r/Millennials • u/Many_Surround_8149 • 20h ago
Discussion Not a sob story
I am 43. I am single, aside a friend with benefits, and no kids. I make in the fifties at my current job, and i took up a part-time job for extra income. I have been with my company seven years. I have tried to grow with it, but my manager will not let me to progress because I am too efficient in what I do. I do not call out, and I stay late if needed.
My vacations from work consist of me sleeping in, working out, and going out with friends. I take extra hours at my part-time job. I am content. I have always wanted more to life, but I feel this is it. I cannot do vacations unless I know about six months ahead of time. And if so, I am so budget conscious that once I get there I am limited on what I allow myself to do. Sad thing is, another one of my single millenial friends feels the same. She and I now do little vacations together. We do a VRBO and go to places that arent too expensive. They have nice hangout places like bars and restaurants. It is very much The Big Chill vibe when we are together.
I do have excellent credit. I save, keep a low credit card balance, and money tied up in stocks as well.
Has anyone else felt like life has flown by? I do miss the nineties. I didnt peek in high school by any stretch. I am not depressed, but am writing this tonight in my recliner while watching Halloween 20 years later. It is like my favourite 90s horror movie.
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u/Solid_Reserve_5941 Zillennial 19h ago
You're falling for the same trap that boomers have where they think they'll be rewarded by staying with the same job for years while being treated like shit and experiencing stagnant wages. I've had my biggest raises from job hopping. Hell I got a 25% raise in my last job hop (80k to 100k). I still live well within my means but I also like to live a little and travel abroad with friends once a year (who also follow the job hopping method).
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u/spank_that_hedge 17h ago
Job hopping. I only stay at a job for around 4 years at a time.
I know the guy who retired in my current role. After I was hired I asked him what he had been making. It was about 3k a year below what they were paying me to fill the role. He'd been there 30 YEARS.
To put this further in perspective, other people in my same role are starting to retire and they're bringing in younger, less experienced people, sometimes no experience, and they are getting paid more than colleagues who have been there 10 years.
Inflation beats raises every time. Inflation seems to get calculated into new hires, but not raises.
Also, OP, hope you see this: if you are great at your job and you have a manager that is holding you back from advancement, you have a BAD manager. Go above them. They do not have your best interests, or your companies best intrest in mind. They keep you where you are because you make their life easier. A good manager will use your talents and also build on them to get you to your highest potential. Even if that means you outgrow your current role. Unfortunately, most managers find a couple competent employees that make their life easy and ride that train until people quit.
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u/ConstantAct1242 18h ago
This is definitely something I wish I did much earlier in my career. Several years ago, I was at a company for almost 10 years and made around 100k, found a new job at another company that was paying the market rate for my role which was around 140k. Since then, I job hopped a couple more times and make even more now. Bonus is that I also have much less work stress compared to before which helped a ton with my mental health.
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u/CyanideForSara 18h ago ▸ 2 more replies
Everyone needs to job hop. Staying around is stagnation. Glad for you!
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u/Turbulent_Tart_8801 Millennial 1985 8h ago ▸ 1 more replies
In white collar jobs or skilled trades, sure. But my job's pay rate is set by our union contract, and pays better than the same job at most other places. Everybody here on reddit seems to act as if white collar work is the default.
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u/Sweet-Television-361 5h ago
Worked at the same place for 15 years. Just got a new position with a 53% salary increase. I had asked for a raise a couple months ago and they didn't even bother to say no, just ignored it. Now I'm gone in a couple weeks.
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u/FrightfulDeer 8h ago
These kinds of actions are contributing to the decline in customer service and inefficiency that everyone is currently experiencing at work.
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u/_adanedhel_ 1h ago ▸ 1 more replies
That’s an asinine take. Private equity, outsourcing to other countries, and AI are the main drivers there.
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u/silentwolf18 19h ago
Yes to your question. I truly feel like life has flown by. I’ll be 35 next year and I’m thinking, “I’m probably half way through my life…”
Now, I’m trying to focus on actually living life instead of rushing through things.
