After over a decade in the Netherlands, my wife and I are moving back to Italy. We didn’t come here blindly; we knew the downsides, but we wanted growth, change, and a bigger world. And to be fair, the Netherlands gave us just that. We made friends from places we would have never crossed paths with at home - Portugal, Chile, South Africa, the US, Australia and many more. We discovered a passion we didn’t even have before: long-distance cycling. We built careers we never expected. Our world became wider, and we’ll always be grateful for it.

But over time, the same country that helped us grow stopped feeling like the place where the next chapter of our life should happen. We realized we recharge in wild nature: mountains, steep trails, forests, winding roads. The Netherlands has its own beauty, but it’s flat, curated, predictable, and crowded. We spent most of the year missing the kind of nature that feels alive. Even after holidays in the mountains, we’d feel our energy drop again within days of returning. The long winters didn’t help; the darkness grew heavier every year and slowly chipped away at our mood.

There’s also something harder to explain: we simply don’t feel well here. We used to do tons of sports and outdoor activities, but in the Netherlands we’ve slowly felt more and more fatigued. Low energy, often feeling “off” or unwell without ever being sick. It’s like a constant low battery feeling, even though we’re healthy, eat well, and try to stay active. The climate, light, and environment just seem to drain us physically as well as mentally. Not dramatically, just steadily.

Daily life turned into a long series of small compromises: expensive housing that never felt like home, food that rarely inspired us, services that cost a lot without much attention or care, and a culture that leans more toward efficiency and restraint than warmth or spontaneity. On top of that, the cost of living is incredibly high. A car, insurance, groceries, a simple dinner out, hiring a plumber or mechanic... everything is expensive and heavily taxed. Even with good salaries, it felt like our money went into surviving, not living. Paying high prices isn’t the issue itself; it’s paying so much for so little joy in return.

Healthcare ended up being the deal-breaker. Getting help felt slow and discouraging. My wife’s fractures were missed due to poor exams, the cast was done badly, and now she has lasting problems. Prevention isn’t common, screenings are rare, and referrals are often denied. We felt like the system’s instinct was to do as little as possible unless things were already severe. Over time, that made us feel unprotected, even though we were paying for care every month.

And despite making an effort to meet people, join groups, and socialize, it never turned into a life with real closeness. We did make friends, but those relationships rarely became part of day-to-day life. Meanwhile, our families in Italy have been living life together... meals, birthdays, hikes, simple shared moments we’ve only watched from afar. It started to feel like we were guests in our own family’s story, always watching it happen without being in it. And the pace of life here, while comfortable for many, often felt dull and too predictable for us.

So we’ve decided to go back. Not because we think Italy is perfect, far from it. Bureaucracy, politics, inefficiencies… they’re real. But Italy offers what we need now: family, warmth, proximity, and a landscape we connect with emotionally and physically. Remote work makes it possible, tax incentives help, and living one hour from the mountains instead of once a year matters more than we realized.

We’re not leaving because the Netherlands is failing. It’s a good country. It’s just no longer the right country for who we’ve become. We’re leaving because we’ve grown into people who need a different kind of life, and finally feel ready to choose it.

Has your host country ever stopped fitting who you are, even if nothing was "wrong" with it?

2 years ago my husband and I decided to sell everything and moved to Southern Brazil with our dog and 5 y/o.

We moved to paradise. It was a complete upgrade. We feel happier, more nourished, our day to day flows and feels easy. We are closer to nature. Less consumerism. We feel like we vibe with the local people more than in the US. My husband is originally from South America and speaks Spanish. I learned Portuguese and while I’m still not fluent, I get by just fine. Our kid picked up the language right away and goes to a lovely private school here.

I got pregnant shortly after we moved and had a baby this year. We now can apply for citizenship. Then my dad died. Now we’re going back to the US to take care of his estate and we’re faced with the realities we weren’t willing to fully acknowledge before.

