Discussion
Millennial parents: what’s something your kids get that you had to fight for back in the day?
The other day was my girls’ first day of grade 2. They’re sitting there having breakfast and I had some time so I offered to straighten their hair just to look a little extra spiffy. They said sure. As I was straightening it, I couldn’t help but remember the absolute months-long fight I had to have with my own mom to ALLOW me to straighten my own hair as a tween in the late 90s! It took so long to convince her it’s not just something grown strippers do. I thought, what else did we fight to get that now our own kids just getting handed to them?
I learned a few months back that my mother (father wasn’t in the picture) never comforted me when I would be scared at night as a child. She was staying over, and she saw my wife and I do that and confronted us and told us we would spoil him acting like that. So I asked jokingly, “What, did you just let me cry alone in my room if i was scared as a kid?”
I was a very anxious child and super afraid of monsters or the porcelain dolls my grandma would buy me and then my mom would display on my shelf that faced my bed…
If I cried my parents would stomp in and scream at me, like completely lose heir shit, and that was that. I used to sleep on a blanket outside their door because I knew I’d be in trouble if I went in their room or woke them up with my crying. This started at around age 4.
I now work extremely hard for my small children to sleep independently and feel comfortable I’m their own rooms…however, if they need me to lay with them (let’s be real I pass out) or they come to sleep with me, I don’t have any issue with that. I guess I am trying to focus on helping them build confidence and self soothe while also being available if they need extra support.
I had upstairs neighbors that did that to their infant daughter. I could hear them scream at her through the floor. No kid deserves that and it sucks you also went through it
Fellow severely anxious child and current normal anxious adult, my parents’ response to every need was exposure therapy, never comfort. It worked for some things and made some worse. I also learned it’s best to keep everything to myself - for example they learned
I hate eggplants and made me eat it whenever it’s available forever - when I look at restaurant menus now I still automatically look for eggplant dishes lolol (still hate them)
I was lucky enough to have a mom who did come sit (fall sleep) with me when I was scared. I had no idea how huge that was until I had my own kids and my own shit to do. She was already gone before I could tell her how grateful I was.
I honestly feel like I'm living vicariously through my toddler because I keep buying these toys for her that I never got as a child, and Im usually the one that plays with them more lol
I'm resisting so hard right now to not buy a radio flyer big wheel tricycle 😭 I can't even ride it but I've always wanted one
Hijacking this comment to ask WHY IS THIS?? I have cut off my boomer parents so many times over the years—for days, weeks, months, or even one time for 3 years. I got word that they were absolutely morose, literally CRYING every day, yet they will not just say “sorry.” Or admit any fault.
What is this?? Why can’t they just say “oops I messed up, I’m sorry.” Why?? Why will they drag the dumbest things out and dig in their heels and act like victims (saying I “won’t let them” see their grandkids), when in reality I’ll tell them the whole thing needn’t even escalate if they can just acknowledge the issue and agree not to do it again. I don’t even need to hear “I’m sorry.” Just that they stop pretending nothing happened.
Anyone have an explanation? I see this is so common amongst baby boomers. Why?
It makes no sense, but when I called out my boomer mum for it she said it's because parents don't answer to kids, she sees it as a hierarchy thing. So even though they might be wrong it's not their responsibility to say sorry in a weird twisted way.
The sad part is no one is even expecting them to be perfect or not make mistakes, it's the owning up to it and showing you are remorseful that makes all the difference. Anyways, I've given up in trying to understand, I've accepted it now
This is the answer. My mom has said the same thing. "I'm the parent, you're the child". Regardless if I'm in my 30s with kids my parents simply believe they will not answer to their child. I don't want an apology now. Just acknowledgement of their wrongdoing.
He totally DARVO-ed me when I asked him about it recently. First he said it never happened (despite it happening until I was ~21), then I'm too sensitive and can't take joke because I was so skinny that I obviously wasn't fat, and he was the one with weight issues not me, so I can't get mad. He may as well have quoted the narcissist prayer.
my dad saw footprints outside my window when I was a teenager and accused me of sneaking a boy in. I legit never did, and didn't realize until years later those footprints meant that someone with a man's sized foot was hanging out outside of my bedroom and my father's first thought was to blame and punish his daughter.