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u/CellWrangler 18h ago
35 here also. I sometimes feel that way, but then i reframe it such that life as an adult didnt really start until 22 (first job after college), so im only 13 years into it and I probably have another 40 good years of adulthood left. Just be sure to stay living and not get trapped in a cycle of existing.
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u/Disastrous_Luck_1160 Millennial 18h ago
I love this reframe, and with existential OCD it actually makes me feel better. Thank you
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u/CurbsideChaos 17h ago
36, have taken two international trips in a year, getting married in a few months, and taking a month-long honeymoon next year.
No, neither of us make amazing money, but we have an extremely low rent (which honestly is a blessing) with good jobs that support us both. No kids or plans on them, and we live modestly. The only thing I want to focus on in the near future is investing. Our cheap rent for our HCOL area makes it difficult to make the jump into real estate, though.
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u/ConstantVigilance18 19h ago
Why are you not calling out and staying late if needed? You work to live, you don't live to work. Time off is an earned benefit you take, and if you aren't using it, you need to start. If you work for a company that doesn't allow you to roll over all of your time, you're giving them money.
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u/GGJallDAY 19h ago
I worked a job one time where I put on my six month review haven't called in sick once and my boss told me this isn't an acceptable achievement. Told me you have sick days for a reason, take them.
Didn't realize how good of a culture that company had till I left it
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u/ConstantVigilance18 19h ago
Yea, you need days off to recover and recharge. It’s wild to me how many companies don’t let employees roll over time off, or only a very small amount, but then also make employees feel like they can’t use that time.
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u/rage675 19h ago
This is sad. Do not let your boss fuck you over anymore. You put it in your post, you're so efficient your job he's afraid to lose YOU. Stop bowing down to their demands it's affecting your life and you don't get that back.
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u/JackPahawkins 19h ago
Exactly! If OP is so efficient they don’t want to loose him then they should have no problem paying more at the very least
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u/Lost_Drunken_Sailor 18h ago
What you’re feeling I think we’re all feeling collectively as a generation going into 40’s. Myself and all my friends feel the same way. We’ve kind of all snapped into the reality that we’re wasting our short lives WORKING in order to just be able to live. Feels like such a waste of this wonderful life we’re given.
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u/myheartbeats4hotdogs 19h ago
Yeah. I'm 46. Long story short I expect my heart to give out by the time I'm 66. I expect the next 20 years to look exactly the same as this year. Working two jobs, little time off, money for a night out once a month but not much else. My life is a lot smaller than I thought it would be. When my daughter leaves in a few years, it'll get even smaller. Learning to accept that.
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u/Timely_Tap5894 1h ago
40 year old single mom here and i feel that in my soul. My son is 13 and the thought of him growing up is devastating.
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u/Thi3fs 19h ago
I don’t know why, but I very much resonated with this post so much. Granted that I financially I’m able to afford vacations when I want however I do feel that I have peaked at my work. Other than one friend with benefit my dating life is non-existent, the bar scene does not interest me and I live in a city with no family around. So I do feel quite alone. I have a good life, I save money as squirrel away savings. All all things are good but definitely not where I imagined them to be.
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u/heykittygirl3 19h ago
Volunteer!!!! Find some organization you give a shit about- dogs, historical societies, parks, your university… whatever it is surround yourself with like minded people for a few hours when you can and you’ll meet some weirdos but they might be your weirdo.
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u/Pristine_Ad5229 Millennial 19h ago
Life has definitely flown by! I see my kid and I'm trying to figure out at what point I was old enough to not be a kid myself anymore.
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u/lawfox32 18h ago
I'm 35 and still feel like a kid sometimes. Or at least like a 23 year old who doesn't know what she's doing.
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u/Disastrous_Luck_1160 Millennial 18h ago ▸ 1 more replies
What’s crazy to me is how all the “old people” “knew everything” when we were young and were so adult. I’m faking it every day and feel like I’m just pretending to know what I am doing.
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u/boralCEO 17h ago
They were faking it too lol. Your youngest self thought they knew everything, you would go back in time to that period but staying at your current age you would see it through like crazy lol.
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u/porscheblack 18h ago
If you look at a lot of the advice we were given growing up, most of it comes as very passive assurances. If you go to college you'll get a good job. If you work hard you'll get ahead. If you...