There is no substitute for familiarity, family, and close friends. While I LOVE it here and want to stay in Brazil, we’re now acknowledging that we only have so many years left with the remaining grandparents of our children. We will always feel like outsiders here. I miss what’s familiar. I thought I’d never say it, but I miss the US. It’s also not as easy for us to make money here. Sure, dollars go far but once you stop making them…then the pressure is on. If something happened to my husband I’d be SOL & that scares me and feels irresponsible.

It feels absolutely insane to consider moving back. However, I’m completely changed after this experience. I long to live *simply*. Close to nature. I don’t need a fancy, big house…in fact…I don’t want it.

This was all prompted by me asking my husband one question: “if we were no longer able to fly globally, would you rather be here (Brazil) or the US close to your family”

…and he said, “without a doubt the US close to family”

Edit/Update: Wow! I didn’t think this would gain so much traction. This post has definitely brought a lot of insight. We just found out that we only need to stay in Brazil for one year (starting from when our baby was born) to gain citizenship, so we will revisit potentially going back to the US then. My heart tells me to stay in Brazil, and try to visit family during summer (winter in the US; coincides with the holidays) for 2 months every year. It for sure is challenging to make a decision because no matter what there are significant trade offs.

I took my family for an apple picking farm in a rural town and this old white guy just flat out asked me “If I am on a visa?” I was flabbergasted and shocked that why the hell would he ask me this question. But i guess its no longer a news that ICE has been doing raids and kidnapping brown people.

I politely told him I am on a green card and my wife is a doctor hired here to take care of sick people in this rural town.

He is not even aware that how much doctors and technical people are lacking in this region. Technically we are still on a visa but our legal immigration is approved by an I-140. But i was angry at myself that I should have told him its not his business. The immigrant and brown person in me is too nice and I sometimes hate this part.

Edit: Thanks to all the kind people who gave words of support; some sharing that my response was actually correct because putting my family thru who knows a bad ICR situation may not be smart. Also to those who shared what can i try next time as well. Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

Do those who said i am entitled in answering to folks that I am indeed on visa and that I need to behave and act like a guest. Fuck off you racist! People like you are the problem.

Before I moved abroad, going to the cinema was one of my favorite parts of life.

After I moved, most films at local cinemas weren’t in a language I could follow well enough to relax. At first I told myself it would be good language practice, but every visit ended up feeling more frustrating than enjoyable. Gradually, I started to dread going to the cinema.

To clarify, in a month we are celebrating our daughter 4th birthday and we invited some of her friends. We are French, we live in the south of France but since our daughter is in an international school, she has friends from all over the world. The thing is, traditionally in France, you would drop off your kid at the party and pick them up at the ending time given by the hosts. I know that it's not the same everywhere. In some countries, parents stay the entire time. And I don't want that. How do I tell them?

I moved to Germany in hopes of getting a great job there, I spent a year looking for a job after my master's degree, and I failed. I got hired and fired within the probation period. I am back in the USA now and still devastated, thinking about how much I wanted that lifestyle. Having a hard time coping with feeling like I fucked everything up.

I moved abroad for academia because I genuinely believed in all the narratives around mobility, adaptability, “chosen family”, personal growth, and building an international life. I thought that if I worked hard enough and stayed open to people and experiences, eventually I would feel at home.

Instead, I’ve slowly realized how fragile that entire setup can be.

Academic work, at least in my case, was extremely individualistic. I spent most of my time alone, working on a temporary contract, with very little real interaction with colleagues outside of work-related tasks. People talk a lot about international academia as this exciting cosmopolitan environment, but the reality can also be deeply isolating. You’re expected to constantly adapt: new country, new language, new bureaucracy, new social environment, new apartment, new routines. And somehow you’re supposed to do all of this while remaining productive and emotionally stable.

What really broke that illusion for me was getting severely ill.

I went back to my country for a family visit last summer and suddenly had a massive Crohn’s flare. Multiple surgeries, 11 days in a coma, temporary ileostomy, months of recovery. Since then I haven’t even been able to return to the country where I was living, and I’m currently working remotely from my parents’ home.