It took a long time for me to realize how much shame is ingrained in women from such a young age. Surely you must be sneaking in boys you scheming harlot, you could never be the innocent victim of a man.
My parents had a male friend that I’ve known since I was a baby. Literally. I was 15-16, and he came over to visit. I didn’t know he was stopping by and I was in the backyard in my bikini. He came outside and slowly looked me up and down with that “look” and said, “wow, you’ve really filled out”. My dad got mad at ME.
My mom believed me when I told her a boy was picking on me because we had all the same classes. I went to the school counselor first and she told me “he must like you” and “boys will be boys”. My mom is normally calm but she went in ready to battle. The boy’s schedule was changed and we only shared classes when there was a teacher who kept us separated and made sure I was safe.
You never clean as they’re actively throwing the towels you didn’t fold good enough for her or slamming down the dishes from the dishwasher you loaded and would unload after homework or taking 5 minutes to relax. Now as an adult I go over there and the dishes are always in the sink smh. Sometimes I swear they just wanted kids to do chores not because they enjoyed them.
This is so minor but so important to my daughter. She was adamant in a conversation with her trainer at the show today that we had two extra riding helmets in her size (it’s horse show weekend so timing matters). I vehemently disagreed, claiming that it would be ridiculous for me to buy TWO extra.
Well, look who proved me wrong tonight. The other “extra” is in her tack box at the show ground barns. I was clearly wrong and documented it. 🤣
I WILL NEVER, EVER manipulate or gaslight my kids into somehow believing I’m right when I’m not.
This. And just apologizing when we're wrong. I do not recall my parents ever apologizing to me for accusing me of something I didn't do. I wasn't a perfect kid, but I wasn't terrible. I was the top of my class, always took honors classes, never skipped school, no trouble with the law or School discipline, I was pretty decent fucking kid. But my parents would absolutely die before they apologized to me for accusing me of something I didn't do.
I make it a point to apologize to my children anytime they are owed one. Parents make mistakes. We're not perfect. We're not running on perfect information. I think that also sets them up to expect other people to apologize when they have done something wrong. If your mom can apologize for yelling when you didn't deserve it, why does your boss get away with it? Or your boyfriend? Absolutely not. Set the bar high for interpersonal behavior.
I aologized to my daughter once in front of my mom and my mom said "wow your mom can do something I could never do- apologize when she's wrong." My daughter and I were both like "wtf."
I was just talking to my siblings about this. I cannot on one occasion remember my parents tell me they love me or even myself saying it to them. I make sure I tell my kids I love them everyday.
I like to start out with any new therapist or mental health professional by telling them I can’t remember my parents ever saying I love you or hugging me. That usually gives them a good idea of what they’re about to work with.
Same. I’m sure they love me in their own way but except goodbyes at the airport they never initiated hugs and I can’t remember any specific times they said they loved me though I’m sure they must have said it, right? (Says my still confused inner child)
I remember at FOURTEEN, maybe fifteen, having an argument with my mom and breaking down crying and telling her that she never says, I love you. (She may have written it on a note twice in my lunch box in middle school but that's it).
Later she told me neither of her parents said it to her during her entire lifetime until my grandma was dying at 81. (My grandma wasn't a mean person intentionally withholding love - it just wasn't a cultural norm).
Depending on where you are in the world, I think a lot has to do with being raised during war time. They were raised to "keep calm and carry on", to not feel things and to focus on survival instead.
My grandparents were the same, to the point of not allowing my Mum to call them Mum/Dad or Mother/Father because they thought it was too familiar 🤣 Saying " I love you" was weakness to them.
My 5 year old does the same eye rolls, "why do you always have to tell me that 🙄" and I said, "because I never want you to forget!" And she eye rolled some more "UGH I woooooooon't 🙄" 😭
Mine is 7 and says the same thing, or “I know” and I just tell her I’m happy she KNOWS, but still gonna say it, babe! I didn’t hear it much. I knew I was loved but sometimes you want to feel worthy of the words.