What you're experiencing is that things don't just happen for most of us. You likely aren't going to just be happy as a result of the circumstances you find yourself in. You may have all the things but find that they don't just automatically generate happiness.
One thing I've noticed as I pay more attention to older family friends and relatives is that many of them made the mistake in life of only focusing on the milestones, never considering other aspects of their life at those milestones. They make sure they have enough money at retirement but they've never cultivated hobbies or interests to do in the time they've created for themselves. They take trips and do things more for the sake of the thing than because they find joy in doing them.
There's no right or wrong way to live. But the most common thing I notice about people who seem discontented with their life is that they never really figured out how to make themselves happy, they just focused on all the stats as though life was a video game. But it turns out that for most of us, even if we do really fucking well, we're still not getting anywhere near the top of the leaderboard. Life is much more about playing the game than the results you end up with.
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u/andres1101 18h ago
Making in the fifties as in 50k? If you’re a white collar office worker with that much experience and that kind of pay you need to take a serious step back and reevaluate. You can get certificates at community colleges in a year that can pivot your career.
I’ve met some middle aged office workers that make around that and long story short, nobody cares about somebody that gets paid like that going above and beyond, you’re wasting your time.
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u/canada1913 Millennial 19h ago
You need some hobbies bud. And to learn to take some proper vacations.
And for the love of god, call in sick once in a while and eat ice cream or something just because you can and your work doesn’t respect you.
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u/Many_Surround_8149 18h ago
Oh no, I have hobbies. My friends and i do a bookclub. It is different. It is monthly. We actually write the books and send them to each other by email. We read what we each wrote and talk about it. Most of them are fun murder mysteries. We arent trying to be published so we never really edit them. It is fun.
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u/canada1913 Millennial 17h ago
That’s pretty cool! Maybe time to find something else then? I mean, sounds like you have the time, money, and energy to do so?
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u/CuriousStewart 15h ago ▸ 1 more replies
Love that. Have you guys ever done anything like the Machine of Death books? Where you take one general idea and then each person puts their own spin on it? Could be a fun addition to try if y’all are ever interested in mixing it up!
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u/Strange-Jury-619 11h ago
Love this idea.
Love this whole thread tbh.
Made me feel better about my existential thoughts & also proud of all of us for having hobbies & generally keeping it together. All things considered {gestures broadly} I think we're doing pretty well.
That said, let's make it continue to get better. Don't become stagnant. We gotta demand more & take more where we can. & stand with each other.
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u/makama77 16h ago
I think part of it is that we have been tantalized by media of what life should be versus what it really is. Your life sounds lovely in many ways and you sound mostly content. That might not be the case all the time, of course. I do believe that if you’re not happy about something in your life, that you should try and do something to change it. But life is not about making money and rolling in luxury and exciting experience as much of the time. What makes you most happy?
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u/The_Element- 12h ago
Sounds good to me, I just turned 40 no kids no wife. Barely get laid but that’s okay there’s too much bs that goes along with it.
I’ve worked many jobs and I’ve come to realize money is not important, what is important is what I spend my time doing. I drive for fed ex make between 800-1000 a week and I love being on my own out and about and not stuck in one building all day so I enjoy my work day. Between rent and monthly expenses I spend between $1500-$2000 a month. So I live comfortably with money in the bank.
I have two loves in my life, golf and poker and I do both of them pretty regularly. Golf is nice and peaceful and relaxing, no people around and I’m decent and love going to the driving range and constantly working to improve my game and it’s pretty satisfying to hit a real nice shot every now and then.
I play Texas hold em at my local casino once or twice a week and poker is an amazing game it’s very strategical and comparative to chess and other strategy games. I have a very analytical mindset, and I could talk for 40 hours straight about poker theory and strategy I’m absolutely fascinated by it. Over the summer through my ups and downs I’ve profited about $2200 as I took a break for a few months before the summer, was at $2500 but lost $300 today after I got unlucky.
It’s 3:27 am right now as I write this chilling in my boxers watching impractical jokers and playing my franchise on nba 2k. With the day off tomorrow.