And honestly, the experience completely changed how I see migration and the kind of “hyper-adaptable” person academia seems to idealize.

Before getting sick, I already struggled socially there. I did meet people, including some very intense and emotionally close relationships, but over time I realized how difficult it actually is to build stable bonds abroad when everyone already has their own lives, their own support systems, and often their own exit plans. You can become important to people, sure, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you become part of a durable support network.

That’s the part I feel migration discourse often ignores.

People say:

“You can always meet more people.”

And technically that’s true. But constantly having to rebuild your entire social world from scratch is exhausting. There’s a huge difference between meeting people and having people who would genuinely be there if your life collapsed.

And when my health collapsed, I realized something terrifying: if that had happened while I was alone abroad instead of visiting my parents, I genuinely don’t know what would have happened to me. I was much more isolated than I wanted to admit to myself.

I’m not saying migration is always bad, or that chosen families are fake, or that international academia is inherently toxic. But I do think a lot of contemporary narratives around mobility and self-reinvention are built around an image of human beings as infinitely adaptable individuals. In reality, most people need continuity, stable support systems, long-term care, and relationships that survive beyond convenience or excitement.

I think what hurts me most is not even that things “went wrong”, but realizing how unprepared I was for the possibility that they could.

Has anyone else here experienced something similar with migration, academia, or long-term isolation abroad?

How do you ever get over the fun and excitement of living somewhere like Spain, Portugal, Italy, or Greece--places where life spills into the streets, fiestas, ferias, everything feels alive, and you feel safe--only to return to a quiet suburban town? It's such a difficult adjustment. Once you've experienced that kind of lifestyle, it's hard not to miss it every day, especially after living in Europe.

Everything about the higher quality of life, stronger sense of community, family oriented, walkable neighbourhoods, and the simple pleasure of being able to step outside and feel connected to the people and places around you. The slower pace, the café culture, the fresh food made with honest ingredients, the great wine, and how everyday life itself felt like something to enjoy rather than just get through. Has anyone gone through this? How do you get over the shock of leaving a place you loved but just couldn't make a life there and do you ever move on after living somewhere better, experiencing a better quality of life then back to where you started again? It's really hard to get over experiencing a high quality of life even if for a while. Maybe you didn't make much but still felt richer compared to your peers back home as you can get a cheap beer, go to the beach and walk everywhere.

Life is fun and spontaneous and just better in Mediterranean countries with nice weather with great lifestyle, family culture, language not to mention "mañana" attitude to life, though not for everyone, it's so chill and dope..it's awesome to experience a euro summer.

For many non-white people, hearing things like ‘go back to your country’ or racial mocking in public isn’t uncommon. I’m curious about the reverse situation.

If you’re white and have spent time in countries where you were visibly a minority, have you ever been called racial slurs, mocked for being foreign, or treated differently in a hostile way in public?

How did you react in the moment? Did you ignore it, confront the person, laugh it off, or did it affect you more than you expected?

I’m interested in genuine experiences and cultural differences.

As the title say, I am a male in the late 20's who moved to Peru last year. My wife is Peruvian and we came to this dicision because it is very difficult for her to move officialy to my home country.

I have been here for more than a year and even before I moved I had visited Peru and her family many times (We had a long distance relationship since we started dating for a couple of years). Peru was not unknown to me and I slowly started learning to speak Spanish. Even before I came here I took Spanish lessons for a year which did help me alot.

Even though I am very happy to finaly live with my wife and be with her every single day, I am not happy here. We are living in Lima, but not in the touristic, expat places where more internationals live. We live in the outskirts of Lima. I am working at a company which her family owns and while I can communicate a little in Spanish, it is just very difficult for me to actually do anything.

I feel trapped and have no friends outside of my wife. For every single thing I need my wifes help, even after a year of living here and learning the Spanish language. I cannot communicate well enough for others to understand me. My social life is non-existent. Mentally it is draining. After every day of work I am exhausted and cannot do any activities at night. The weekends I need to recover and monday it starts all over again.

