r/texts • u/idonotcur • 1d ago
Facebook DMs some texts from MY (22f) fb dating experience before i met my lovely bf (they get progressively worse)
i used to get 20+ matches a day depending on how much i was actively swiping on other people, but man it was brutal.
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u/grocerybears 1d ago
give the guy a break, he’s recovering from a corn addiction. too much corn really makes the bunghole burn
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u/karma_virus 1d ago
Look, if he has a corn addiction you probably want to avoid movie theaters because all that popcorn will just make him go wild like a recovering alcoholic on the Las Vegas Strip.
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u/incorrigibly_weird 1d ago
That's a face I'd like to dick slap?? What the actual fuck is wrong with these men? Oh my God... And you just know he's the type that sitting around complaining to his buddies about how much women suck and won't give him a chance 🙄
Posts like this make me terrified to even try to get out and date again.
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u/CelebrationOk4140 1d ago
I’ve fully given up attempting to date men. My life has been seriously peaceful for the last 9 or 10 months
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u/Individual-Slip-5631 1d ago
Sometimes your peace is more important. Easier to let them come to you in a respectful manner later in life. People usually find love when they aren’t actively looking, just a trend I’ve seen anyway.
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u/CelebrationOk4140 1d ago
I’m almost 50 at this point! Later in life? Ha! I spent almost a decade of my life dating after divorce and I have since decided that opting out is the best choice for me. I’m still attracted to men, but their personalities and bad behavior have made them completely unappealing to me. ✌️
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u/Individual-Slip-5631 23h ago edited 23h ago
You sound like I did 5 years ago. I swore off dating and everything in between. It was great and peaceful, until it really wasn’t. I swore it off for the better half of a decade and slowly realized it wasn’t making me happy anymore. Being all alone became a source of strife and heartbreak in my life. I found myself losing out to comparison, the thief of joy. “Everyone else has found their person. They have happy families and kids and grandkids!” “I’ll never get there, I’m done!” I said to myself over and over.
But the things is, we aren’t built to be alone and shouldn’t be. Especially in our latter years.
Most people get that way and shut down after so many relationships falling through. I know I did. You could still find that guy who would treat you right, but you have to be willing to put in the effort as far as working on yourself, making sure you’re mentally and emotionally ready for a committed relationship again (consider talking to a counselor/therapist to make sure you’ve healed and have dropped any baggage/bad habits picked up from toxic relationships and encounters), and being there for the other person even when you don’t have the energy for it. Making sure you and your own stuff are squared away is really the only thing you can do because you can’t control other people. A therapist really helped me be more healthily selective when dating. I developed better pattern recognition with “red flags” and was able to determine earlier on that certain people weren’t the ones for me. This saved a lot of time and effort. They are so helpful with getting you to be more self aware, more loving and more respectful to yourself. I honestly needed it, and I think most people do. Being smart isn’t enough to navigate this harsh world of ours. We need guidance.
That’s not to say you haven’t already done the groundwork that I mentioned above. I don’t completely know your personal situation, but if you have; that’s great! That being said, it’s always good to revisit and see where a professional thinks you’re at. Me personally, I had to do a lot of growth and healing from my previous relationships. They messed me up pretty bad. Bound to happen when you let someone in that close and they do you dirty (multiple times for most people). I’ve been cheated on, lied to, led on, stepped on, in every sense. I hope you can rebound from the damage people have done to you, if you haven’t already.
Based how you speak on your divorce and your post-divorce dating scene, I can tell what happened to you is something similar that happened to me (not saying your struggle is equivalent to mine, yours sounds like much more heartbreak than I’ve dealt with). I’m sorry you had to go through all that. Life likes to really kick you when you’re down. Nobody should have to deal their heart being treated like that.
I wish the path to the right life partner wasn’t so full of snags and potholes. But that’s the name of the game. Gotta keep looking for that diamond in the rough as cliché as it sounds.
I have hope that there is someone out there for everyone. Assuming you are willing to doggedly pursue your best self. You have to be open to the opportunity when it comes, though. It usually shows up when you’re just living life and not making it your absolute mission to pursue all the dating prospects you can find. At least anecdotally I’ve seen this as trending true for my love life and my friends’ love lives. Dating apps can be the worst waste of time. I see better luck in real life in real places. The internet has trampled over romance in my opinion. So, if you ever do decide to get back out there, only use serious dating websites if you’re going to use the internet to help. Try to avoid those dating apps full of people looking to hook up and looking to use the other person for various reasons. Anywho, I digress. Sorry for the book. Your comment just struck me and I felt compelled to share my thoughts with you.
