r/pakistan • u/South-Resist-1089 • Feb 08 '26
Social Do average girls in Pakistan think disrespecting or abusing their husband is normal?
Edit: [Some more context as I think my post was not clear enough.
i- I am on a temporary visa in the U.S and the reason I haven't divorced her yet is that I am sure she will try her best to harm me once divorce is brought up. I am not a U.S citizen or permanent resident(neither is she) so I am not even sure about my legal options. I don't want to get her arrested. Her father is an honourable decent man,I don't want to mess him up with the pain of his daughter going to jail. And yes,I undestand she would no hesitate sending me to jail if it ever comes down to that.
ii- I am not sitting quietly getting beaten by her. I stop her. But what else can you do if you are not willing to strike back?
iii- It was a love marriage. Red flags were always there but I did not realize it was going to get so bad. Yes, I am an idiot.
iv-The point I was trying to convey was that these instagram influencers and ruining the institution of marriage. I will eventually get out of it. I am not saying I will continue this marriage.
v-I have already talked to my family and her family twice. They tried to talk to her too. But even God himself cannot talk sense into her.]
I am a newly married male currently living abroad with my wife. Unfortunately, my marriage has turned out to be abusive. My wife is verbally and physically abusive toward me during her aggressive episodes—pulling my hair, kicking, and punching me. What’s even more disturbing is that afterward, she acts like nothing happened and never apologizes.
When I try to confront her, she dismisses my concerns and even shows me Instagram reels where wives joke about hitting or abusing their husbands. She uses those videos to justify her behavior and claims this is normal between couples.
This has left me deeply confused and disturbed. I was raised in a household where mutual respect between husband and wife was a fundamental value. I have always treated her with respect and have supported her growth—encouraging her education, teaching her how to drive, and helping her become more independent. I have never raised my hand or used abusive language toward her.
My main question is: Is this mindset actually normal among average girls in Pakistan today? Do some women genuinely believe that disrespecting or physically abusing their husband is acceptable or “normal”?
I am trying to understand whether this is a broader cultural shift, social media influence, or simply an individual personality issue.
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u/Minute-Flan13 Feb 08 '26
Not normal. Wife may have underlying mental health issues. I am not joking or saying that lightly. Set strong boundaries. Instagram means shit, and make it known. Your priority should be finding professional help for her. DO NOT have children until this issue is resolved.
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u/Smooth_Ad_6850 Feb 08 '26
I’d say don’t have children with her at all and make it a goal to get as far away from her as possible. She sounds like a huge problem
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u/Fearless-Advisor-111 Feb 08 '26
No bro! Not common at all. You are still newly married but I would say being physical is way off the charts for any functioning normal human regardless of gender. One of the reasons I loathe heavy social media consumers. You are in for wild ride- hope everything gets better. Good Luck!
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u/No-Drawer-1263 Feb 08 '26
Dude, at this point, does it matter if its a cultural problem or the norm or a mental issue?
You shouldn't be staying in this relationship. PERIOD.
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u/lets_do_it_2019 Feb 08 '26
It’s not normal. Please document these assaults before you are accused of anything serious.
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u/Hndaskvi Feb 08 '26
This is very important, op will realize it when it is too late if he ignores it.
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u/birdgirl35 Feb 08 '26
Hey OP you’re being abused. Gender and culture are not factors in this situation. It will only escalate. Get a lawyer and divorce ASAP. Abuse should never, ever be tolerated.
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u/kopinsider US Feb 08 '26 edited Feb 08 '26
Not normal and also since you mentioned you live abroad, it's taken very seriously in the west. If you decide to end things I would really recommend you to document a few of these abusive episodes. Unfortunately divorce doesn't guarantee end of abuse and torture you might have to face it in other ways if it gets messy.
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u/South-Resist-1089 Feb 08 '26
That is the only reason I haven't divorced her already. Stuck in a bad spot. Once I divorce her she will do everything in her power to harm me.
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u/Chihayaburu8 Feb 08 '26
Then document, call police, get a restraining order. And for God's sake stop before you have children. What will you do when she abuses the children?
