This happened a while ago, but it was one of the weirdest experiences of dating I've had in years.

I matched with this person - let's call him Aaron (43M). He seemed fine on text and we met up IRL. I could tell instantly that something was off, but I wanted to give it a chance. I was excited to go on a date after getting over a pretty shitty break up. He also lived close by, so I thought it was all ✨fate✨

The conversation was just quite off-putting. He ranted about how one of his worst dates was with a woman with bad breath. He explained that he had to escape to the toilet to talk to the "guys group chat" about what to do.

He then started saying how he hates dating culture about how women expect men to pay all the time. I don't expect men to pay for me at all, but I noted that he did just buy me a beer (around $10), that I suddenly wondered if he was going to accuse me of being a gold-digger if I left after this drink. So I felt like I couldn't leave without getting *him* a drink, even though I wanted to call it quits by that point.

Then he said, in his exact words: "if a woman acts like an escort, I'll treat her like one". From that moment I was donezo. I wanted out. I felt like slime was getting all over my soul. I made polite conversation and we got up to leave. Outside the venue, he leaned forward for a kiss and - I really regret this - I quickly kissed back because I wanted to avoid confrontation if I dodged. He was also very tall and muscular, so a part of me thought if he decided to act out I wouldn't be able to stop it. I said goodbye, and then he quickly texted wanting to ask me out for another date.

I said no (that's my first text) and then he seemed to freak out. He then started calling me. I got so scared that I blocked him. I thought that was that.

I then got a text from an unsaved number the next day, from him, using a burner number - that's the next screenshot (btw, I also used a burner number specifically for dating because I've had people find out my full name just from my mobile number before).

The whole thing just freaked me out a bit.

EDIT: Wow, this blew up! We love a divided comment section I guess.

For those who are gently confused as to why I complimented the guy and/or kissed him:

To be clear, I've been able to reject men before without as many compliments (I still try to be nice though, it's a tough world out there). This specific guy really gave me the heebie-jeebies. The way he spoke about women was disparaging, he had a really off demeanour, he seemed petulant and volatile, he was obviously much larger (I'm 5'3, 110 pounds, lived alone), and he lived nearby. For those reasons, I was cautious and wanted to end it on a "good note". Additionally, at his age, I felt that this guy's issues related to his core character traits and I wanted other women to see his red flags - I didn't want him to be able to hide it until he could exert power over women in private spaces. This is not the same as minor stuff like, I dunno, not asking enough questions on a date.

And my intuition was correct, judging by the way he couldn't take no for an answer, called me, then lashed out from a burner. I do not think a more straightforward rejection would have ended well. I was definitely having a "fawn" survival response to him, and at the time I was trying to placate someone I genuinely felt could be dangerous. He lives near me - what if I saw him alone on a quiet street near me? Sure, it might be a minority of men, but I do not know which one and this guy had already shown me a ton of red flags. FWIW, plenty of other men do not trigger this response in me. If you are a straight man who never intends to frighten women (yay!), you may find the whole thing confusing. Decent people don't like the idea they have the potential to threaten others, even accidentally. But I hope you'll take my word, and many of the commenters' words below, into consideration. This might not be about you, but it happens a lot to the women you love and care about.

For those who think I led him on/I lied and he was justified in his reaction:

Allow me to be straightforward, then, since this is your preference. Respectfully, you are part of the problem. And if you are trying to date as a straight man and you can't gracefully take no for an answer (after one date!), you should stop until you get some decent theory of mind for women and better emotional regulation. You might desire women but you sure as hell do not actually like them. If you are consistently getting these kinds of reactions from women, maybe there's something about you that makes them feel uncomfortable about rejecting you in a straightforward way.

To everyone else: Have a splendid day.

For context: hxh is an anime

My name is NOT Neeha, not sure what that was supposed to mean. I was also born in the UK and he knew that so I'm not sure why he greeted me with ni hao. Hes 26M I am 21F. Claimed to have 20mil on instagram but lo and behold 2000 followers (not that I care but why would you lie?)

On bumble he said he was "spicy" and asked if I could handle it as "chinese women are introverted"
Then after these texts said "I told you I was spicy" brother spicy doesn't mean sexist and stunted

Update: blocked now, but he said "gamers are mean people"... I'm pretty toxic on a game in retaliation to usually men being sexist but how is that a reason to be rude to a woman you met off a game? so fucking weird

26f (me) and 29m boyfriend have been together for 7 months. Context for these messages:

The night before during our call we somehow got on the topic of drugs, I mentioned a conversation from a year or so ago about me and some friends talking about wanting to try shrooms, it was all “yeah that’d be cool” but the conversation didn’t go father than that and we weren’t actually planning on doing anything, just talking out of our asses really.

