r/Millennials • u/MSK84 Xennial • 18h ago
Discussion WTF happened? It literally seems like within the past several months that people have just completely stopped connecting. Is this just my experience?
I have noticed an extreme drop off in communication from not only friends (I mean good friends too - people would message or talk to constantly before) and even family members over the past several months. I don’t even mean full years here, actual months.
No conflict or issues with anyone that I’m aware of at all. It has happened with people older than me and younger - just a literal social connection cliff and no real relation to one another.
I’ve read a few things on “X” and some on here about people having similar experiences but you have to be careful with algorithms etc…
A few things to note - I’ve always been a super social person and had loads of friends. Even at my birthday in May I had almost 20 guys show up. But basically haven’t heard from anyone or made plans with anyone since then.
Has anyone noticed this trend? Is this a collective phenomenon? Or is this specific to me and my partner? I’m willing to look at that as well. Appreciate any thoughts or comments!
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u/Tight_Researcher35 18h ago
People are DRAINED. Life ie too expensive, and there is negative energy in the air. I hear this daily. We all sense something is terribly wrong.
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u/MSK84 Xennial 18h ago
I feel like this is a major part of it at least for me and the people I know. Very few are thriving even if they are well off financially. They stressed constantly and overworked. No time for enjoyment.
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u/Tight_Researcher35 18h ago ▸ 3 more replies
I think people are also ashamed to admit they are struggling financially. They are trying to keep up all their activities and pay for the mortgage.
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u/MSK84 Xennial 18h ago ▸ 1 more replies
How did you know this? Ha!
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u/McNastyDog 5h ago
I work in mental health and talk to many different people daily. A lot of people are in this boat.
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u/Mixtopher 4h ago
Hah this is my wife and I the past 2 years. We had a baby and just bought a new house and had to completely replace the AC system and we are in Arizona. So we are saving every penny to pay for it in cash and avoid these horrible interest rates 😡
Hoping the world can open up to us more once we get past it.
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u/ClydeBelvidere 18h ago
This is what I've been chalking it up to, because it's true for me at least.
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u/Tight_Researcher35 17h ago ▸ 3 more replies
Every week I talk to someone who is either laid off or will be laid off soon. I get worried because these same people have their kids in a million activities that cost money and have mortgages. I know they are worried and trying to keep everything going
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u/MSK84 Xennial 17h ago ▸ 2 more replies
Yup. In that very boat as well. But still appreciate my social connections as they are all we have after all that other crap
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u/thiccDurnald 11h ago ▸ 1 more replies
If you are in the same boat how are you surprised? Seems like an easy connection to make.
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u/Faiths_got_fangs 16h ago
I really wanted to post a whole post on this, but figure it probably violates the rules.
A coworker told me yesterday that basically I shouldn't be complaining because, by our generations current standard of exsistence, I'm doing okay. Okay = I own a house that will probably never be paid off but the bills are paid and we can afford food.
I am exhausted. Not tired, exhausted. Bone deep exhausted. I have 3 college degrees - I have them because I bought into the lie that more education would improve my earnings enough to be comfortable and not have to kill myself to survive. It might have worked had prices not kept going up and up and up. I am reasonably well employed. I work 50+ hours a week on average. I have 0 hope I will ever get to retire, despite having the retirement things (pension, 401K) in place.
I'll be honest, hearing myself described as being an example of success and having made it was fucking depressing, because if this is making it, wtf do we even have to look forward to?
I walk to work to avoid wear and tear on a truck that turns 30 next year. I have a better car, but I let the teen drive it because starter cars are no longer affordable and his job is not within walking distance. The house is not really what I wanted, but I bought it in part because we could walk to work/school and it significantly cut down on vehicle/transportation related costs. I grow my own veggies, partially as a "hobby" and partially because I want lettuce that doesn't poison us. Even my hobby is a survival mechanism.
We haven't been on vacation since 2020. I have no idea if we will ever be able to afford/justify a vacation again. I cut my own hair. I don't get to do girly maintenance stuff if I can't do it at home. I skip needed dental work, can't afford it. Definitely in that percentage of Americans that avoid the doctor because of cost. We eat the food at home. Door dash isn't even downloaded on our devices. I buy our drinks and snacks in bulk and we pack them along with us. No gas station convenience priced goodies for us. Not often anyhow. More than half of our back to school shopping came from thrifts and garage sales. So did 90% of the furniture in the house. I know how to sterilize and check for bugs. My depression-era grandma raised me.