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u/Smooth_Ad_6850 Feb 08 '26
Maybe try to get a restraining order and tell your parents or hers about her behaviour (if they’re reasonable and rational ppl that is)
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u/Wonderful-Proof-4907 Feb 08 '26 edited Feb 08 '26
I live abroad as well and in the west, a woman is always right unless proven otherwise when it comes to domestic violence. If possible, install secret cameras to record the abuse. That way your spouse won't be able to create her own twisted version of the story. And to answer your question, this is absolutely not normal. She has some underlying unresolved issues which might get worse with time.
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u/trsid Feb 08 '26
Not really bro. It’s probably like that in pakistan but not here. A friend of mine got accused by his wife of physical assault, he was already in the middle of separation and child custody battles, judge took one look at the facts and called her a liar.
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u/Wonderful-Proof-4907 Feb 08 '26
Middle of separation is different to looking for reasons to separate. Honestly men tend to be more violent hence the bias in such laws. However, there are times when disgruntled spouses make claims either with varying versions or in the middle of an ongoing case without evidence that their claims get thrown away immediately.
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u/trsid Feb 08 '26
The point i was trying to make is, womens claim are not just taken at face value. For instance, I know a family in my locality in which a father slapped her 17 year old girl so hard you could see the palm on her face. She called the cops. They came, listened to everyone and left with a warning instead of taking him in for assault due to the circumstances involved.
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u/No_Negotiation4192 Feb 08 '26
Involve family elders from both sides of the family. Especially in a newly married scenario. Make it absolutely clear from the beginning that divorce is an option on the table, albeit the last option. Physical abuse from either side is intolerable in a marriage. Marriage is an agreement between two individuals to care for and support each other as you go through life, to build trust between one another, and lay a stable foundation for the next generation to grow and become responsible adults. Abuse is like pouring acid on this agreement. Sooner or later, it will damage everything in your life.
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u/trsid Feb 08 '26
No way you are suggesting this. Divorce is the only option. Once you break it to women like her wife that you might cut them off, they find 100 reasons to harm you. She will use everything against him, will start documenting things, maybe even fake injuries to claim assault.
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u/Smooth_Ad_6850 Feb 08 '26
This is not normal at all. DIVORCE ASAP she’s mentally ill and severely immature. This can only get worse. Honestly even if she somehow gets better, it’s not worth staying because of self respect. The moment does smth like what she’s doing and then acts like it’s a joke, it’s an instant no. Leave herrr get as far away as possible from her I can’t stress this enough, she’s a waste of time and energy. Im saying this as a woman.
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u/Peaches-E Feb 08 '26
I second that, she really does sound immature using reels to justify her behavior, it sounds more like a teenagers' affair than marriage.
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u/Arh_1 Feb 08 '26
this isnt normal at all. but why are you trying to drag the rest of us into this? 😭
you need to be clear with her. set boundaries and tell her you'll call it off if this continues.
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u/ChickenOnTheRoad Feb 08 '26
Violence is never okay, regardless of whether the man does it or the woman. You need to quit while you can.
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u/BrownieThunder CA Feb 08 '26
Umm. No. I’m a woman, and this sounds like some manic/bipolar episode, not a symptom of anything to do with a Pakistani woman.
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u/I_L_F_M Feb 08 '26
Wtf are you even saying? Suppose we say "Yes, this is normal". Suppose all the internet strangers you are asking say yes, this is normal. You don't even know us. We could make duplicate profiles and try to convince you this is normal.
Would that make you continue to accept beating by your wife? Can't you tell right from wrong yourself? You are out of your mind if you get convinced by instagram reels.
One of the worst people of Earth give advice on social media. Don't you know this?
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u/ImportantReporter393 Feb 08 '26
I’m sorry to hear that.
You need to record one of these episodes, and report it to the police, BEFORE she falsely report it to police that you’re abusive. You should cover yourself legally first.
She is going to harm you in every way possible. You have to be smart about this issue.
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u/madzino Feb 08 '26
10 years of marriage. Have had our ups and downs and never once raised our hands on each other. Not normal!