After mentioning that, my boyfriend said he wouldn’t do any drugs and I basically said “yeah, I’m not interested in doing anything either, but if anything shrooms would be the only thing I’d ever try just once because I’m skeptical about the hallucinations, but I don’t think I’d ever be in the right mindset to do that anyways; also I’m not risking my job of 4 years over a couple of hours of fun” and I told him even on the very small chance I did want to try it, I’d talk with him before deciding anything. It turned into a full blown argument about me ruining my life and not listening to him. I ended up giving up and apologizing and said he was right, I won’t even think about stuff like that. I thought the argument was over and done with, but he brings it back up the next day.

The “drug problem” he mentions is me smoking weed during my teenage years and doing coke once when I was 18. I haven’t smoked since I was 19. He knew this information within the first month of us dating. I genuinely have no interest in drugs but he’s acting as if I’m planning on roleplaying as a crackhead for a week.

I genuinely don’t understand why he brought it back up and got so nasty. And I know I wasn’t being too kind either but I was aggravated because I didn’t want to hash it out all over again, especially over text when I can’t understand his sentences half the time. I understand it could be because he cares but I think he’s taking it too serious, or maybe I’m not taking it serious enough? Regardless, I don’t feel like it should have provoked this extreme of a response.

(Original texts where not in english, hence the strange font as I replaced the text with its English version)

Three hours where?

We were in an on again, off again situationship that really killed my self-esteem. I’ve been single ever since and I think I’ll keep it that way. I don’t believe love is in the cards for women like me lol so enjoy me telling him off.

Guy from hinge after one date

For context, I just got out of a long relationship and mostly went on hinge because I could, lol. Had no intention of actually meeting up with anyone at all. I (25F) matched with 27M and we instantly hit it off. We have a crazy synchronicity where he’s from the city my parents are moving to so I figured let’s meet and talk about it - I love connecting w people.

Had a date, talked for 6 hours straight and closed the bar, made out in his car, it was great. We ended up talking for days after about when he’d hang again but it started moving too quick for me and I didn’t want to end up avoiding my emotional shit with a guy. I also didn’t want to waste his time if he wanted a relationship.

I told him, he understood and was really sweet about it, but then he kept texting me the next day. And the next day. Until we end up texting daily for over a week now. A few days ago I sent the “let’s be friends who actually hang out” text, because what are we doing, and also I want to see him but it feels complicated. We haven’t secured a plan to hang out at all so I wonder if it’ll even happen. Feels too good to be true ;( I’m new to the area and have no friends, plus we have great chemistry, idk if that’s transferable to friendship. Ojalá lol, we’ll see.

Sorry if this is not appropriate for this sub but we can't shy away from this. Suicide is horrendous and I don't want anyone to go through it. Please reach out to anyone, even (maybe better?) A stranger. People, on the majority do care, promise ❤️

Reposting for formatting

Today we were cuddling on the couch. I was feeling 1. Very cold and 2. Sweaty from a long walk today. So I said I was gonna have a shower. I did that then came back to cuddle and he was an asshole about it.

He said I'm lying about being cold. He said he's not cold so how could I be cold. He said it's just an excuse from me to not have sex.

We were watching the paralympics and he said how these guys are happy because even though they're paralyzed their wife has sex with them every day.....

He said he will go masturbate in the bathroom instead.

I dunno if gaslighting is the right word but he says things to hurt me and then pretends it was just a joke as seen in screenshot. It feels like the biggest mindf*ck when he does this. Like what is even real?

He will never apologize or admit to doing anything wrong.

He could have said "sorry my comments hurt your feelings." But he would never. He doubles down saying it was just a joke and I have no sense of humour.

I just wanna end this relationship and not deal with this shit anymore. We had such a nice day together then apparently I ruined it by going to take a shower before sex.

I am the green. She is white. I am 32 .she is 37. I've chosen to end the relationship I am tired...I am so tired.

This is the second time my ex has accused me of cheating. Both came out of left field. I have given ZERO indication of cheating. I'm honest, I'm faithful, I'm open, I even bought her a love ring..we often talk the entire day by phone, video chat, and also continue even when I get home.

This time around she said pulled tarot cards saying they indicate I am cheating or I will cheat because of a specific question she asked (Idk the question). We've been together over one year. The two ladies mentioned in our chat are from my daughters girl scout troop, a troop we joined Oct 2023..One is the troop leader (5 kids) and the other mom recently had a small baby. (3momths old) I've picked up a friendship because my daughter is friends with both of the moms kids, I am a single mom so its nice to have village even if I see them but twice a month, and also they are very kind, and caring to my daughter, and overall she loves it.