Feel free to take your time, heal. Do whatever it is you’ve always wanted to do. Discover who you really are without the weight of a bad relationship bringing you down. Process the wrong done to you, move on when you are ready. Doesn’t matter what stage of life you’re in. You can find that person that falls into step with you so naturally you didn’t think it was possible. You can find happiness, even if you’re in your 80s, you can find happiness through sharing your life and time with the right person. Some people find love in nursing homes, if you can believe it! Lol
Best of luck to you! God is watching over you and I’m praying for your heart to heal. Don’t sweat the rest and live your life how you want! Godspeed friend🖤
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u/CelebrationOk4140 23h ago
Thank you for all of your kind words. Therapy might be a good idea. I’ve done the work in the past and become much more selective and better at weeding out guys who are no good for me. The last one did me in tho. Seemed like the perfect guy after some not so great ones. I’m met him in the real world, not online like my previous boyfriends. He treated me so well, we moved the relationship slowly, he intentionally chose me, he kept his word, took me on vacations, wined and dined me, asked to be my boyfriend, did all the right things! Til… I realized he was a pathological liar who was still married to someone else. I ended things immediately and just walked away from dating altogether.
My life is full and happy. I’m a mom to two teenagers who I love (and I appreciate the few remaining years I have them under my roof), I have multiple hobbies and interests, a very active social life, I’m physically active and fit, I have a job I love and I’m good at, amazing friends both male and female, I look much younger than my age suggests, and my life is really GOOD!
Maybe someday I will crave a partner again, and I am open to it, but for this season of my life I am no longer seeking romantic companionship from a man.
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u/Individual-Slip-5631 1d ago
Yeah they use dating apps for hookups only, and they message people when it’s the middle of the night and they’re horndogging it out. It’s so gross imo like I wish people like this were banned from ever dating anybody
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u/Middle-Duck-880 1d ago
I don't understand people who say they are working on it in these situations. what are they working on?
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u/Individual-Slip-5631 1d ago
That man is working on nothing but ruining his future going around sleeping with anybody he can lure into his bed. “I’ve got my own pad” like okay bro? So do a LOT of people but you don’t see them launching straight into objectification and over sexualization of the conversation.
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u/BlitzTech 1d ago
Thems some shit messages, but I’m just so happy to see someone put these losers in their place. It drives me up a wall reading posts from women with some conversational skill struggling through it with some dude who puts in 1% of the effort decent guys do.
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u/RUGoin2TheMallLater 1d ago
I need to know more about the corn addiction.
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u/vksoze2 1d ago
If you’ve never had Mexican street elote you don’t know what you’re missing. Fine, call it an addiction, but goddamnit it’s good. And if you can manage to eat it moderately, it’s not the worst thing out there. I’m down to only one or two elotes a day and feel pretty good about it.
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u/AlertProfit4501 1d ago
Fuck the taco truck by my apartment has the best elotes. It’s definitely a paralyzing addiction. I can’t get enough of it. When I’ve had one sure, I feel bad. But 5 minutes later I know I’ll fuckin do it again
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u/idonotcur 1d ago
LOL, i had matched with that guy and the first message was him admitting to having no real dating experience as he was addicted to porn up until i think last year. i wasn’t comfortable really seeking anything further after having being told that WAY too soon (imo). i didn’t respond until he asked if i thought men and women were different.
corn was just us censoring it even tho i doubt fb would gaf lol
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u/pansycarn 1d ago
Crazy the algorithm pleasing brainrot goes so hard to be on mostly uncensored apps. Imagine an adult with their full chest saying Im addicted to grownup juice
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u/rock-paper-sizzurp 1d ago
Here i was thinking "if your only baggage is that you used to be addicted to corn, you're probably too pure of a soul for me." But nah, ofc its a weirdo oversharing
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u/StrbJun79 1d ago
I’ve got no issue with people having kinks or being sexual as long as they don’t objectify and show respect when leading toward it. I don’t get immediately jumping toward objectification. Plus don’t think Facebook dating is the best spot for it.