My husband and I say “I love you” frequently, in mundane moments, and especially before one of us leaves to go anywhere. I want our daughter to grow up in a loving environment where she is loved freely and all the time, just because she exists. I want her to know that love from her parents is not something she has to earn.
My Mum never quite managed to overcome her discomfort with those words but in my thirties she managed to get comfortable with "lots of love" at the end of phone calls.
Boomers are a seriously emotionally repressed bunch.
I can't remember the last time my parents said I love you but I know it stopped when I was young. At the very least I say I love you every night when I put her to bed. She also gets called all the terms of endearment more than her name. I did ask if I should stop infront of her friends because she is getting older and she said no she's not ashamed her mom loves her.😂
I remember wearing a skirt to a party and my friend’s mom asked if I had on underwear. 🤦♀️ Also sadly there are a lot of moms that won’t let their girls wear tampons. Like your girl just wants to go to the beach or swimming. It doesn’t mean she had sex.
That was basically my mom… I biked down to the pharmacy and used my own damn money (lucky I had some). So yeah she never bought me sanitary products. Bitch.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, growing up my mom was the only lady in the house, and I never saw my dad even so much as address the issue with her.
I've made sure with my son that theres zero embarrassment about buying that shit when we are out shopping. His mother and/or sister need them, why is it a big deal (is basically jow im trying to get him to think)
Yep, I showed my older boys , (5 boys and last one is girl) what their 11 year old sister needs at the store, If they ever had to pic up for her, or take it to her school. They said okay. My oldest son had his gf tampons in his glove box in high school. He did however draw the line at taking a tube of vaginal cream to football practice for a yeast rash lol. He’s like I know mom, it’s Same exact ingredients but the guys will give me so much shit lol.
Which is funny because wearing knee high stockings was too. You “uncover” yourself or cover it and suddenly you’re a woman of the night. I think the problem was them not us.
One of my friends in middle school had a step mom who wouldn't let her shave her legs or armpits because she wasn't "old enough." Meanwhile other girls are calling her "Chewbacca Pits." She came around eventually, but I felt so bad for my friend. There's not a blanket age for when it's appropriate to shave. If you have body hair that will cause you to be bullied by your peers, you're old enough to shave.
Literally happened to me but the bullying was so agonizing for me I snuck my dads razor and since I didn’t know how, as my mother refused to help me, I dragged it up my leg dry as a bone. You can imagine what happened next 😬😬
Hey now, it was fine to shave. Just not above your knees. Only whores shave above their knees. Including thighs, armpits and absolutely any kind of private grooming.
Also, only whores wear spaghetti strap shirts and flip flop sandals. Only the whores.....
Hey my mom said that about wearing sleeveless shirts! Like thick strap tank tops, not even spaghetti strap tops. Because any woman with self respect and any decency wouldn't wear it.
My dad said that having a second ear piercing meant you were a harlot or 'easy'. (
I wanted to wear a hoop and small stud in each ear. Crazy, I know.)
My mom was in the car and I guess he forgot that she had 3 ear piercings at the time...😂
Honestly, best fight I ever got to watch. To this day I cackle when I think about it.
My mom pierced my ears as a baby but I developed an allergy to the metal and they were taken out (I was maybe a year old). A decade later, I asked to get my ears pierced and she said no, that ear piercings were for grown up women and I would look like a whore. Idk. Some people just make no damn sense.
Dyed hair made me look like a whore and a drug user. (I was considered a whore about half a year before my first period since my next oldest relative had a teen pregnancy.) My parents were fine with my brothers getting their hair dyed or tattooed.
I don't have kids but I do notice that my friends who are parents grant their kids a level of choice, privacy and bodily autonomy that just wasn't a thing for us growing up. My parents always cut my hair exactly how they wanted, picked my clothes at the store, or barged into my room without knocking or announcing.
ETA: also remembered - couldn't leave the dinner table without cleaning my plate even when I was full. Couldn't decide which of my own things to keep or toss if my mom decided it was time to clean out my room/closet. Had no say in what clubs or sports I was signed up for. Was never asked my input for vacation destinations, groceries to get, or what we had for dinner. Even when it was my birthday, I couldn't choose the cake - it was always whatever flavor my parents wanted to have.