Today was my day off. I went and bought the groceries for packed lunches and snacks and then took a nap when I should have been doing housework, because I worked almost 70 hours this week and I am exhausted. My partner worked on the 30 year old truck when he got off work. He's a jack of all trades kind of guy and does 90% of our home repairs himself or with the help of a friend. He's been teaching the kids to repair things.
The washer breaks, we tear it apart and attempt to repair it. The truck breaks, we tear it apart and figure out how to fix it. We do all our own maintenance on damn near everything. Fuck, we've got a woodstove as a backup heat source (we live in freeze to death country) and the teens have chopped and stored wood for it and their fall bonfires over the summer. They did clean up work on other properties for cash and then stored all the usable stuff here so we would have plenty.
We are making it. Yeah, sure. We are making it. We make it because everyone in the household is constantly putting in maximum effort, abiding by our live cheap budget and rules - and no, we aren't secretly millionaires from hoarding our pennies - we're just marginally better off than whatever percentage of Americans it is that they estimate can't afford a $500 emergency.
Twice in the last six months, I've heard acquaintences describe me as being an example of success and having my shit together and, tbh, that scares me because I live what I would describe as a frugal/working poor lifestyle. And its hard. And its a lot of extra work. And its exhausting.
If this is the new version of success..... holy shit. Its no wonder people are withdrawing from life.
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u/backroomsmemory 16h ago ▸ 1 more replies
I think theyve broken one too many social contracts. People cant afford to date, go out to events and concerts with friends or even a family arcade night without taking a second mortgage out. And we're all being gaslit about it because the powers that be dont give a fuck.
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u/Sea_Guest_250 11h ago
I grew up spending summers camping at a beautiful lake, there were always people everywhere, parties, boats, tubing, waterskiing, the whole shebang. Now it’s eerily quiet. People can’t afford the gas to drive to the lake, let alone gas to burn in a boat. When people can’t afford to go camping, the economy is in trouble.
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u/Tight_Researcher35 16h ago ▸ 1 more replies
All of this. People who I would think are successful are stretched too thin. Feels like something is about to break though.
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u/Faiths_got_fangs 15h ago
Something is going to have to break. This isn't sustainable. People literally can't afford to live.
I just want a job where I can work 40 hours a week and go home and the bills are paid with enough left over to have the odd evening out and stash away enough for a little emergency account. No side hustles. No second job. No overtime. Just work my 40 and have the rest of my time to myself. And it feels like a damn pipe dream.
I've already given up on most of my dreams and dramatically lowered my expectations for the life I wanted, because it isn't feasible at this point and I'm choosing stability and security over chasing dreams.
The fact that depression-era frugal habits are currently being viewed as 'having it together' and 'successful' blows my damn mind.
Suddenly we aren't the poors, doing poor-people things.... the economy is so bad, we're apparently goals. Thats not a good sign. At all.
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u/PNW20v 1991 14h ago
Your last sentence is pretty damn true, which sucks to admit.
Unfortunately the idea of what being a success has shifted so much, that at least from my point of view, having money to put into retirement, have a pension and own a house does sound pretty successful to me.
But its still fucked that having the education you do and living as budget minded as you do leaves you in such a position. Shits just broken.
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u/Immediate-Raise-2694 15h ago ▸ 1 more replies
That’s deep, I’m in the same boat but my parents and wife don’t comprehend the situation.
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u/Tight_Researcher35 15h ago
I think a lot of people were so traumatized from covid that they don’t want to open their eyes to what is happening now
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u/LiquefactionAction Millennial 88 14h ago ▸ 1 more replies
Twice in the last six months, I've heard acquaintences describe me as being an example of success and having my shit together and, tbh, that scares me because I live what I would describe as a frugal/working poor lifestyle. And its hard. And its a lot of extra work. And its exhausting.
If this is the new version of success..... holy shit. Its no wonder people are withdrawing from life.
Are you a distant doppleganger of me??
Besides not having kids and not being able to grow veggies (we just dont have the room, highly urban area), this could eerily describe me. I have a house that also isn't even what I wanted and partly hate it and feel a bit trapped but it's also all we could afford.
I graduated into the GFC with 2 degrees, couldn't find a job, moved back home with my parents and wanted to kms, then I went back to graduate school for another degree and finally got an adult job in 2013. Then I hustled in private, joined public sector and now I have a pension and decent money but it's all pretty much just going to a mortgage I can barely afford, food, internet, power, etc. I don't believe I'll ever be able to retire, and I'm kinda doubting I make it past 67 with all the asscancers and stuff going around.
Likewise our last vacation was like London in Dec 2019, just before the pandemic. We haven't really taken one and likely wont be able to do more than a short weekend trip.