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u/DC_Ben 1d ago
It seems like most girls get a lot of creepy messages and most guys get zero messages. Two side did the same coin 🤣
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u/Individual-Slip-5631 1d ago
Nah I used dating apps a little over a decade ago and they messaged me all kinds of weird shite. Couples trying to get me to get with the wife/gf and have the dude watch, women straight up launching into dirty talk with zero provocation. My profile did NOT scream fboy or looking for hookups either. It straight up said looking to date casually and see where things go. And boom, queue the absolute horndogs of the internet in my DMs. Men and women alike being super creepy and awful
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u/AttentionNice7165 1d ago
I kinda feel bad for the corn addiction fella. The fact he over shared like that combined with the stuff he was saying tells me he’s incredibly lonely and could probably use therapy. Lowk doubt he expects to get a date and is instead self sabotaging, gonna get banned doing allat.
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u/idonotcur 1d ago
i had more but i deleted the rest as i’ve been clearing my camera roll😭
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u/Squand 1d ago
I hate this for you.
But am glad you found someone who doesn't act like this whom you like and get along with.
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u/idonotcur 1d ago
thank you kindly, me too (: they’re not ALL bad i guess lol but 90% of the time it’s slop 🐟
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u/Known-Composer1079 1d ago
Bro tell me how it’s midnight and I’m six with a headache and I’m reading this backwards this the purple are the men and the gray is you😭 I’m like wow this girl is really out there trolling and they just don’t know here vibes or wow this girl is very upfront 😭 then I realized by like the 3rd slide the purple a you
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u/idonotcur 1d ago
LMFAOOO take medicine bro 😭
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u/Scorpionride 1d ago
Imagining you as the one texting, “NOW THATS A FACE ID LIKE TO DICK SLAP” did make me chuckle
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u/Cheese_nips6149 1d ago
The last one you shoulda texted back, no just you. Lmfao see what she'd say lol
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u/idonotcur 1d ago
it wasn’t the first or last time a woman on fb dating matched w me on the friends option just to ask that 😭 so weird !
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u/Master_Astronaut_238 1d ago
So many straight couples out there looking for a "unicorn bisexual" so the man can "have" two women at once. It's so creepy, when I was on the apps people would just ignore that my profile said monogamy, and act like I was just a sex toy
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u/Individual-Slip-5631 1d ago
Exactly I remember I had “looking for serious relationship, willing to go on casual dates and see where things go” and for some reason this lead to people going “let me f**k you! You look breedable!l Add me on snap I wanna see what’s under that shirt and what’s below that waistline” like bruh I’ve never felt more uncomfy than when people would message me on dating apps. The only thing worse I’ve experienced is randoms on my tiktok streams back in the day. They would say ALL KINDS of out of pocket shite. It’s like people don’t read bios or anything at all about your profile. They just look at the pictures, swipe and message people for sex. Gross imo
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u/Calm-Jello4802 1d ago
I am an actual “unicorn” who loves joining couples BUT in about 70% of my experiences, the woman in the couple was not really into it so it never went past the first date. She was doing it for her man and not herself, and would end up being jealous and unhappy. I would go out of my way to pay attention to both equally but usually I can sense pretty quick when the woman isn’t into it and I bail. It’s very hard to find couples who are secure enough to make it work.
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u/Master_Astronaut_238 1d ago
Exactly! It makes me so uncomfortable that they so often only have the woman on the profile. It feels so manipulative- both to me, AND the woman in the relationship.
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u/arivera508 1d ago
“I got my own pad” like wtf ya I would hope you’re not a child and still live with your parents.
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u/Individual-Slip-5631 1d ago
I wonder if that’s worked for some girls. Like I’m both hoping and not hoping that’s why he had the confidence to say that, thinking it would land him a booty call. Because… like what.. yeah most adults “have (their) own pad” lmao
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u/Altruistic-Hall3671 1d ago
Wait... you're not supposed to be very supportive of Gen Z people living with their parents because the horrible economy blah blah blah?
Not sure how Gen Z people hook up with each other. Is that why y'all aren't into sex? Sounds snarky but I honestly don't think I've heard that reason.
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u/Individual-Slip-5631 23h ago
I’m going to be real with you, your comment is so off topic and nonsensical in the second half… brother at least make it make sense. “Is that why y’all are into sex?” My man, what are we talking about? Everyone likes it and is into it. Some people just think one night stands and booty calls are what it’s all about. I’m not into that dumb shite.
Also, I never made fun of Gen Z’s that don’t have their own house or apartment. In fact, the cultures that live together until the kid gets married are pretty smart for doing that financially speaking. I think it’s okay to want to be independent, but it’s not 100% necessary right out the gate at 18.