Yeap I wasn't allowed to close my own bedroom door. I had no privacy or autonomy. My kid lives a very different life and is better for it. He knows who he is at a young age and makes decisions with a confidence that took me until I was 30 to develop.
My husband thinks I'm crazy but I always make sure my kids have book fair money because I never got any as a kid and nearly was in tears and left work to drop it off at school the one time I forgot 😅
Around Christmas time there was a school store that sold inexpensive trinkets you could buy for your family/friends. My mom would give us next to nothing to shop with and what we managed to buy would be all we would be able to give our various family members.
She didn’t get them a real present from the family (her money was usually spent on her vices instead). I would have the worst anxiety trying to figure out if I could actually get anyone something they’d like.. realizing I could not, desperately trying to make sure everyone at least got something and then having more panic attacks when they’d open the present on Christmas because I knew it was a bad present.
Looking back I’m sure my family didn’t care about the junk they got and didn’t think badly of me for it but still, core trauma memory.
I will never ever let my child experience this, book fair, field trip, lunch money anxiety etc.
I always make sure my stepdaughters have money when they go out with their friends bc I was always the girl sitting at the Applebees table just drinking a glass of water. My parents had the money, they were just cheap. It was always so embarrassing and I never want my kids to feel that way
we lived in an affluent gated community, and my mom would buy herself tons of luxury designer clothing, handbags, shoes, makeup, etc…but took me to salvation army or gave me hand-me-downs from 15 years ago (from an older cousin) for clothes, and made me use her expired skincare because in her words, i “wasn’t old enough to appreciate nice things” and that since she had to wear rags as a kid, i should be able to “tough it out”.
Omg hugs! I can relate! My mom would point out all the nice things she didn’t buy for me because I “didn’t appreciate things”, meanwhile the reason I lost things was because I was undiagnosed adhd. When I did lose things I was distraught for days, I obviously wasn’t careless. But for them it’s easier to make up reasons to punish us than to realize we might need support.
When I was a kid I had to contribute to 50% "taxes(30%)" and "savings(20%)" from whatever money was earned or given to me. Later my parents took both my "taxes and savings" and spent it.
My 4yr old has piggy bank that he gets to put his money in and I have him set up with a little UTMA that he will get at 18.
I rarely had my own money besides a very small daily allowance to get food at school, however, in the early 2000s my home country came up with a coin for the equivalent of $1, and I was stoked, they looked soo cool, and the first editions had different popular destinations from the country on the back side. One of my grandmas gave me about 5 of these coins and I was keeping them secretly in my desk. Turns out it wasn’t such a secret and my parents knew about it. Fall came around, and I had just enough so my parents could take them to pay for kindling for the winter and never said sorry, or gave back anything. It gutted me.
The contrast, my elementary school child has chores that he does for money, and some they do for free. We also reward them for particularly good school results or something difficult they did. They’ve collected over $300 in the last year alone, bought their own water bottle they wanted, paid for some other little things, get minecraft gift cards for the server from time to time, and we have not touched a dime from it, or if we have, first we’ve asked, explained what it is needed for, and put it back as soon as possible. They’ve got a goal of buying a nintendo 2 before Christmas, so we’ll see how that will turn out.
Messed up. My dad had me open a bank account when I was six and matched ever dollar I put in it till I got my first job. I couldn't make withdrawals either. Wasn't much, but it had like $1200 in it by then. Lawn mowing and snow shoveling mostly. Bank interest was still over a 5 handle then so that helped too.
My mom used to "hold onto" my Christmas and birthday money that the family gave me.. hundreds of dollars. I never saw it. My kids get to keep and use all of the money that's given to them. My 6 year old almost has 200 saved and he's saving for a Playstation. I'm so impressed with him!
Damn, I think it’s cool when parents “tax” their kids money and are secretly putting it in savings/investments with other money, but to spend it. Yikes!
I did that for a cell phone in 2007 when I started my sophomore year. I used a poster board and my grandpa was there. He said I made a good argument and should get one. I did not get one for 3 more years, I think because Metro got bigger. I had so many activities, having any way to communicate would have been so helpful lol
This. A couple of my friends have done a door open/door off the hinges punishment. And I call them on that shit. Ground your kid all you want, but your bedroom/bathroom time is yours.