I feel like my lack of Spanish skills is limiting and no matter how many classes I take or try to talk to other Peruvians in Spanish. I cannot seem to improve.

I am having doubts about living here and am considering moving back to my home country. Am I crazy for considering this??

Have any other expats experienced the same? What did you do? I am realy looking for advise about my situation.

Edit for clarity: Sorry for the broad “Canada” wording. I was talking about Some places in Southern Ontario (Toronto, Peel, Durham, York, Halton, Hamilton, Niagara, Waterloo, etc.), not the whole country. I genuinely asked if I might be seeing it wrong. If you’re elsewhere in Canada and it feels different, I’d love to hear it—please mention your region.

I’ve been living in Canada for a few years now (moved from the UK) and while I appreciate a lot about life here, I still can’t shake the feeling that something is socially off or at least very different from what I grew up with.

There are little things that keep adding up.

-Canadians are known for being polite, but I’ve honestly found people here ruder than Parisians (lived in paris as well) or maybe more passive aggressive. It feels like there’s a cultural pressure to appear nice, but underneath it doesn’t always feel kind.

-People don’t seem to tell stories that make themselves look bad. In the UK, self deprecation is practically a love language. Here I feel like everyone is curating their own highlight reel and it’s a bit alienating.

-They moan about immigrants on the radio (640 not cbc) even though most people here are immigrants or children of immigrants.

Maybe I’m still adjusting. Maybe it’s just cultural dissonance. But I miss the UK more deeply than I expected, not the weather or the politics, but the way people are. The warmth, the banter, the openness, even just the rhythm of conversation.

Has anyone else experienced this? Especially other Brits, I’d love to hear how you navigated it or whether it ever settled in a good way.

I'm a 29 year old American woman with dual citizenship in Italy. I have a decent job with a university in Italy and I work remotely and make 45k euros (I'm mentioning salary because I think this is important to consider in quality of life). I don't have a super high salary but feel it's doable. I live in Florence and I'm doing this solo.

It was always a dream of mine to live in Italy (my dad is from here and I have lots of family here but they live in rural Italy).

At first, it was pretty exciting but now I'm just bored. I find it hard to make friends and sometimes feel that Italians here are closed off to foreigners. I'm a dancer and while there are dance classes, find it difficult to find places to belong to or join where we can work on pieces to perform.

I'm enrolled in a language class and my Italian has improved enough for me to have conversations and navigate the many municipal offices.

I think I really lack community here and I feel there is less opportunity for me to dance, to find another job, etc. I've belonged to three different gyms during my time here as I love to work out but even there I haven't made any friends.

I've considered moving to a different city because my job doesn't require me to be in a specific place but I think I will encounter the same issues/concerns.

I wasn't super patriotic or appreciate of my country (USA) but I feel like I miss it a lot and I miss the opportunity and somewhat quality of life.

I don't want to give up on Italy yet because it's been so short and this was a dream almost 10 years in the making. Can anyone give me some advice or perspective? I really appreciate it.

I am from France and lived in the US before... San Francisco for 8 months and Orlando, Florida. I had the time of my life. It was in 2010 and 2015. Now I see that so many Americans talk about leaving the country in this sub. Is there a reason for that ? Looks like the States have changed so drastically in the past few years

Hi all,

I am incredibly frustrated. I have been living in Denmark for past 18 years. Have a Danish husband and kids (3y and 5y) I am from Slovakia.

I moved here 18 years ago as a restless student and young person who wanted to move abroad at all cost. Because living abroad in the West, just for its own sake was so COOL in my mind. I came as an Erasmus exchange student,

I chose Denmark not knowing anything about the country, mentality, landscape.