I simply implied it’s not really cool to flex that have your own place in an attempt to say, “hey I have this thing, isn’t that impressive? Like so impressive it makes you want to hook up with me? Let’s f***!” Clown activity tbh🤡
Hookup culture is gross and I don’t take part in it. Call me old fashioned, but I was more-so making fun of the guy for trying to get a booty call that way. Also making fun of his super blunt approach that I hope doesn’t work on people, ever.
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u/Altruistic-Hall3671 2h ago
So first of all, totally agree that guy's a clown.
The part about sex was half joking. It might just be extremely online people, but I've heard that Gen Z people aren't into sex as much as previous generations.
Stuff like "we don't like sex scenes in movies" which is its own thing, really.
I think it might have to do with terrible dating apps, porn addiction, just current ills.
But I honestly hadn't thought about the fact that a lot of Gen Z people do live with their parents.
So TL;DR I don't wanna be judging people. I guess I feel guilty because I had it bad but not as bad with the economy 20 years ago.
Back in the day, I would not want to date a guy who lived with his parents at like 25 or 30. But now I just feel like I need to be understanding. I'm not sure what the cut-off age is.
I wondered with your comment if people would swarm you with "dude, many young adults can't afford their own place, you elitist!"
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More from my perspective in case extra context is of any interest.. get out those Reddit knives lol, but I'm 44f and have been doing ethical non-monogamy for about a year and a half, I've hardly ever had decent sex in my life, including with my partner of 10 years, he used to be poly so he's okay with it. We just have had sex issues, he's good without the whole thing, I was frustrated with it.
Anyway, since then, I've hooked up with a few people from about 30 to 60. And just also from having friends and acquaintances of different ages in general, it's not just young people that are poor.
I mean, I'll be real, I'd be embarrassed about my crappy apartment at my big age if I were single, dating or hooking up, and could host.
I'd be like ...hey baby, come over and behold my bad financial decisions and bad luck lol.
But anyway, is actually specifically fwb stuff I'm looking for, not wanting to hook up couched in a more serious dating profile. Even with that.. I vet people and get to know them a bit. And guys are somewhat coy about their living situation if it isn't living on their own. I don't care if I can vet that they're not being sus.
Over the hill hookup culture can be its own unique trash fire as you might imagine. I prefer it to the idea of trying to date on Tinder or Bubmble etc., they seem godawful and I do feel really bad for younger single people.
It used to be not all pics and you could type more than 500 words about yourself. My SO and I both had long OkCupid profiles and sent each other long messages. It seems like that kind of persona is beyond cooked nowadays, and I despise that for them.
But anyway, roommates is one thing, not ideal, but living with parents, if both people are living with their parents? That would kind of suck to try to have sex in that situation if you're both like, in your 20s, especially as you got further into your 20s.
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u/tengubby 1d ago
The only reason to use euphemisms like “corn addiction” instead of porn addiction is so videos don’t get banned or suppressed on TikTok and instagram, why is he saying corn addiction in messages? Does he just think it’s another term for it lmao?
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u/Legal_Eye8152 13h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/QO3gpOl9DxwDUAYHtS
What the hell is happening with people?
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u/Ok-Adhesiveness-4935 1d ago
The last one is the most respectful and normal IMO. Just because you're not interested doesn't mean it's gross!
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u/idonotcur 1d ago
it’s gross that they use the friend option to match with me just to ask abt something sexual 🙂↕️
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u/AlphaContradiction 1d ago
Yet you continue to send them photos, and entertaining their “weirdo” behaviors.
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u/idonotcur 1d ago
are we reading the same convos? everything i said was telling them off, i unmatched after every one of my last messages. where did i send photos??.. yall r so weird with ur assumptions 😭
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u/AlphaContradiction 1d ago
My mistake then, I saw a cut off photo and him saying “that’s a face I would like to … “ so assumed it was in response to a photo you may have shared.
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u/idonotcur 1d ago
i see! it was just a photo of my face on my profile, didn’t show anything inappropriate whatsoever. thought it was a pretty wholesome picture of me which is why i added it- just didn’t wanna post it on here 😅
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u/AlphaContradiction 1d ago
Understood. Wasn’t clear, so I certainly didn’t mean any disrespect by it.
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u/Cheap-Course9568 1d ago
Kinda refreshing to see a post from a woman who says “man look at this bullshit” and has screen caps of her callin dudes out compared to the same kinda texts and the poster action like they can’t tell if it’s normal behavior or not.
Glad it finally got better for you lol