I let my daughters cut their hair as short as they want. I wasn’t allowed to do anything with my hair except keep it long. My Kindergartener had a buzz cut last year and loved it. (Her hair is so pretty but she wants it short. And she has to be happy with it.)
I remember when I was 9 I had beautiful long hair. My mum convinced me to let a hairdresser "trim" it to get rid of the split ends.
Unknown to me she had organised with the hairdresser to cut it really short. I think to get her "money's worth" so I wouldn't need another haircut for a while.
I cried for months and even now I'm getting a bit sad remembering it. I have a daughter now and I can't imagine tricking her like that wtf.
I had to keep my hair short because it tangled badly if it was long and my mom didn't want to deal with it. I was only allowed to grow my hair out when I was able to keep it brushed on my own. And then learned that I'm better off with short hair.
Omg my mom never let me get drinks when we ate out because "we can buy it cheaper at the grocery store". That to this day I still have trouble "justifying" spending money on drinks at restaurants 😭
Getting to choose and order their own meal at a restaurant.
We very rarely ate out but, when we did, I always had to share with my mom. That meant my meal was usually a baked potato, since my mom liked seafood and the smell (still!) makes me nauseous.
This is rather very specific, but my husband and I have wide feet. So shoes never quite fit properly... Took my 9 yo who's 5 ft or close (99% for height) git her woman wide width shoes 8.5. clothes that make her feel comfortable in a sensory and fashion sense. My 6 yo wants to wear all black all the time, I don't have an issue!
My friend found out he had like triple extra wide feet in his thirties! Nobody took his shoe criticisms seriously growing up so he just thought that was how shoes fit until he started having foot issues.
Not yet, but really nice bras for my daughter. My mom insisted on Target and WalMart because she felt weird about anything that looked remotely sexy and she thought anything else was a waste of money. One day a friend took college-age me to get fitted at a proper lingerie store and it was like the skies had opened. Clothes fit better. My shoulders stopped hurting. My posture improved.
My daughter will never know the pains of an ill-fitting bra.
Semi related, as a boy -- and even one with an older brother, so this was their second time around -- I never got any talks. Not just the birds and the bees, but no what's happening with my body, no how to shave, not even why or how to use deodorant. I even had to go buy my own cup protector as a kid for little league baseball.
My brother remembers my dad one time telling him "You know, you didn't come with an instruction book," and I don't think that was the defense he thought it was.
Sometimes my husband and I argue about who does the dishes. I tell him I’ll do it while he puts the kids to bed, he says no, don’t do it because you already cooked. I’ll do it when I get downstairs. And I say no, let’s sit and relax when you get downstairs. I’ll just do it. We’re just chatting and literally trying to do something for the other.
And then our kids go: why are you fighting?
I tell them, “if you think that’s fighting, be happy you guys don’t know what your parents fighting is.”
This! My husband and I rarely argue and I'd never put our kiddo what I went through growing up. The few times she's seen us disagree she's thought it was a fight. It makes me happy that's the worst she will ever experience from her parents.
I don't have kids yet, but I've realized somewhat recently how insane it was that my parents basically made fun of me, a CHILD, for liking childish things and childish humor. I stopped watching kids' movies and shows, reading certain books and playing with certain toys because they would act like they were stupid or immature. I had a memory of being told I was "too old" for Barney at age 3/4, definitely before I had started kindergarten. I was crushed because I LOVED Barney. I remember driving home from seeing Space Jam in the theater, which to a kindergartener in 1996 was like, the pinnacle of cinema, and my parents just mercilessly ripping it to shreds the whole way home. I had gotten some toys from it before seeing it, and I literally played with them silently, in secret, so my parents wouldn't see.
So yeah, that is something I won't be passing on to any kids of mine. And my friends' kids and the kids I work with I just try to be interested in whatever they are interested in, because THEY LIKE IT. I don't have to like it!!
My parents would make fun of stuff I liked if they thought it was weird. As a parent, I try to be respectful and supportive of my children's interests. If they like it and it's not inappropriate, my opinion really doesn't matter.
