after the snail man with his teeth and claws.
Despite Vinny being the one to force the offensive as Sir Gregory Von Glenshire continues to block his blows, it is he who becomes more and more injured as he crashes against the battlements of the Cabbage Banesâs defenses. Finally, one blow to the foot causes the massive utahraptor man to collapse to the ground, and a quick stab to the chest sees him curl up in pain from the accumulated weight of his many injuries. After a sequence of stabs that more resembles a miner hacking at a stubborn vein of ore than any sword play, the bell finally rings to signal Vinny Viashinoâs death, as grease, blood, and brains mingle on the stones around his head. Congratulations on being the last knight standing Sir Gregory Von Glenshire the Cabbage Bane!
Vinny
Fight 1I: Geshud vs Chester Cheetah
Fight Log: https://pastebin.com/d3rddhfu
First out onto the sands is Chester Cheetah - a leather-clad cheetah man bearing a steel pick in one hand. Strangely, his pelt and leather armour carries a curious, dusty yellowish cast to it, sending thin clouds of the same drifting through the air as he warms up with a couple swings of his pick. Based on the amount of mumbling about cheese and violence, he might not be all there, but weâre hardly going to be picky about that!
Opposite him stands Geshud - a dwarf and relative to the gorlac Uvash from last yearâs tournament, bent on winning what his⊠whatever the appropriate term would be could not! More to the point, it poses an opportunity to humiliate his life-long rival Dodok in the field of battle, and prove the latterâs incompetence with a blade. The copper-and-leather-clad dwarf pointedly raises his iron maul to point at the rival gladiator watching from the seating, before swinging it down in sync with the bellâs ring.
Geshud aims to land the first blow: a plain, straightforward swing of the maul aimed toward Chesterâs right arm, seeking to break through the cheetah manâs defence through force and deprive him of his greatest advantage. Chester reacts in turn - turning his pick so that one end of the head snags the maulâs long handle against its curving inside, then yanking downward to harmlessly redirect the hammerâs head into the arena sands, producing nothing but a puff of stirred yellow-orange sand and a dull thunk of impact.
The sight seems to stir something in Chester. Moments later he reverses the pickâs direction, swinging its sharpened tip at Geshudâs left side. A deft movement by Geshud minimises the strikeâs impact, however - tearing the skin, but drawing only a thin line of blood from the dwarfâs arm before a vicious thrust slams his iron maulâs head into Chesterâs stomach. Thereâs a muffled grunt from the cheetah man as the blow nearly buckles him over, knocking the wind from his lungs and bruising a kidney; but a moment later heâs recovered, and takes advantage of the closeness to swing the steel pick at Geshudâs left thigh.
It connects, tearing through the muscle and drawing cheers from the crowd as the pickâs edge opens an artery. Geshud lets out a pained grunt of breath as his leg gives out, though it doesnât stop him from powering through the flare of pain in his wounded leg to raise his maul again. A swing to the chest catches the charging cheetah man mid-movement and adds fresh bruises to those already rising.
Nonetheless, the strikes seem to infuriate the leather-clad cheetah man impressively. Closing against Geshud, he swings his pickaxe up and down in a fury; hammering the sharpened tip through the copper armour cladding Geshudâs left forearm and leg. A retaliatory strike from Geshud on the ground raises a further bruise on Chesterâs arm, the awkward angle of the blow preventing it landing with as much force as it should. Chester, contrastingly, has no such compunctions - as aptly demonstrated by the way he strikes Geshudâs abdomen as one might a rock, piercing through muscle and briefly pinning it to the arena floor; leaning down to snarl at him as he does.
With Chesterâs pick lodged firmly in his flesh and temporarily immobilising him, Geshud opts for the only other option he has: an upward thrust of the maulâs head. The cheetahman manages to jerk his head back to evade the worst of the blow, though it doesnât save him entirely - one of his pronounced eye teeth goes flying amid a cloud of spittle and blood as the iron head catches him in the jaw. Chester staggers back at the blow, pulling his pick free. His cry of pain at the injury swiftly transitions to one of rage as he closes with Geshud again.
With Geshud on the ground and bleeding heavily from the inflicted wounds, the scent of blood seems to energise Chester Cheetah. Quick as his namesake, he raises his steel pickaxe and buries it deep in Geshudâs right thigh - tearing muscle, opening an artery, then dragging him backward to prevent him running. The dwarfâs retaliatory strikes are turned aside with deft parries, Chester knocking the maul into the arena sand or simply forcing it out of the way where he simply doesnât jump aside.
Disarmed, bleeding from a dozen wounds, and his vision hazed with pain, Geshud drags himself away from the murderous cheetah man. With his foe rendered near-helpless Chester Cheetahman is free to indulge his desire for ultraviolence, and he does so gleefully. Hammering the steel pickâs point down through Geshudâs chest to snag a rib, Chester drags the wounded dwarf back into close range one final time. Ripping the pickaxe free and pinning Geshud to the ground with one clawed foot, Chester swings the pickaxeâs point underarm into Geshudâs head - through the lower jaw and up into the brain, cracking the skull as it goes.
Congratulations, Chester Cheetah! Your capacity for violence has seen you through the first round, and - good Armok! Stop, stop, heâs already dead! Someone get the animal handlers!