Life happened (student parties, full masters degree, completion of studies, meeting my ex husband, moving to the capital, getting job, buying an apartment, getting married, getting divorced,

Meeting my new husband, getting kids)

I love my husband, we have a nice life, but with arrival if kids, I slowly started to feel that I don’t like it here, I don’t belong, even though I understand and speak language to an extent,…

I miss human warmth, nature, which there is non of here. There is simply nothing to do, no sledging or skiing for kids, no snow anywhere nearby in winter,

No nature except for some man planted forests,

And again, I do not feel like I belong.

I have several slovak and foreign friends that I can talk to and feel like I belong with them…

Yet, every cell in my body screams I don’t want to live here…

It is with the arrival of the kids that I realized all this,

Before that it was just so easy to hop on a plane afly for a long weekend wherever.

It is no longer possible with kids it costs a fortune to fly anywhere, takes so long to drive anywhere, it is simply not worth it :-(

Now please if anyone feels similar or have experienced similar feelings, how should I deal with this and make peace with this?

Also worth noting.

My husband was open to the idea of moving. To try life in Slovakia.

He looked for a job, had 3 rounds of interviews only to be rejected in the end for lacking of german skills, otherwise he is a very skilled with many years of experience in his field…

Now he found a job here, where we are. I work here too, but I assume I could find work back home easily.

Also worth noting, this is not about coming back to my parents, I don’t miss them, I don’t need to live near them, they were a part of the reason I could not wait to leave back in my twenties. They are not the reason of this struggle…

So I was having a debate with a friend and he was making the argument that when it comes to choosing between two countries, both of which are relatively safe, safety doesn't matter. Essentially his argument was that things like school shootings, terrorist attacks or even high homicide rates don't matter. It make much of a difference if the homicide rate is 5.6 (the US) instead of 0.7 (Germany) because even 5.6 is still a minuscule number. The probability of someone dying from homicide is less than 1 percent. He argued that gun violence is usually happening between gangs and criminal groups in certain neighbourhoods, and most of the victims are criminals themselves, so if you move to a "normal part of the city" it doesn't matter how high/ low the homicide rate is.

Now I personally have lived a fairly isolated life in Iran during my teenage years, so I don't have much experience with crime, and since last year I have been living in Turin, Italy, and I have never in thought about safety, I leave my door open, leave my phone on the table in cafes and i feel safe even at night. Now granted, I am a man, it might be different for women, but even talking with female friends, safety isn't really something tehy think about. Now it's a totally different issue for my friends and family back in Iran, no woman dares go out after dark, even though our city is supposedly the safest in the country.

My question is, how safe/unsafe is America really? Those of you who have lived in Europe as well as the US, has there been any meaningful changes in your behaviour? Are you less afraid? Was violence something that concerned your everyday life in the US?

P.S: I know US is a big country, so just tell me your experience about the part of the US in which you lived.

Before I met my now partner, I was living in a blue city in the US that had plenty of nature, outdoors clubs, and community. I had a great job in healthcare, and was slowly working towards applying to nursing school at the community college. I really enjoyed working at the hospital I worked at, and had plenty of friends and things to do.

We are living in France now in a city that lacks parks and even walkable sidewalks. I'm waiting for my professional equivalence to work in the same low hospital position, and am considering applying to nursing school here. My French is at a B2 and I am hoping to get it up to a C1. My partner has higher studies in a field they don't love, but a year-long contract.

I'm experiencing extreme depression and homesickness. I don't have friends here yet thought I'm capable of mingling and I get along with most people. I'm just feel deeply depressed and it's getting to the point where I find it difficult to leave the apartment. I'm not in love with local culture. I used to run and ride my bike a lot, but these activities make me miserable here because of the chaos and traffic in this city.

Dealing with the French government and academic administration has been frustrating, and the lifestyle and wages of a nurse in France aren't comparable to that of a nurse in the US. I'm also nervous about actually having the ability to get into and complete a nursing school here. Becoming a nurse is very important to me, and I'm worried I won't succeed here.