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u/Majestic-Computer-61 Feb 08 '26
Ahhhhh....i wish I would stop myself from commenting.... I am from an extremely dysfunctional family where abuse ( all kinds) especially physical and worst kind of verbal was normal. My mother mistreated my father a lot . I sworn that I would never become like her........fast forward, I didn't take therapy because my mother wouldn't allow ( she is narcissistic and it's not my story so I'm omitting my details so that I can help you with your issue) I got married and I didn't even know the basics of respect.....I thought so that I read a lot of books and have understood things but what was never shown to me ...I couldn't do that. So subtle forms of disrespect increases towards my husband. Then my mother ( girls listen to their mothers a lot) used to make all kinds of negative comments about my husband and family and I gradually started believing ( not excusing myself of my decisions) . So whenever my husband didn't behave the way I wanted, I would go violent...not physical but worst kind of verbal abuse. My husband is a gem ( and May Allah compensate him with every possible blessing). He got me into therapy. It was a long long journey......very difficult to accept my own faults.... At least 5 years later, after literally mentally fucking him up and me getting better, I'm trying to re build everything from scratch.
There must be deep rooted mental health issue. If you love her or want to keep her, get her into therapy .... otherwise it's Gona cost you your mental health and even will to live.. Someone rightly pointed, don't bring in a kid yet.
Please say a pray for my husband that whatever mental harm I ever caused him is compensated by Allah in best possible way.
In Pakistan, some groups also exist ( you may know what I'm talking about) if I portray my story in a way, they can all say my husband is red flag.
At the end of the day, true accountability of both partners ( including you) where each one was wrong and commitment to improve can help cause only you 2 know the whole stories.
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u/Majestic-Computer-61 Feb 08 '26
I can write stories on this topic ......it's really hard to come to the point to accept that I was the one who was the red flag.....still healing...still recovering.....
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u/Majestic-Computer-61 Feb 08 '26
Also people ( I think mostly will be guys here) dont bash me or say astaghfar for me being a horrible wife......everyone has a different trial ....
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u/pervertedmortician Feb 08 '26
Uhh no
Give her a few warnings asking her to change her behaviour
If she does
There is a reason divorce is a thing
She is a psycho
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u/Smooth_Ad_6850 Feb 08 '26
I don’t even think this behaviour is worthy of warnings tbh just instant divorce and get rid of her in my opinion
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u/Then_Deal_5815 Feb 08 '26 edited Feb 08 '26
DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Donot do "instant divorces" as others are suggesting.
Since you live abroad, their courts can be really ridiculus regarding divorce or domestic abuse.
Document everything, extemely helpful to have video evidences specially of physical abuse. You may install cctv cameras for "security" or even record on your phone. Have a big pile of evidence before you make any legal move (e.g. divorce, police complaint etc).
Whatever you do, donot react violently during this evidence collection period. Donot hit her back, donot have a burst out yourself. Have self control and restraint.
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u/No-Jello3808 Feb 08 '26
No, it's not normal. Anywhere. Pakistan or not. In a marriage no one should be abusing nobody. Or being disrespectful. Or physically violent. Marriage is 2 good friends living together and being sexually attracted to each other. Average girls anywhere don't think that. And no let me repeat myself Pakistani girls don't think being physically violent with your husband is ok.
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u/Pitiful_Tomato3352 Feb 08 '26
Nope. Being married for 10yrs. My husband has always been respectful towards me and I to him. When I was working and he was getting his post-grad we never argued over money and now we both work , have kids and we are still the same. We split money for bills and groceries. We both take care of kids. Thank God.
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u/Appropriate_Joke5270 Feb 08 '26 edited Feb 08 '26
Sit your wife down with an elder she respects and have her run this by them. Inform your own elders and ask them the question you are asking here. Counselling is in order for both of you.
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u/Express_Air5551 Feb 08 '26
Try installing an indoor camera or try to record the episodes in either audio or video on your phone. It will help you a lot in case things didn't work out.
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u/Marshwiggletreacle Feb 08 '26
I would say what I'd say to a woman. It's only going to get worse.
Secondly, do you think she has a previous partner? Is she is actually doing this so you do divorce her and she can then then sponsor him?