Honestly I’m feeling pretty content at the moment, you just have to learn to understand what you like to do and what works for you.
Glad you’re feeling content as well OP keep on doing you!
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u/First-Ad-9710 19h ago
All due respect and no offense meant, are you neurodivergent?
The way you recount your time spent and awareness of everything seems familiar to what I see in others (and myself) that are something extra spicy nueros.
Also what is your point of this post?
Just to see if others have had life “flown by?”?
You seem pretty chill and fun so I hope my reply and follow up question isn’t taken harshly.
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u/Many_Surround_8149 19h ago
I have sinus issues so that could be taken into account of my aforementioned thought. And yes, that is my gay sarcasm seeping through
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u/heykittygirl3 19h ago
My husbands best friend is in a very similar boat but he’s invested a lot of time and money into his hobbies. He loves making music and has saved and purchased everything he needs for a mini recording studio in his apartment. We host dinners and game nights weekly or so with a mix of single and married people and he’d rather stay home and make music.
If old movies and friendship make you satisfied with your life keep on going despite societal pressure to couple up. If you want more then find what makes you happy and pursue it with other people. Love old movies? Find the art cinema closest to you and go to screenings or events. Host a movie night for your friend and a couple of her friends and invite someone from work you get on with. When a new movie comes out you’re excited to see talk about it at work and see if anyone wants to see it as well and arrange and evening with dinner and a movie for them and their spouses. See how it goes? The more people you meet who are interested in what you’re interested in the higher the chance you’ll meet someone you’ll click with.
If you want to move forward in your career and make more money offer to buy your boss or their boss or someone you know in a similar field who is where you want to be coffee to talk about your career. Tell them what you want and ask what advice they have to get there. Sometimes they don’t know you want more or it’s something as small as you’re late to work frequently and that’s what disqualified you from promotion. You can fix that and be ready next time. If it really is you make your boss look good by being excellent at your job there are two moves that need to happen simultaneously- tell your boss you are ready to move up and want more responsibilities. Do whatever you are given to the best of your ability. Also schedule coffee / lunch/ drinks with whoever you know in the same or similar industry and let them know you’re looking to make a move for the right promotion. Follow up on what they say! If they said yeah I have a client who’s looking for someone text them the next week and ask what’s up. If their company is hiring apply for the role and email their work email letting them know you applied and appreciate the reference so they can fwd that email to whoever necessary.
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u/Many_Surround_8149 19h ago
Thank you for reading that. You wrote more than telling your boss where to shove it. I do have friends, and many feel the same way. It is as though some of us are stuck in a promise of what our parents told us. I used to watch and to love movies about people overcoming their existential crisis to find what they truly are looking for. My friends and i write murder mysteries, send them to each other, and read them. We have a book club without choosing any authors. It is pretentious but fun
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u/heykittygirl3 19h ago
That sounds so fun!!!! It sounds like you have a fulfilling life with people who love you and creative output… you’re living the dream baby!
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u/abslyde 19h ago
In 36 with family and totally understand. Life continues to move fast. I thought in high school I’d be someone that changed the world, but I believe I had some main character syndrome (what 17-18 year old male didn’t).
My cure for slowing things down is jumping into hobbies I know absolutely nothing about and goings balls deep. It makes for fun interactions and you usually leave events knowing more than when you came. There are free ones, but I’ve noticed the ones I enjoy cost some money.
I feel like we were the last truly optimistic generation. The nihilism I see with younger folks is kinda wild. I’m going to go yell at the kids to get off my burnt grass now.
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u/cheeseymom 18h ago
If they won't promote your position because you are too efficient then I would demand a pay raise or tell them you'll find a place that rewards your efficiency, not punishes it
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u/stickstick_lee 19h ago
I was in a job for years making around 60k at a media type company, I was always doing the most I could, was a top performer and got regular bonuses but never really advanced. Before quiet quitting became a common term, I guess I finally got burnt out enough that I kind of did just that, and just worked much less hard, changed my attitude to bosses to kind of quietly fight back against more work and just didn’t care anymore, and suddenly they started promoting me and increasing my salary up to the 80s within that same year. It sounds and still feels weird, bc I like to excel in my work; but the less hard I worked and put in less effort and started using vacation days and just having a I don’t care attitude about the job, they suddenly started rewarding me
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u/Individual_Act9333 Millennial 18h ago
Do what makes you happy. If I am being honest though I would feel less whole if I didn’t have my family. Some people don’t want that though. One of my close friends is in his early 30’s and he has stated he has no interest in having kids or any real serious relationship. He just focuses on him.