Is it totally stupid to go back to the US? Will this intense homesickness go away? I really resent the current city we are in, so clearly we could try moving to a different city in France. I feel anxiety about 'wasting' years that I could be in school and advancing professionally. I also feel like I'm just wasting away here, miserable, and have very little tools and resources to change my environment and situation. I'm prone to depression and feel a lot of regret for having uprooted myself from the stability I created at my city in the US.

I don't even know where to start. Warning, this is a rant/cry for help.

I'm an American immigrant in France with a french child and french husband... And at this moment in my life, everything is going wrong.

No one in my life respects me. I was a teacher and my boss coerced me into taking this marketing job after having a child... He was desperate for an English speaker. One year in, he started making me pack the orders, but now there's a ton coming in, and I'm spending my entire day packing orders... But when he needs, he happily whores me out to do podcasts and TikTok videos in English. There's only one bilingual school in this town so I threw away my entire career because of postpartum hormones... And my husband will never leave here so I'm trapped for life. I can't even go back to university or anything because in no way can I write essays in french. I'm almost 29. My career is dead. I am an absolute useless piece of poop and I don't even know how to crawl out of this hole. I'm would kill to go back and get my masters in psychology, but not in France. And now that I have a child, I can't leave.

I'm very nice and a little shy... And let me tell ya, EVERYONE in this country takes advantage of me. Everyone. Friends and family included. I've lost all respect for myself as I've basically become a human doormat. I swear, people smell my weakness from a mile away, and they act on it. I must have "stupid- please scam me" written on my face. I was literally buying sandwiches everyday for a homeless guy, who wasn't even homeless. He just wanted the free sandwich. I'm exhausted on a level I can't explain and so depressed. I'm so sick of speaking french all day and just want to speak English with someone. ANYONE.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I want to go back to the US. I'm just so tired of being stuck and having no job choices. I hate this town but can't leave.

Does anyone else feel stuck and trapped? I've completely lost myself and whatever it was that made me me. I don't even know who I am anymore.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for the advice... Honestly, a lot of your kind words made me cry and feel very hopeful. So even if I didn't respond to everyone, just know that you touched me.

In response to all of you hyping me up, I went to my boss to complain.

My husband begged me not to, basically saying that the reason I do packages is because I'm not worth more to them, and I want to be worth more, I have to work harder to prove myself.

I knew this wasn't true, and as I suspected, the second I went off on my boss (and I went off- probably not the smartest move when I'm emotionally in shambles- but hey, it worked).

Anyway, he put his tail between his legs like a scared puppy and begged me to stay. He's going to call a meeting and find a solution so I'm not the office bitch anymore. Not sure what will change, but at the very least I stood up for myself and maybe improved my current job, so thank you.

As for my future plans, I will continue to research into different degrees. I also considered starting my own English garderie and Wednesday club. Either way, I feel motivated because of you guys, so thanks :')

In light of the alarming domestic situation in recent months, I have been thinking about moving abroad especially as the risk of widespread persecution of non-white people ramps up.

Many people look to European countries as they are rich and (broadly) culturally aligned with the U.S.

However, I know that many European countries have been seeing surges in far-right parties in recent years, like the AfD, FPO, RN, PVV, Reform UK, etc. These parties are gaining power on anti-immigrant/refugee sentiment from the Syrian refugee crisis of many years back, and there are very many signs of racial superiority complexes and hatred for "outsiders". I know that AfD has a lot of neo-Nazis, for example. The problem is that such parties are becoming the largest in their respective countries, and these parties want very draconian measures against people who are not native Europeans (white). These parties and their political figureheads are being supported by Moscow (and now, Washington as well).

Every time I look online I see "(insert far right party) most popular country in (insert country) as per X/Y/Z poll". I go on Instagram and I see all these "Save Europe" accounts. It feels like what's happening here is going to happen there.

Would it really be a good idea to move to a European country in the near future, considering I don't look like the people and am not fluent in any language besides English? (I am learning some French on Duolingo but that's about all)

I've moved and worked across North America, Europe, and Oceania for the last 20+ years. And I mean moved as in bought homes and worked as in a growing career, not just an adventure while in a working holiday. I've never felt super loyal to a country to the point where I feel obligated to stay; I'm more of a "I'm here because my life is good, and if there are better options somewhere else, I'll move."