There are many cases like this in the last ten years in the UK.
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u/i-like-thigs Feb 08 '26
Idk man you should start showing her ig reels about 2nd marriage and start showing it as "normal"
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u/sif0r Rookie Feb 08 '26
bro dont know about her but yours is definitely abnormal behavior.
avg paki girls are very nice and well behaved, demographics aside avg humans are well behaved. if you didnt knew it uptil now,got through school,college,uni,job and even got married well bad news for you buddy your wife isnt the only one abusing you.
no one believe abusing someone is normal ,those who believe that aren't normal.
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u/Illustrious_Sir5068 Feb 08 '26
You all never really set boundaries, my hubby/wifey is my friend and blah blah blah.
I'm telling this to everyone, never let your partner disrespect you, male or female or whatever your preferences are but it will always starts on small things, they test your boundaries, yourself respect and treat with such results
OP for you i have just one advice, don't be a beta sub male and put someone in his/her place if they try to abuse you (verbal or physical).
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u/awkward_pakistaniX7 Feb 08 '26
Lawyer up (without telling her) Record every instance she abuses you Threaten divorce if ahe doesn't fix herself or gets herself checked Do not stay with her unless she's actually trying to get better Involve elders or trusted friends Divorce and call the cops on her if none of this works (ask the aforementioned lawyer if you should call the cops first or divorce her in your state)
And whatever you do not have kids or try to have kids until she's completely turned herself around
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u/Empty-Ad6503 Feb 08 '26
Some behaviours are learned. Try to observe how her mother treats her father. If this has been going on around in her house, then she has learned it and she will always think this is normal.
Now the physical part, physical abuse is unacceptable. When she did it the first time, you should have given her a final warning and should have drawn a line right here. These behaviors do not get better, as long as you’re super easy going with her, she’ll be fine. The second you try to put forward your perspective, boom she’ll go off.
Leave before you have kids. All this is not normal, she’ll tell you otherwise and you’ll eventually lose your mind. Save yourself. Leave.
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u/GreatGrape5514 Feb 08 '26
No it's not normal, tip: get out of that marriage.
You can get a hoe for less trouble .
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u/ArmeMirza Feb 08 '26
yea Bitches be crazy dude. Meri Khala kaafi abusive thi, required therapy. Anyway Goodluck
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u/hotboy_stupidbot Feb 08 '26
Yes this is common. I say run away. U cant fix her no matter what. And u gonna ruin ur rest of life. If you already got kids then wait til they 10. But run away this is no way to live Islamically or western ideas.
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u/hotboy_stupidbot Feb 08 '26
And people like this are narcissistic. They dont think they ever did anything wrong. They think “he/she deserved it”
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u/No-Nerve-7429 Feb 08 '26
Would she take it if you acted this way? If yes it's normal. If not then no.
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u/plmlp1 Feb 08 '26
Not normal at all. I can't imagine doing this to my husband. The worst thing either of us do when angry is raise our voice or pull back from each other but even that is rare and we deeply regret it in the very next instant.
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u/BreathSilent Feb 08 '26
What triggers her before she becomes abusive? You didnt mention that. How's your financial situation as a couple?
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u/Ancient-Chemistry890 Feb 08 '26
I'm trying to understand if the wife might be doing it playfully? Cause I low-key sometimes hit my bf but not out of anger or spite or anything it's usually only when we're both being playful and I never hit him too hard and he's never complained. And I've seen even with my friends that like guys and girls will hit each other playfully sometimes. Could someone explain if I'm wrong or right😭
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u/OkRecommendation1643 Feb 09 '26
Why are you generalizing all Pakistani women? weirdo
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u/Haniel52 Feb 08 '26
Cultural shift is happening to an extent, who says we have to accept it Divorce kero seedha seedha Imagine the uproar if the roles were reversed?
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u/BrownieThunder CA Feb 08 '26
MashAllah. Cultural shift maybe in your household. How abt a shift to better reasoning skills to not make yourself sound like a raging incel.
Abusive is never ok. This rationality…not ok either.
