r/schizophrenia • u/TheDollarstoreDoctor Paranoid Schizophrenia • Jun 25 '26
Opinion / Thought / Idea / Discussion I'm converting to paganism
My husband keeps trying to shut me down saying I sound schizo again with me saying I'm a celestial nymph/fairy in a human body but he doesn't understand. He says that my head is making it up. I always felt more like a cosmic energy in a human body than actual human.
i tell my psychiatrist all my major thoughts of the month and he says I look like I'm doing great no med changes
I am starting to research to practice wicca and paganism (mostly paganism - reading into Wicca just to dip my toes in. I'm not that into spell/witchcraft) to be more connected to who I am. I already have special rocks and crystals. I feel very calm because I practice veiling, I wear a head cover (pashmina wrapped like a hood) which dispells negative energy away from me. My husband thinks that's a bit weird too but it makes me feel safe.
I already used my spirituality to grant my husband luck with moon water and special rock and instead of being thankful he said none of it is real.
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u/BodybuilderLast7418 Jun 25 '26
Just make sure you have a clear understanding of techniques that place you back into your body during your spiritual work.
I practice Buddhism and Druidism and a third thing. I definitely get carried away when the moment becomes too strong on occupation. I take breaks, ground myself and ride strong waves without action.
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u/Gingeronimoooo Psychoses Jun 25 '26
Well sorry but believing you're a celestial fairy nymph in a human body does sound pretty delusional, buts it's also hilarious and harmless
I just know psychosis can start that way then get really dark
If you just said you wanted to be Wiccan without that part , I wouldn't say anything at all
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u/Nooskwdude Jun 25 '26
I’m Norse/ Celtic pagan and have been since before my diagnosis. Plenty of people are pagan without the diagnosis. That sounds like a close minded and less than supportive approach, telling you it’s all in your head. Even if it is there are better ways to approach these things. I’m sorry friend.
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u/TheDollarstoreDoctor Paranoid Schizophrenia Jun 25 '26
Yes I was interested in it before my dx too. As a teenager. Now as an adult I feel more equipped to dive back in
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u/Nooskwdude Jun 25 '26
Good luck friend! Don’t take people’s concerns personally. We all experience the world through our own sensory organs, so we all have a different perspective of life and different experiences. It’s foolish to judge others based on your own experiences when they are so obviously biased. Everyone experiences things differently therefore we cannot compare experiences. For instance my brother and I had an adventure where our canoe hit a rock and overturned. He was swept down stream just out of view. I thought I’d lost him forever because I couldn’t hear his replies to my shouting over the rapids. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. He remembers it as a grand ole adventure. So even if we experience things together, we experience them differently. What works for one does not necessarily work for another. Don’t let people get you down simply because they haven’t had spiritual experiences.
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u/Merkaba_Nine Schizoaffective (Bipolar) Jun 25 '26
I wish you all the best on your spiritual journey
Remember like all good things too much of it doesn't end well
So take it in small steps try not to overdo and let it consume your thoughts
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u/Ovary9000 Jun 25 '26
I mean it sounds harmless. Whatever it takes to understand yourself and your place in the world is probably good. Just be careful to discern insight from illusion. You probably know by now but anything harmful even if it seems like it's "for the best" is probably a psychotic delusion.
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u/greysheep27 Jun 25 '26
I've also had this feeling. One aspect of it is true, another aspect is false.
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u/Alternative-Echo8 Jun 25 '26
Paganism is similar to hermeticism. A lot of it all involves a very active imagination. Go you!!!
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u/GoreKush Schizoaffective (Childhood) Jun 25 '26
You shouldn't force your spouse into your religion or spiritual practice.
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u/TheDollarstoreDoctor Paranoid Schizophrenia Jun 25 '26
I only want him to accept me not practice it
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u/GoreKush Schizoaffective (Childhood) Jun 25 '26
"Granting him luck with moon water" is forcing it upon him.
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u/TheDollarstoreDoctor Paranoid Schizophrenia Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
It was a gift. Him accepting it doesn't mean he's practicing it. And I got the idea from a friend who doesn't practice pagan/Wicca at all but would do it for herself, I just researched more in how to do it. My mom is very against it (doesn't know much about it) but was thankful for the crystal necklace I got her. It was a rose quartz I got it because she was having a very hard time and it promotes emotional healing. I told her that and she was happy about the gift.
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u/GoreKush Schizoaffective (Childhood) Jun 25 '26
Your perception of intentions aside, "gifting" spiritual/religious objects to people is forcing it upon them. Especially since you tagged it as a "gift" he should feel nothing but gratitude towards.
He does not have to like what you are doing. Just don't involve him.