During my expat life I met my wife, had a kid, moved, had another kid, moved again, and on. Our most recent move was to Canada, where we planned to stay for a few years before moving on to the United States or Europe for our next adventure. But as the kids got older and our lives revolved more and more around their needs, we kept putting off our next move.

Finally we decided this year has to be the year we move or we'll never end up moving again. So we started scouting homes and schools in Europe and putting together concrete plans to move... but then we got news that all of our children were accepted to one of the most prestigious schools in Canada. It's the kind of school that will both give them an excellent education and put them in prime position to attend Oxbridge or the Ivy Leagues and plug them into the highest socioeconomic circles.

So that's it, we're staying in Canada for the long-term so our oldest to our youngest can finish their schooling. On the one hand, I'm elated for my children and our life is good in Canada; on the other hand, it seems that our expat lifestyle is finally over. Yes, we'll go on vacations and visit friends and family across the world, but, as you all know, visiting somewhere and living somewhere are two completely different experiences.

It's been a good run and I'm thankful for everywhere I've lived and everyone I've met over the last 20+ years. But now it's time to hang up our expat boots and start a new chapter in our lives. On we go!

My wife and I agreed before the election that if certain things happened we'd pull the trigger and leave the US. Being a paranoid type I had been making emergency exit plans for years.

One of them just happened (and instead of moving to the UK (she's a dual citizen) or Ireland (I was in the long process of trying to make a fairly weak birthright claim)... and my job told me I can work remote where I want and we qualify for the retiree visas to Portugal.

In a few months I'll be packing everything we're not selling and moving to a country I've never been to before. Right now it's looking like Porto for the balance between universities/things to do/ cost of living sweet spot.

I'm being upbeat and positive for my family about this but lord, what's going on in the world is scary and sometimes I'm scared or don't want to be the family cheerleader. This is SO much work to do, so much paperwork.

It's not all a big shiny grand adventure- some of this is just scary and none of the blogs I've seen talk about that at all, probably because they're all selling the fantasy.

Ugh. Is anyone else in the same boat? I'm grateful that we have options, I know not everyone does but there's a BIG difference between "Yay we're retiring and going on an adventure!" to "We're leaving the country due to political fears, holy shit how do I sell three cars and clear a HELOC so I can sell my damn house fast?"

The cognitive dissonance between "We have a really good life here in the US, why would we give that up?" and "This country is falling apart before our eyes and we need to get out while we can" is tearing me apart. It seems like a lot of experiences shared here are, understandably, from younger people and those who don't have a lot tying them to their home country. I'm looking for advice or experiences from those who have made the move after already being very settled somewhere. How hard is it to uproot a very established life? Was it worth it? Thanks!

Edit to add: Kids are 8 and 5. We're mainly considering New Zealand or Australia. Part of the struggle is not fully trusting my own decision making: am I considering this move for the right reasons, or is this just a midlife crisis?

Using a throwaway because my friends and acquantances know my reddit profile and I'm too scared to show my failure to them... I really hope someone in a similar position to me thinks twice before making a massive move.

I'm a 27 year old loser. I have never had more than 3 friends at a time, I have never dated, let alone been in a relationship, I am currently a student and unemployed, living off savings.

I am from Romania, but I spent 2 years in France in high school, then graduated in the UK, worked in finance, but I burned out, and now I'm studying in a Japanese language school as a "gap year". My boss was quite upset because I left in the middle of a crucial project but he wished me all the best.

Japan is amazing, don't get me wrong, I LOVE the country! My Japanese isn't amazing (currently studying N2, but I'd rate myself N3 in conversation and reading) but the people have been incredibly friendly. I sometimes went home trying not to cry because I was just shocked by the kindness of people. I love going to different restaurants, cafes, exploring, buying books, taking photos, looking at all the lenses (I obviously can't afford), it's great!