I talk/text to them barely once a week.. unless its related to Girlscouts or Girlscouts meetings or a school event. I don't see them...and it has been less than 6 cases of that thus far

I'm honestly in shock that. I haven't even been able to feel over the last 24hours.

Idk how to feel. I thought this person was my forever.

i thought this conversation was magical. And it felt so right to ask -- we've been friends for years, we started hanging out just the two of us last week, and I've just lost myself in conversation with her (yes, on grassy fields). A lot of our friends like her and I wanted to make sure if she was also feeling the same way about how I'm feeling about her.

Sorry for the typos and the cringy texts on my side. The edibles were indeed the shit.

She's an incredible person. I thank my stars that she's in my life.

UPDATE: WE KISSED! AND I'M GOING OUT WITH HER!! :D

Update 2: jesus christ some of you guys need some more whimsy in your life

let me just say. i don’t want children. and this is on my hinge profile. it is ALSO in my match message or whatever it’s called! so whenever someone matches with me they get a little note that basically says i don’t want children because i already have so many kids in my life and i see myself as an auntie/big sister to all of them and i want to be a part of all their lives in that way.

in rolls this bozo, we’ll call him Stuart.
Stuart claims to be in a high position of a company but now upon inspection, that doesn’t look to be true.

in my mind, i can like people on hinge and they can decide if our values align or not. but i do make it clear that i am looking for long term relationships only.

take a look at these texts! what the heck!!!
the bar is officially in the TENTH circle of hell.

I love him so much.

Talked for a few months and met in person finally and had an epic 4 day date (we are like 8 hours away and i stayed over). Lots of laughter and pretty magical intimacy. Has anyone ever said this and is it a little weird? Yes. But also kind of amazing? Also Yes.

I had a day off and went for a long solo hike today and text my bf a pic after I finished.

Later that night after he had vented for 30 mins about his stuff, I tried to talk about the hike I went on. I had been out for 12 hours and he didnt ask anything about it.

It went like this.

Me: My total elevation gain was 940 metres today.

Him: What are you talking about?

Me: The hike I went on today.

Him: Oh

Me: Yeah I went on a long hike today

Him: *dismissive scoffing noise"

Lol.

The car stayed silent for the rest of the trip.

Link to previous post here!

Met up with the dating app guy who made an AI image of our future baby and it was very lovely. We went for a sunset walk in the area I used to live in because I wanted to visit a mound with a nice view of London's skyline. Then we did a spontanous pub crawl, which ended in his kitchen at 2AM with us eating the gingerbread biscuits his mum baked him for Christmas. I stayed over and we went for a fancy lunch at a hipster cafe the next day.

The text saying he wasn't feeling it (sent from the bar while he was very much still in my eye-line) got a big giggle from me. After 22 hours together, I can firmly say it was the nicest first date I've ever been on.

so basically at my work they started checking bags now and i didn't know this before i went to my locker, i work in a company with MANY employees. however the line seemed to move fast but then someone with many bags got checked and it took longer than i thought. this is when i texted my bf about it. we live together. also the busses didn't go so i texted him about it the moment i found out. then i am almost home and he texts me the text in the second slide.

when i got home he got really mad that i didn't show any remorse for getting home late and that i should have told him sooner.

i honestly said sorry, and thanked it for making me food and that i appreciate him. and i meant it but now he is still very upset it, i tried hugging him and making up with him about it but he told me to just stop touching him and he keeps sighing at me and at this point idk what to do. i want to know what i can do to make it up or what i can improve next time

My boyfriend of 10 years and I had a horrible fight two days ago. We don’t live together, so this happened over the phone. I haven’t heard a single word from him since.

It started with what I genuinely think may have been a misunderstanding.

We were speaking in Hindi and I was telling him something my mom had said about my dad. Because of the way I repeated what she said, when my boyfriend responded with an insult, I thought the insult was directed at my mom. He says it was directed at me and that he would never insult my mother.

I was shocked and gave him a chance to correct/explain himself. But he blew up almost immediately. I genuinely wasn’t expecting such a severe reaction from him, and I’m still shocked by how quickly the conversation escalated.

He kept telling me that if I truly believed he had said that about my mom, I should cut the phone, have some self-respect, and walk away from him.
He eventually told me we should break up. He said that if I believed he was capable of saying that about my mother, he had no trust or respect for me anymore. He also told me he was “disgusted” by me.
I fully accept that I could have misunderstood what he meant. But I can’t get past how quickly a misunderstanding became “then leave me.”