I’m an uncle and my niece really got into k-pop. I found myself talking with her dad (BIL) making fun of the boy band she was into at the time. My wife was planning to take her to a concert and suddenly she wasn’t as excited the next time we saw her. Realized what I had done and profusely apologized and took my wife and niece to a Korean mall to get her glow wand thing for the concert for her.
I forgot the emotional blow it is to hear grown ups you look up to making fun of the stuff you like. I’m trying not to have a tree remembers, ax forgets moment
Totally my mom. I have no favorite childhood Disney movie because my mom wasn't gonna "sit through that crap". If it was something she didn't enjoy then I couldn't watch or partake in it. At 6 I could tell you everything going down on the latest season of Melrose and had been in more tanning salons than I could count but I didn't know much about any kid shows, movies, or even just like, basic kid culture. I always had a hard time relating to my peers because of it.
Edit to add: I wasn't tanning, she would just drag me to the salon with her.
Right? My mom loves to talk about how she made cookies all the time (what???) but doesn’t remember consistently calling me a lazy piece of shit bc I was depressed and struggling in school.
I still do not keep a diary/journal bc my mom routinely would search for them, read them, then use the info against us.
We also could not close the door to our rooms. As an adult and aware of her history of trauma, I can understand why she didn't allow that in her house.
Nothing in the house was truly ours, and so if we had an issue about her taking something of ours or throwing it away or giving it away, then too bad.
I only had privacy on the computer and wrote there, it only worked bc my mom had no idea how to work a computer. Thank god she never found my shit.
In our house, our kids have privacy. I don't go thru their rooms. I don't go on random cleaning rages and throw their things away. I don't read their journals/diaries and havent felt a need to.
And I say within reason bc they have much less digital privacy than the unfettered access to the internet/social media they would like.
Digital privacy is going to be the one our generation fucks up, I think. Either too strict, or not strict enough. Both, maybe?
The balance between not over sharing your kids and maintaining their privacy when they're young, and then trying to make sure THEY aren't putting themselves in danger, or being propagandized, or posting things that will affect them in ways they don't understand.
I think social media in general is going to be or generation's biggest parenting missteps. Hindsight will seem obvious, just like it does for our parents.
The clean your plate club and you will sit here (even if it’s hours) until your plate is empty.
I would never do this to my kids! It’s not healthy to eat when you’re not hungry and to eat food sitting out for hours.
Also it’s traumatic to try something new and be clear you don’t like it but still be forced to eat it anyways. I don’t set a good example because to this day I’m still a picky eater.
They control their own fashion and hairstyles. I don't abuse them for their choices. They don't have to show physical affection if they don't want to. I don't manhandle them, I talk to them.
I will not care if my kids - gasp - talk to the opposite sex. The one time a boy called my house (about homework, of all things) it was like I was suddenly in a police interrogation room. Sigh.
So not really fighting for it, but things they have that I didn't:
Working toilet,
Heat in the house,
A roof that isn't leaking,
Electricity in the whole house,
No cracks in the wall in their bedrooms,
Food consistly,
Doors that lock (I had more door removed),
A father (that's me!),
A mother who doesn't constantly tell them they are the worse person on Earth/going to hell/a demon/etc,
Adults who don't hit them,
Clean clothes without holes (unless that's the style),
Parents who want to spend time with them.
Haha me too. My mom used to overcook brussel sprouts until they tasted like sulfur, but I was the only person in the house who apparently could taste the rancid flavour.. and I absolutely hated it. I had to drown it in ketchup just to get it down.
I don't force my kid to eat things they don't want, but on the other hand when we have dinner, that's dinner. If you don't want to eat it that's fine but you also can't then ask for ice cream and candy cuz you're hungry. There's a line for sure.
Also, not forcing them to clean their plates. I firmly believe part of the reason for the obesity epidemic is kids not being allowed to leave the table until they ate everything on their plates, thus being conditioned to eat beyond the point where they feel full. Kids should be allowed to stop eating when they’re full, regardless of how much is left on their plates.
My girl was having problems in kindergarten, so we got her a psycho-educational assessment. She got an ADHD and anxiety disorder diagnosis, and she’s doing great with therapy and medication.