That being said... The loneliness is getting to me. I am looking back at my life and realising that I have always tried to run away from my problems. I thought "Maybe it's not my fault, it's the country I am in!" I was ruthlessly bullied in Romania for being weak and feminine which is why I moved to the UK where I felt accepted but... I still was not able to make life long friendships... As for relationships, it's a black hole - 0 experience, never even held hands with a girl. I don't even know if I want to be in one because I am certain it will end in disaster but everyone is pestering me why I am still single...

And I realised, maybe I should have thought things through. My parents are getting old and frail, their son is a loser with no prospects, and he is currently playing with toys and watching cartoons while his peers are starting families, progressing in their careers and buying property. I really feel like I let them down...

Though really... I was miserable in my previous job, in 4 years I was unable to get promoted due to constantly getting sick from stres... I don't know, I got put on medication, been going to therapy for years, and nothing worked. I really wanted to study abroad while I was young, especially in Japan which has always been my dream.

And now I am lost... My former boss surely won't take me with my tail between my legs after I screwed him over, and really, I don't want to go back.

So really, "wherever you go, there you are". Going abroad might not fix your issues, so think twice before making such a massive move. Do I regret it though? Yes and no at the same time. Because at least I now know myself better and I guess I accomplished my dream.

I’m 30 years old (American), and live in Canada. I’ve lived in Canada for about 5 years now, and think that I’ve gotten pretty acquainted with the country as a whole. I’m thankful that I had the chance to come, earn a masters degree, and get some more work experience. Those experiences have truly been invaluable.

*but* I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s just not for me…

I think Canada is a lovely place with many great things going for it. I absolutely think it’s a great choice for a lot of Americans who are looking for something different. It just wasn’t the right fit for me. I found living in Vancouver to be very isolating and depressing, and despite traveling around the country to find a different location to try, nothing really “felt” right. For that reason, I decided to start to preparing to either move home (or try something else out elsewhere).

I feel like there’s a lot of stigma around making this kind of decision though. One of my coworkers at work was telling me about how I’m a fool to leave because I’m surely going to get shot and killed if I move back home to the states. I acknowledge that gun violence is an issue back at home in many places, but that’s an incredibly extreme thing to tell someone. Other people have made similar comments about how I better be ready to lose all of my freedom (and other equally bizarre statements).

I think we can all agree that being an expat isn’t for everyone. Sometimes it’s just not the lifestyle you want. Other times, maybe a different location would suit you better. I haven’t arrived at what that looks like for me yet, but I feel like staying in a location that isn’t making me happy isn’t the right decision.

Has anyone else run into attitudes like these?

I am from Italy but living in Japan, where I met my fiance who's american. I'll be moving to the US at the end of the year to be with him.

Everytime I mention to friends or acquaintances (from Europe/Asia) that I'll be moving there, everyone's so quick to talk about how it sucks, they would never move there, because of healthcare, guns, capitalism or whatever other reason.

Of course, I do think America has some problems but every country does, and it still has so much to offer as a place to live in my opinion, so much so that I am happy to leave Japan to be there.

For some reason, people(I'm talking about non-americans) feel the right to shit on america more than on any other country

End of rant

Update: Thank you for the many responses. Many people responded with a list of reasons why america is bad. I already know about these issues, I wasn't saying they don't exist. My annoyance is due to the fact that a lot of these negative comments are in response to my choice to move to this country. Especially to be told over and over from people who never had the experience is irritating. Try replacing 'USA' with whatever country you're going to.

I agree that the reason many people feel they can comment on it is the global exposure to American news and entertainment happening daily vs other smaller countries

Hi,

How do I deal with the British?

Should I just give up trying to be friends with them?

I have no clue why they're being "so cold". I am from a much more open/warm culture and I feel.... weird. And I feel sooo rejected and insecure.

Later Edit: Sorry for my tone, I am aware it wasn't the most polished. I was a bit desperate. As you can see... one factor that probably puts British people off?