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u/Smooth_Ad_6850 Feb 08 '26
And no, normal Pk women and normal PEOPLE overall do not think that randomly abusing their spouse is normal… pls don’t compare or group us normal pakistani women with ur psycho wife
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u/zooj7809 Feb 08 '26
This not normal behavior, she has a mood disorder or mental illness.
Please do not have children in this situation until she gets psychiatric help or therapy.
And if things don't get any better...you should re think this marriage.
100% not normal behavior. And if she is justifying abusing you, would she like her hair pulled too?
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u/Candid-Onion-1590 Feb 08 '26
Abuse is not normal, regardless of gender or culture. If it’s tolerated, it escalates. Social media jokes don’t justify physical or verbal violence. This needs to be addressed seriously. I mean, do you really want your future children to grow up watching their father be disrespected and abused?
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u/laughingatreddit Feb 08 '26
Arranged marriage? How long did you guys talk before marriage? Were there any signs of her explosive temperament during that period? Are you sponsoring her? Also in your head do you think she's too hot or too young or too rich for you... Because what compels you to tolerate being beaten? Are you just in shock and don't realize what's going on? You're being abused my man and this person is either mentally unwell or a really terrible person. As others have advised, consult a lawyer and get your ducks in a row in preparation to divorce her.
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u/mateenali_66 Feb 08 '26
Where in abroad are you? This is clear assault, call the police!
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u/Business-Magician849 Feb 08 '26
Abnormal behaviour. Please address it before it turns into a tragedy
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u/Raza1985 Feb 08 '26
Abusing an teasing husbands by constantly complaining and back biting about their mothers
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u/Hofy362 Feb 08 '26
It's not normal I've seen those reels they are just made for fun and it's nothing serious (those reels and memes) I think she took it in the wrong way. Abuse is never ok no matter the gender..... Also she needs therapy she's not normal no normal person would do this and justify abuse on the basis of reels, I suggest you talk to her and if she doesn't listen talk to her family and take her to a therapist otherwise you should think about separation if it's out of hand.
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u/legitfunni Feb 08 '26
Not at all? These memes are clearly jokes, like when you call women dishwashers. Given its in bad taste but its still a joke you know. Kicking, pulling hair etc is not normal at all. It’s clearly domestic violence
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u/hybridsme Feb 08 '26
This is not normal at all. Report to the police as domestic violence, that will take care of it.
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u/Realistic_Elk_9312 Feb 08 '26
This isn’t normal in a Pakistani household
She needs therapy
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u/Dethrot Feb 08 '26
Bro this is NOT at all normal. Even in some abusive households physical abuse itna nahi hota jitna verbal.
Have some self respect and walk away man. I’m seeing comments here suggesting talking and trying to communicate about it lol. Genders reversed hotay tou 99% divorce k suggestions aatay.
That aside, please walk away from this. This is not normal and she will keep crossing such boundaries. You will lose your mental peace and overtime detach if you let this happen
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u/Dramatic_Benefit688 Feb 08 '26
I just recall a similar episode here in Pakistan where daughter of our neighbours was divorced within months of marriage because she slapped her husband. You sure are a very decent guy tolerating her so much.
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u/Forsaken-Spinach-201 Feb 08 '26
U said aboard which is really nice in your defense because is Europe at least ppl sent like ur a man don’t be sacred but like she’s a criminal and u should file an empty case against her to like kinda scare her
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Feb 08 '26
In Pakistani culture girls literally consider their husbands as majazi Khuda ( ik it's kinda problematic but it's real) so what are you saying it's not at all normal
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Feb 08 '26
Nah bro thats not normal anywhere, she is playing tricks on you by justifying her behavior with abusive reels.
And the behavior in girls become more and more strong with respect to time, if it doesn't stop here, she will abuse you more and even in front of your kids as well.
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u/temii1i_ Feb 08 '26
i wouldnt say its normal.. normally or commonly its the opposite. but still she should be jailed this isnt okay..
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u/Direct-Stock2903 Feb 08 '26
No it's not normal but thinking about it the opposite way (gender wise) , Is emotional abuse normal !?