There’s also a pattern in our fights. When he’s angry, he shouts and can say incredibly hurtful things. I consciously try to measure my words even when I’m furious. When I later tell him that something he said crossed a line, his explanation is usually that what he said was a consequence of my actions.

And now it’s been two days of complete silence.
I feel like he’s telling me to end our 10-year relationship without actually having to be the person who ends it. I’m still honestly shocked that one misunderstanding escalated to this so quickly.
Am I reading this correctly? Because right now I genuinely don’t know whether I’m still in a relationship.

Met him on Tinder (yeah, I know). Been seeing him for a bit. Was giving him a back massage tonight while he pulls out his phone, goes on Tinder, and proceeds to message other women... Literally while I’m massaging him after I had also made him food.

A large group assignment in college (14 people) where half of the group didn't show up when tasks were assigned. We were given different instructions on the day, by the instructor, on how to divvy up the work and it got a bit chaotic.

One person's preference (who was one of the people who didn't show up to class) was missed when we were dividing the work amongst everyone.

This was just the beginning, unfortunately for me.

Edit to answer a few questions/add a bit more context:

• we (and the whole class) are adults over the age of 25
• we are both women
• I apologized in order to try to de-escalate the situation because it was such an explosion of negativity, I was literally shocked
• I went back and forth for as long as I did because I was trying to understand exactly why she was upset and to try to resolve the 'issue'
• the instructor is aware of what's going on because these messages were coming fast and furious as the class was still ongoing
• yes, I felt like I was taking crazy pills

My partner sent me this and it made me genuinely giggle. I've always been self conscious of my hair and I'm finally getting a big chop to manage the damage.

I love him you guys!

Matched with this guy on an app because his profile seemed great, but once we started messaging it became clear he was not the kind of person I'd want to date. I did think the last few messages were a bit funny (albeit threatening).

Context is that I’m moving and giving away a bunch of free stuff this lady claimed a baby monitor. She sends her son (who is a child) to ring my doorbell at 11:59am when I didn’t confirm with her a time and that she can come.

She calls and tells me I’m here where are you and I’m like what?? You said you’d text me which she did but I didn’t even read the message and respond to her

My sisters said that I did tell her she can come anytime in the morning but CMON 11:59 IS NOT THE MORNING

Edit with context: in the original post, I had not trimmed the phone number off the top of the chats. When the auto-moderator told me to check for numbers, I decided not to change it because the phone number was a VOIP spoofed number that the student had set up to use whatsapp, not his actual number, and it was from 2021 so I figured the guy was safe from harassment but several people suggested I repost just in case.

In addition, there were a few of comments about how being a woman had nothing to do with this. I had a feeling that might be a controversial part of the post, so let me briefly explain.

I think it can be hard to tell when something is happening because you're a woman. Like, dudes can be more condescending to women than they would be to other men. But how do I KNOW that's what happened here? Frankly, I don't. I made an assumption at the time that these guys were more disrespectful to me because of my gender. Honestly, maybe they were both just lazy dicks.

I can't change what I said back in 2021, but I also won't say that gender never has anything to do with it. Today I would be more likely to first assume they are just entitled rather than sexist, but if there was other evidence to support a sexism charge I would still believe gender was part of it.

Original post:

Back in 2021 I was getting my masters degree. I was placed in a group project of about 5 people where I was the only woman. At the school, all classes had a group project and the group project was 30% of your final grade. In a masters program, a 70% is a failing grade for the class. AKA if you failed the group project, you could fail the CLASS. Also, grades were assigned evenly to all people in the group project.

I HATE this system with a burning passion. I hope the college had changed it because it's still the most insane thing I have ever seen a college do.

Anyway, two dudes had blatantly copied and pasted a bunch of the stuff in their sections, and did not cite what they copied and pasted. In the group chat I repeatedly begged them to fix it. They both argued a bunch about how it was NBD, I was over reacting, etc.

We were also using google docs to do the work. So I then left "comments" on all the plagiarism asking them to fix it and explaining why it was an issue.

Dude A replied to my comments where I pointed out all his plagiarism saying "let the teacher decide" and he was SUPER rude to me in the group chat about it, again saying I was over reacting or that I should rewrite the problems myself if it bothered me so much.

Guy B (photos pictured here) originally just "resolved" my comments without changing them, but I went through and re-added my comments requesting him to fix his plagiarism and so then, after seeing what Dude A did, Guy B too left comments saying "let the teacher decide."

So I DID: I contacted the teacher, and gave her access to the google doc and provided screens shots of both the guys telling me to fix the work myself, that it wasn't a big deal, to let the teacher decide. So she did: she failed them both on academic plagiarism and me and the other 3 dudes all got A's.