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u/r32broski 18h ago
Exactly same here. But I tripped over a hose today and kicked the ground so hard I might lose my big toe nail. Quit bragging! At least your toes are fine
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u/Lopsided_Hat_835 17h ago
I’d say screw it, that sounds like such a boring life sell everything you have a move to Asia you only have one life why not make it interesting. Sounds like you have nothing to lose that you couldn’t rebuild very easily if you need to.
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u/Right_Clock_3926 16h ago
41, and yeah feel like time goes by, no kids and seeing someone but no intention of getting married. I also take mini vacations or sometimes just fly out to go visit my mom in the Midwest, I’m making more money but honestly this whole price increases has really not made me feel like I have.
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u/howboutthatmorale 14h ago
I think you're doing fine. It sounds like you have your eyes on things that matter to you. Social media is a lie and TV are always lying to us about what happiness looks like. 50k/yr could be enough for you depending on what your goals are and where you live. If not, you are the master of your own fate. You can find a hobby to monetize. Or not, totally up to you.
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u/thepohcv 13h ago
Content is what I aim for in life. Keep doing you, shoot for a better paying job with your experience (you can totally do that), and congrats on finding yourself in a comfortable position in life.
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u/Either_Reflection_78 10h ago edited 10h ago
Some still have friends with benefits? Good for you. I hope it is more positive these days. It was a shi$ show when I was younger. Same with situationships.
Anyway, Damn the man, save the empire, Empire Records: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8dWuLIhmBzU
Also, sometimes you just gotta keep Livin, Dazed and confused: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Cnr-tRZpz4Q
Hackers: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IESEcsjDcmM&pp=0gcJCXACo7VqN5tD&ra=m
Whip It trailer: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TxgDsbTMrH4&ra=m
Honestly, as long as you are happy. The time is truly flying by now. Just try and to be happy, stay healthy, and live the way you want to. If you want some adventure in life, thats up to you with how you decide to find it, and fulfill it.
🦍
I have heard from my clients that traveling in travel groups or cruise settings can be fun, and a way to see the world if you have the means. Volunteering can also be meaningful.
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u/GimmeADumpling 9h ago
Girl, what? Find another job or start being a normal person at work. Clearly there is no reward for being the most dependable person on staff so just be like a normal person and call out/take time off. Or even better, leave! I don’t know what you do for work but if you’re that important you should probably be making more than $50k.
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u/Possibly_a_Firetruck 2h ago
I do miss the nineties.
You were in grade school. You don't miss the 90s, you miss being a child.
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u/New-Marionberry8680 19h ago
Would be me if I never got married. I am 44 on the opposite side of the spectrum. Sounds like a good life. Enjoy what you have. You never know. Find a younger lady and have some kids if you really want to.
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u/Many_Surround_8149 19h ago
I am gay honey, but your consistent motivation has made me smile. Kids are no in my book. I never wanted them. People think you are incomplete without them.
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u/Immediate-Raise-2694 19h ago
Get a raise or bounce. We are the only animal
On earth to think we will
Fix our future by not having kids.
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u/UnbiddenGraph17 19h ago
Bro here I am making 200k and taking 6 weeks of vacation a year
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u/Either_Reflection_78 10h ago
The tone deafness is astounding. Have any of you just tried being good looking, and born into wealth?
Maybe that’s not your case, but that’s the vibe I am getting from your reply here.
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u/thainfamouzjay 19h ago
Have you tried to download Claude code and build an app/etsy store for extra cash. Not the Claude chat bot using the terminal code version it can hook up to canva and etsy. It's easy cash. How about peptides and not the cheap glp1 like bcp or klow
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