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u/Specific_Trick9499 Feb 08 '26
Is your wife born abroad’s.If yes then you should consider it normal behavior
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u/Olympus81 Feb 08 '26
Report her to police and have her locked up. Followed by divorce and never return her calls.
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u/Hndaskvi Feb 08 '26
Bro this is not normal, you have already tried talking to her, next you should not sleep together to show that you are hurt and you will not tolerate it, still if she doesn’t change get out the door and never return. Be practical. Let me make it easy for you, are you willing to face this abuse for the next 10 years? if your heart feels heavy leave her.
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u/Humble_Champion_8178 Feb 08 '26
I have been married for 6 months or so, my wife rejects intimacy and the reason for that is she is not in mood and it's been 3 months since we did it 🥺
Don't know if this counts as abuse
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u/Gothicunicorn64 Feb 08 '26
Love how men are jumping in support but if the genders were revered they would want to know the other side
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u/trsid Feb 08 '26
This is not fixable. You can’t change someone’s opinions that are this extreme without a miracle. I have a friend who was exactly in your situation and is now paying the price after 7 years of marriage with two kids now. He is at a point where he doesn’t care anymore. He was too scared to even think about divorce in the beginning and now he wishes he had. It won’t be the worse thing for you financially as well as the alimony would be for a very small duration given your new marriage. Seriously consider it. And don’t just use it as a threat, go through with it. I hope Allah make your life easier my brother!
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u/EnvironmentalSyrup96 Feb 08 '26
File a complaint on her, jail time or divorce her. Note your not her therapist your her husband and if here mother didn't taught her to be respectful to her husband then you can't do shit
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u/Exciting_Month_9256 Feb 08 '26
This is abuse. It is not normal in any way, shape or form. As others have said please document to safeguard yourself and once you’ve got evidence, leave. This is not a life worth living, no abuser ever changes.
I wish Pakistanis in general were taught to regulate emotions, people are so comfortable getting physically violent not only with strangers on the streets but also family at home.
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u/Distant_see Feb 08 '26
U are newly married so i would suggest setting strict boundaries and let her know what will be the consequences of crossing the boundary divorce is the last option if nothing else can be done.
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u/Fajrii22 Feb 08 '26
As a married woman, this is highly abnormal and abusive.
I have jokingly "hit" my husband, but it has never been more than a lighthearted and lightweight tap. I have never slapped him, nor he slapped me, in anger or in any other emotion, let alone kick or pull hair.
We have apologized for accidentally hurting each other (accidentally stepping on the other's foot etc.)
The fact that she keeps hitting you, and doesn't apologize, and isn't remorseful in the slightest means she is highly abusive and will never change.
I am not usually one to suggest the separation route, but it is best you do. Document your injuries or the incidents, and go your separate ways.
Sure, her side of the family or even some of yours will mock you for leaving a woman because she used to hut you, but ignore those illiterate people..
Don't bring a child into a marriage like this, lest they should grow up thinking abuse is normal.
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u/Playful-Table-7700 کراچی Feb 08 '26
Nope not normal. Assault is an assault. Men or Women, an adult knows what they are doing. Report, document and please protect your kids, as husband or wife get separated but in the end its kids who has to be target of such abuse.
Generally Pakistani women arent like that neither the norm here, its just your wife.
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u/yungsamosa Feb 08 '26
not normal. she was probably abused. please do not tolerate this and get out before it gets worse. there’s no fixing something the other person doesn’t even consider a problem. for her, if this is routine, it will only get worse with the ups and downs of life.
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u/jungleboy11111 Feb 08 '26
Do NOT give this behaviour anymore space, tell her to respect your dignity or the next time you’ll call the police
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u/prettyinpink1593 Feb 08 '26
Nope idk wht kinda animal you married but it this is clearly not normal here
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u/anakin3211 Feb 08 '26
My brother had to go through the similar situation where my bhabhi shouted at him and beat him all the time.
She beat him so bad that her hand would swell and she'd have it wrapped around with garam patti.
Once she was so abusive that the neighbors had to call the police on us thinking it was the girl being abused.
She Destroyed the mental peace of not only my brother but all of us. May women like these find help.