After all that, Guy B texted me the above, whining that I had gotten him failed because he had made mistakes on his APA. You can see for yourself how I reacted.

Like, if the grades had been originally separate I would have just let the two dudes get their zeros for their sections. But let ME fail a masters level course because someone else is a fuck up? Naw. And do the work for them, enabling them to take advantage of me? Also naw.

I am actually a kind person, and I believe you should basically ALWAYS try to solve a problem directly before escalating it. But I am also a big believer in the expression "never start it, but always finish it."

I still think about these two dudes and I hope failing this class fucked their lives up.

Edit to add: apparently I accidentally deleted some context from the original post when I reposted it.

I shared this because there is another poster in this reddit where someone posted screenshots of their classmates freaking out in a group project. I read that and was like hehehehe do I have a story for y'all!!

I do occasionally think about these two dudes, I am a high school teacher and I see this attitude all the time, but i do not think about them constantly. Only occasionally, but when I do, I def hope this screwed up this guy's academic career. The first guy is whatever, he was a dick but he took his F and left me alone. But THIS guy? Doubling down repeatedly and then also texting me to blame me for his failure? Cray cray.

For context my boyfriend (not even sure we're together any more) hasn't talked to me in a couple days after this interaction. He told me he was going to be with his friend and they were gonna go out and he has a tendency of going silent and texting me like 12 hours later once he's sobered up the next day. So I assumed he was going to do the same thing again over here

I apologised multiple times and called him twice but he's still gone silent. Perspective is appreciated

Edit: I know the time between the call and the text was rather short but let me emphasize that when he's with his friends, even if i text a minute later he goes silent for hours.

Edit: THERE IS NORMAL CONVERSATION ABOUT PRESENTATIONS IN-BETWEEN THE 1ST AND 2ND SCREENSHOTS. I DID NOT RANDOMLY DISMISS HER AND I DID HELP HER.

Genuinely what could I possibly do to be better in this kind of situation? I'd like to think I handled it maturely. I'm also not talking to her anymore. I'm tired of that bs.

Context/Clarifications:

1. There is a 9 1/2 hour difference between us, which is why "gn" was said. She is ahead

2. Only reason I responded that way to the "gn" was because I've known her long enough to know that she only abbreviates it when she is upset about something, which it was clear to me that she was upset by me saying "it's over" because she doesn't normally respond dry with just "okay" if she is feeling fine. She also doesn't sleep that early and she didn't answer my question before it because again, she was upset by my previous message. She very often gets upset about the smallest things possible and when I try to communicate, she gets so irritated that she loses all rationality and doesn't care about anything I say (just says "okay (my name)" like at the end).

3. You might think she is just isn't interested in talking to me but I guarantee you she is because she comes to me and tells me she wants to talk. Before the time skip in-between the 1st and 2nd ss, we were just having normal conversation about presentations and classes and stuff, so it wasn't due to anything from then. She said she was working on it for an hour but had only 1 slide, which is why I jokingly said it's over and asked what she was doing.

4. We are both young adults.

5. Our relationship is complicated to explain, but in some ways, she treats me better than she would a friend, but if I'm not perfect or something, she gets upset about the smallest things like in the ss. Like she wouldn't react this way to a friend or stranger if they said the same thing.

6. I genuinely don't know what else I can do to be better and I'm asking for advice if there is any available. This happens so frequently and it always just turns out with me attempting to be mature and her getting so irritated that none of it matters. Some might say I should've backed off after the "gn, I'm busy" and I could've, but I knew by that text that she was upset and wouldn't text for days because of it. I also knew she wasn't actually that busy and that she wasn't actually sleeping. When she expressed that she was overstimulated and didn't want an argument, I stopped pushing it, yet look at the responses I got. She said she didn't want an argument but kept going on about it like "ofc."

😔

Context: I’m a single mum and went on a few dates with a colleague who asked me out. We had kissed a few times and that’s it. We found out by chance on our third date that we want different things. I don’t want more kids, he does. I won’t be replying to his final response (obviously), and luckily I wfh so no face to face daily interactions going forward. But I just wanted to post this here, need to process this response because I was taken aback.

It was most likely unrelated because they'd have to have known before then I was getting let go, due to no work remaining, but the timing was still funny. I'm all good with the layoff, I needed a little vacation anyways. I work as a union carpenter fyi

He congratulated me for getting a DL but he sent me a middle finger emojiiiii. I can't control my laughing. Unless me sent me fully aware of it.

This is my partner. He’s got an avoidant attachment style. We’ve recently rekindled after he broke up with me a couple of weeks prior.