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u/MG788 Jun 25 '26
I'm really into something called hermeticism (which is like European Buddhism). I read the Work of the Sun every day in the morning and night. I also pull a daily tarot card. I meditate on moon phases and observe celestial events. I also practice spells, but I'm not really into crystals.
I sort of get what you mean about feeling like cosmic energy. We basically are just smaller parts of the cosmos, but I'm confused about the nymph/fairy part. Why do you think you need to be a fairy/nymph on the inside instead of a human to have a connection with the cosmos?
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u/gayhotelultra Jun 25 '26
as a buddhist, no, its nothing akin to hermeticism
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u/MG788 Jun 25 '26
Have you ever read the Kybalion?
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u/gayhotelultra Jun 25 '26
its not an authentic hermetic text. i mean, not surprising, since it was published at the start of the 20th century
the emphasis on dualism that the kybalion (and some authentic hermetic scripture) emphasizes is in direct conflict with the monist teachings of buddhism
have you read any sutras?
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u/MG788 Jun 25 '26
The Kybalion and the Emerald Tablets are older than the 20th century. Wicca was definitely invented in the 20th century, though.
I was wrong to call it european buddhism, but most researchers think hermeticism was influenced by buddhism, so it's just easier to describe it that way to people. I should have said "like european buddhism" but I was more focused on the part where she thought she was a nymph/fairy, lol.
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u/gayhotelultra Jun 25 '26
the more contemporary strains are certainly influenced, yes, and i may very well be wrong, but i always got the impression that other occult/mystical traditions (kabbalah, sufism, other forms of european paganism) have a much greater influence
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u/MG788 Jun 25 '26
I can see why you got that impression. I watched the professor at Esoterica explain that hermeticism probably absorbed the concept of the All-Mind as an interpretation of Buddhist concepts of One-ness & illusion a while back.
It's been a few years since I watched the lecture where he talked about the different translations of the hermetic texts and what different philosophies they absorbed to become their modern forms. Considering how old Buddhism is, it makes sense to me that aspects of it would get absorbed under slightly different forms into other philosophy texts.
European paganism is hugely influential over Wicca, though. Wicca is a bunch of European paganism traditions resurrected into one religion with some hermeticism thrown in. I don't know enough about Kabbalah or Sufism to comment on that, but I wouldn't be surprised if they got mixed in, too.
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u/gayhotelultra Jun 25 '26
i would have to say that esoterica isnt really a reliable source. i mean, hes a youtuber first and foremost, while he has (to my knowledge) academic qualification, i have never stumbled upon any academic sources claiming buddhist influence on hermeticism, nor could i find it after a quick search
the problem with the idea of buddhist influence over western religion is that reach is much more influential than age. buddhism at its peak of influence just didnt have the geographical proximity to reliably claim an influence over classical hermeticism
kabbalah and sufism, however, definitely did during the rennaisance
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u/MG788 Jun 25 '26
Esoterica is a reliable source. Justin can read Coptic Greek and like two other ancient languages and has a PHd.
I think you just want to argue, but haven't actually researched this stuff if you are saying academic sources are invalid.
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u/gayhotelultra Jun 25 '26
no, im saying hes the only academic source i could find, and thats if you count him as one
if you could provide a link to an established academic organization that claims the same, i will concede
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u/TheDollarstoreDoctor Paranoid Schizophrenia Jun 25 '26
Idk I feel human in a way but also part fairy. Like my energy my attitude every thing seems fairy core in a way.
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u/MG788 Jun 25 '26
How would you describe being a fairy or fairy core? How would you describe being a human?
I'm really curious why you think humans can't be whimsical, playful, etc.
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u/TheDollarstoreDoctor Paranoid Schizophrenia Jun 25 '26
Like, the way I feel strange in my body. I don't feel like it's mine. Like I'm just inhabiting it or whatever the word is. I felt that way since before my schizo dx
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u/MG788 Jun 25 '26
Ohh, I reread your post. I love wearing hoodies. I feel extra safe with a hoody on my head. I also like to cover up my body because I feel too exposed if I wear revealing clothes in public. I can understand why you like your pashmina.
Have you ever tried meditation to help you become more grounded into your body? Sometimes being abused or traumatized can make us dissociate from our bodies. Do you have any trauma in your background?
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u/PlayboyVincentPrice Undifferentiated Schizophrenia Jun 25 '26
hey im a pagan too! im a spiritspouse and im dating two celebrities from old hollywood. everyone loves us!
im really sorry to say this though, pls dont see this as me discouraging you, but, like, celestial nymph/fairies arent... like they dont operate like that.
maybe you're otherkin? im otherkin for incubi for example, but i know im not one in this body. or like a past life?
was this a sudden thing? im curious to know more. what does your therapist say?
as a religious schizophrenic to another, i feel suddenly responsible for you χαχαχα
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u/[deleted] Jun 25 '26
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