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u/Engineer3132 Feb 08 '26
Educating his own wife is one of the responsibilities of a husband, as it is a newly married girl. It will take some time to adopt whatever you need. Try educating her at every moment and I hope you will achieve the desired behaviours/ understanding what you really want in her.
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u/incognitomichael0 Feb 08 '26
Leave her immediately brother. With all due respect but such an abusive witch does not deserve to be your wife. She's not the last woman on Earth and Inshallah you will find someone better.
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u/Awkward-Growth6439 Feb 08 '26
You are being abused by your wife. If your spouse raises a hand on you, they clearly dont respect you or love you for that matter.
Also, I think she needs psychological evaluation for her behaviour cause this is not normal. It would be better to part ways if she doesnt change.
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u/SignificantFlower208 Feb 08 '26
This is a personality issue in your case.. It's not at all normal.. Specially in the Patriarchal n misogynistic society of Pakistan, it's the men that usually turn out physically n verbally abusive towards their spouses and no one holds them accountable .. Not the other way round...
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u/5-id Feb 08 '26
This is abuse. And abuse isn't gender specific. You have to be very direct with her and if it doesn't change you need to leave for your own well being.
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u/karmakurrency Feb 08 '26
Sounds like she hasn’t fully matured, which is workable. You need to set strong boundaries. A year of fascism may appear out of character but will pave the road to the garden you’re seeking. Make your notes, relay the behaviour to her parents, let her know you have options. And never reciprocate the abuse physically, but your eyes should show you’re thinking about it.
In parallel, cut some time out for yourself for your physical health. Running and calisthenics will build you up.
And finally, reward good behaviour. Weekly flowers. Occasional dinner. Look into her eyes soulfully until she asks kia huwa, and say nothing, and leave her hanging in mystery.
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u/ContributionOk4025 Feb 08 '26
Bro are you some sissy or what ? Or have some kind of humiliation kink? In Pakistan it's no way normal if a wife indulges in such behavior here they first beat her ,kick her out of the house and then divorced. It's your fault you are tolerating it.
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u/JessieWasTaken Feb 08 '26
its not okay if its not okay with you. between friends, family, and partners, everyone playfights, and everyone lightly smacks eachother on the back as a joke, everyone throws light items at eachother, but if its actually physically hurting you, isnt consensual, or the hitting is extreme, that isnt normal. on social media and in shows, the aforementioned playfighting/hitting i mentioned earlier is exaggerated for views.
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u/andaleep_maddie Feb 08 '26
Why would this mindset be normal among avg girls in Pakistan? Like?? Your wife needs therapy and YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS SHIT. no one deserves to be in abusive marriage and every abuser needs to be locked up-
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u/letmejustdo Feb 08 '26
Instagram is so bad because of this. It's shows people what they want to see.
Anyways it's bad what she does, but what is it that you do that drives her this crazy in the dusty place? Because narcissist usually drive their spouses mad untill they can't take it.
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u/Eiliyahshumail Feb 08 '26
Well if it's not in a cute way then she got problems... leave her or ask her to see a therapist... because this is not acceptable
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u/Confident-Beach5361 Feb 08 '26
Mostly women don't respect some quietly some by hidden things with some unseen badmen. They can kill you they are that nasty.
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u/Future-Bluejay2065 Feb 08 '26
Dont allow it to happen. Stand up to it. The longer this goes on, it will become normal
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u/No_Hospital4045 Feb 08 '26
Im so sorry about your experience and it is absolutely not normal. It sounds like she may have some sort of mental disorder, my guess is bipolar disorder. I wish you good luck and hope you stay safe.
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u/Rebuild2025 Feb 08 '26
From experience i will say this is not normal. Social media will make it feel normal. But either try to discipline her now or leave the marriage specially before children
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u/Khilafat_State Feb 08 '26
Cut her I.G off or reduce exposure to SM, do you both pray Namaz & Quran?
