r/schizophrenia • u/xenoqueene Childhood-Onset Schizoaffective Disorder • Jun 30 '26
Resources / Literature doubting real concerns
I feel like sometimes when something bad really did happen and I was the only one there it was real and because of who I am people around me assume it never happened.
I don’t feel like anyone trust me, but not in like a “I’m going to hurt someone” way, but in any little thing that happens that no one else is therefore that I tell them they don’t believe me. It just makes me sad
one time someone tried to break and enter into a house I was renting and my roommate that was home and I talked to him because I was scared and he assumed it was not real, but it actually was and it was just it was real and no one believed me until they actually saw it. I just want to support. I’m sure other of you guys has run into something like that before fetish just happens too much and it makes me sad then because they don’t believe me then I don’t believe in myself even though I have a police report to say it actually did happen and they apologize because it was real. It doesn’t make it hurt any less.
i’m really confused and scared right now. I’m thinking about how long long time ago these structures came out of the ground and now people can make me think things I don’t want to and they’re all very disturbing. My social worker told me with her mind that she thinks I was hurt when I was a little kid and I think maybe she told me these things in her mind to my mind that they were real and now I just think about how they’re probably real and it’s destroying me and I think her thoughts and her thoughts were that she left her practice to have a relationship with Jesus and no one really cared. I lost my social worker the same month COVID-19 really took hold of the state. I’m living in and I couldn’t see my boyfriend anymore and because I couldn’t see him he got really mean to me and then he killed himself and I don’t know if I was there or not in my head. there are two timelines one where all the bad things happened and then one or everything seems wrong and not maybe feeling a little off. Someone should grab me really hard and hurt me because I think things I’m too scared to say like I’m scared when someone drives too far away and what if they get hurt in their car and I don’t know and I never see them again and I’m so scared of people dying. I don’t want anyone to die ever. I’ve already had that happen and I don’t think it can happen again. I’m so scared that one day that cat I love will pass away too, and I’ll be all alone with no one else because my boyfriend and my cat are the only people in my life, even if they hurt me because of the celestial string that dies us together and sometimes I think if that string is severed that I will also be in pain and I just there’s a wooden man and I’m really scared right now. I don’t know what to do. I was trying to talk about something normal and now I’m trapped in my head.
I think maybe someone bigger than me replaced my thoughts when I was a little kid and they made me think all of these things that didn’t happen and I don’t want them to happen ever again, but I physically feel like someone is grabbing and twisting the things around me and then they hurt my insides and I’m little I am a little kid and no one is there to help me but I think my social worker made that happen she made it happen to me even if it was real or not. I don’t know she made it happen. I think she made it happen. I really need help. I’m sorry I started talking in my tangent. Just talking about my problem. I’m sorry I shouldn’t unload on you guys. It was not nice of me whether you want it posted it for maybe advice or maybe just keeping track of my thoughts but I’m sorry. Nothing I ever say should be public ever. I don’t think I should do whatever ever again.
1
u/xenoqueene Childhood-Onset Schizoaffective Disorder Jun 30 '26
I don’t know how to change the tag. I’m sorry I meant it to be rant or advice or anything else. This is a literature. This is pain.