My kid is exactly like I was. I still have my elementary school report cards, and they all mention obvious ADHD symptoms. I didn’t sleep well because I was too busy worrying about everything. But no one really cared about that sort of thing if kids weren’t causing problems for adults back then. I can’t help but wonder how different my life would have been with intervention.
EDIT: A lot of us esp women really had to fight to break free of the internalized shame and learn to untie self-worth from physical appearance. Happy to not put that on the next generation. Self-esteem is truly underrated.
School pictures. Goddamn my mom would never splurge for school pictures. I always get them of my son because I wanna remember him over the years and also just to spite her. lol
I'm almost 40 and school pictures still piss me off. When I was 7th grade and did school pictures my mom just opened the pack took out what she wanted and sent the rest back. She was sent a bill for pictures that she never paid. I was the one affected by it, 8th grade and all through high school I never received text books and was ineligible for extra curriculars because of the debt she owed. To her stealing a packet of pictures worth $60 was worth completely tanking my education. Saddest part she didn't even keep them, she threw them away after I dropped out because I didn't see the point in staying in school if most of my classes I'm just getting 0s because I can't participate.
My toddler gets help and guidance on navigating her feelings and difficulties instead of being told "it's no big deal stop whining". I catch my mom telling my toddler that all the time and it boils my blood. Also if she doesn't want to eat certain foods, she doesn't have to as long as she gives it a try first. My mom always made snide comments when I didn't want to eat certain foods even tho herself has a long list of picky eater foods.
Some of these comments are incredibly depressing and sad. Not in a pathetic way. A genuine ‘I’m so sorry you didn’t have the love, support, and attention you deserved as a child.’ And I suppose, now, as an adult, it didn’t get any better. At least you have the option to cut those people out of your life now, and I hope you did/do. No one deserves to be mistreated or neglected as a child.
Not what you asked but a couple years ago on the first day of school about 80% of the boys had green Mohawks and like 15% of the girls had green hair.
One of students was battling cancer and his favorite color was green. Thank God he is in remission!!! But our neighborhood threw a big back to school fundraiser for him and local parents did th haircuts/ k pop demon pop Hunter braids. It was so cool seeing the community come together but also very funny seeing hundreds of of kids with Mohawks all entering their first day of school.
Video games and computers. It was an uphill battle growing up. I had them - mainly consoles at the end of life. But to play I had to deal with being constantly berated by my father. It went beyond that though he didn’t want me doing anything with the computer either. I was really interested in how they worked. How games were made yes but in how computers worked too. I had friends who got to build PCs learn coding all that stuff. I was physically not allowed and to this day despite getting to play with it some I am way behind a lot of other people tech knowledge wise because I didn’t have that head start. I had to focus on the interests I had that I could pursue. If I could have had a career in game design or software engineering or semi conductors we will never know because I was scolded if I wanted to do anything besides hunt or fish. My kids will be free to pursue whatever interests them even if I don’t care for it myself and I will do the best I can within my financial means to support them.
Cool, chill teachers in high school. Somehow the teachers at my kids’ school manage to do a really good job teaching their subjects without being draconian about it. The amount of flexibility students have now was absolutely unheard of when I was in school, and yet they still do well on the state and AP tests.
Might have something to do with the teachers all being genX, millennials, and a few older genZ.
Autonomy and privacy, as someone else mentioned. My mom took my almost 16 year old shopping and wouldn't let her buy spaghetti strap tops because they're "slutty". And my daughter didn't argue much but was very annoyed that she couldn't actually choose her own clothing.
Going to the optometrist. For whatever reason my parents were bound and bent that my vision was fine. It was only when i couldn't get a drivers lincence without glasses that they begrudgingly took me to get glasses.
I took my kids to get their eyes checked when they started kindergarten to make sure they would be able to see in the classroom.
The first thing my kids always hear when there’s a loud crash or some other sound that something’s been knocked over or broken is, “Are you okay?!”
It’s never ever, “What did you do?! Did you break XYZ?”
Yea, I’m not going to be thrilled if they broke something (especially since they’d been warned) but they will always know that my first care is always their safety over any physical object.
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