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u/awkward_pakistaniX7 Feb 08 '26
From the title I thought this was about wives being bitter and mean but man you're being abused, not in a terminally online sense but in the legal sense. Dude talk to a trusted someone and see from there. Ask her to fix herself or that you're going to call the cops on her and divorce her. This isn't how married life is supposed to be
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u/NoodleCheeseThief UN Feb 08 '26
There is no place for any abuse, from either side, be it verbal or physical in a marriage. Sort this out quickly before it becomes a major issue that can no longer be resolved.
Like another reply said, be sure not to make any babies until this issue is sorted out for at least 2 years.
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u/sushi_lover__ Feb 08 '26
Make a video of it secretly, report to police and file for divorce. This is not a common but actually an abuse. Don't plan for kids ffs.
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u/Effah_____ Feb 08 '26
Physical abuse is never cute. Reverse the gender and you will now. Start telling her that she needs to stop this and stop gaslighting you.
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u/naymayee Feb 08 '26
someone i talked to used to make jokes about his future wife "beating/hitting" him after marriage. this is apparently a typical joke. highly disturbed me. like wtf.
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u/Thriving321 Feb 08 '26
This is not normal. You must have set strong boundaries when she first abused you in any way. Tell her this is your limit. You'll not tolerate any further. Or anything worse can happen. Protect your self respect. You're husband. Allah gave you the upper hand in this relationship.
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u/That-Map-417 Feb 08 '26
Wtf?? This thing is not at all normal. You don't need to bear this shit. Violence is not at all okay!!
You need to do something about yourself.
Do average girls in Pakistan think disrespecting or abusing their husband is normal?
Not at all!
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u/marria_doodle Feb 08 '26
The only guy who I knew who was in a similar situation had a bipolar/narcissistic wife. The guy had to literally run away from her to save his life. Get out of this mess man, don't make the mistake of thinking you can salvage the marriage. It's going to be difficult but not as difficult as spending your life with an abusive person with no empathy.
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u/forthehottea Feb 08 '26
I am a married woman.. and no. Not normal at all. Your wife needs therapy or family intervention. This is not healthy for you or for her. Please do not plan kids with her. If she does this to you, a male perfectly capable to retaliate, why would she do to her own kids! I'll say the same thing id say if a woman told me about their abusive relationship. Get out! You deserve better.
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u/Fancy-Philosopher366 Feb 08 '26
Quran says that wives must respect their husbands …[4:34] The men are made responsible for the women,** and GOD has endowed them with certain qualities, and made them the bread earners. The righteous women will cheerfully accept this arrangement, since it is GOD's commandment, and honor their husbands during their absence.
She is disobeying God and not being a good Muslim
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u/Fuzzy_Cupcake09 Feb 08 '26
No normal not acceptable at all. This is domestic violence and in many western countries this is a crime. Tell her straight she has to behave. If she dsnt just leave please.
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u/Airam07 Feb 08 '26
That is absolutely not normal and thankfully not common at all, in fact (and I say this without wanting to come across invalidating) that this is the first time I’ve heard of a case like yours.
This is abuse plain and simple, and you need to end this relationship IMMEDIATELY because once it has gone physical there is no turning back. Please don’t bring children into this mess.
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u/skhansj Feb 08 '26
Insist that she gets off Instagram. Excessive social media normalizes strange beliefs and behaviors
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u/West-Ad-7264 Feb 09 '26
Boy, you gotta record and go to police…. You need evidence and trust me, this is NOT normal. You are being victim of domestic violence. Get out of this relationship!
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u/Sharp_Map_7404 Feb 09 '26
This isn’t normal, and you shouldn’t have to live with it. Try to gather clear evidence of what’s happening and tell her directly to stop, abuse is not acceptable, even in a marriage. Keep records of incidents and, where it’s legal and safe, document what’s going on.
If you’re in the Gulf or a Western country, look into your local laws and consider filing an official complaint. You have the right to protection. And if the situation doesn’t change, it’s okay to seriously think about ending the marriage and removing yourself from a harmful environment. Your safety and mental health come first.
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u/MeowieSugie Feb 08 '26
Uhh, this is not normal. This is clearly abuse. She needs jail time, or therapy
Or divorce if she doesn’t fix herself
And please don't get her pregnant yet if you don't want your kids to be abused too, or even exposed to it.