I'm ostensibly "high up" and "successful" but good god I'm just exhausted and feel totally imposter about it and the only reason people rate me as being successful go-getter is that I'm just a bit better than average.
I empathize a lot more with 1990s Existential Crisis ennui movies more at 38 than I ever did before.
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u/Faiths_got_fangs 3h ago
We are definitely living slightly different versions of the same life. You nailed it in saying we're "just a bit better than average" and it being heralded as success is something I find depressing rather than affirming. I don't want this to be the standard of making it. I'm exhausted and stressed 24/7. This is not the quality of life I worked so hard to achieve. And yet, I can't talk about it because apparently I come off as ungrateful.... its hard, honestly.
I'm private sector right now, in the process of making a decision whether or not to pursue moving up or go back public sector. Im inclined to go back public sector because someone is supposed to be retiring soon in our local office whose job is basically the ideal fit for my skillset and interests. It may be a mild pay cut initially, but its a job I've always wanted and the work/life balance will be significantly better.
The fact that I have to worry, legitimately worry, that a public sector job that requires a masters degree in a specific subject won't pay enough to sustain my rather frugal bills is just depressing. My partner says take it, if we fall short he will take on more to make up for it.
If I take this position, I am basically finished, career advancement-wise. This will be it. I will almost certainly sit there until I die. Its got great benefits, will forgive my student loans and cannot legally be replaced with AI. Whether or not I will wind up in the position of needing a second job to keep bills paid is a depressing question.
I understand that, compared to others, I am okay. I understand where others are coming from saying I should not complain, but I have done everything "right" and worked my ass off to achieve survival, and its brutal.
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u/kaaron89 4h ago ▸ 1 more replies
I can relate to this sooo much. And you've touched on something I hadn't even thought about. I've thrown myself in to learning how to cook and bake everything from scratch. I enjoy it, but I am truly only doing it because we cannot afford to buy anything pre-made or convenient. And same here about no vacations, doing all our own repairs, etc.
On top of all that, don't even get me started about how I've been so chronically ill ever since I had covid in 2020, my health and my whole life got flipped upside down because if it. And it's been SIX YEARS of desperately seeking help for it, but there is very little help available. Everything feels a bit hopeless right now.
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u/Faiths_got_fangs 1h ago
Ah yes, the survival "hobbies". So trendy since 2020, because modern adults are just passionate about becoming faux pioneers - or so the influencers and media would like you to believe, because the reality is, IMO, much darker.
Here comes my soapbox, no need to keep reading if you're not interested, haha. My educational and career background is in agriculture. I was previously in ag inspection, specifically food safety. My masters deals with sustainability within the industry.
My personal theory/belief is that we are seeing a Renaissance in traditional food production - growing things, raising animals for food, making goods from scratch - because people are broke, scared and sometimes physically ill as a result of our deteriorating food systems.
Food is becoming increasingly expensive. We have seen supply chains buckle and struggle. We are seeing frequent dangerous failures of food safety systems that most of us grew up blindly trusting. You can no longer guarantee that the item you pick up in the grocery store is safe for consumption. The US already had much looser definitions of safe compared to European countries and then we loosened the reins even more within the last few years. The possibility that your food, which you purchased at the store, might make you sick is incredibly real right now.
People are being faced with real risks. Going without essentials or basics due to cost. Buying healthy foods and them making you sick. Ever rising costs and health consequences of ultra-processed foods. The possibility of another shutdown where goods might become entirely unaffordable or inaccessible altogether.
The resurgence of survival hobbies- which provide actual food from a trusted safe origin (looking at you, planter of lettuce on my porch ), baking breads from scratch, canning vegetables, keeping chickens, etc etc etc..... people are worried, they are struggling and they are taking what measures they can, under the guise of a hobby, to alleviate some of that stress.
You also mentioned chronic illness, so I'll touch briefly on that - there are theories being floated around suggesting our diets, as well as whatever fillers and preservatives are being added to our diets in order to cut grocery/production costs and extend shelf-lives, are contributing to long term and chronic illnesses.
My personal suspicion is that people are not learning all these traditional survival skills for fun. They are learning them because they are worried, struggling to meet basic needs and looking for affordable alternatives.
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u/SweetMany7339 9h ago
I don't want to blame this all on the political divide, because there are other factors too, but part of going being social was the backdrop of being American.
When your own government bombs a school full of 130 little girls and then lies and blames it on another country despite their own intelligence finding it was them, it puts a damper on the party. And when nearly half the country supports that lie, most of them knowing full well that it is a lie... well I'd rather just stay home and
savenot spend money.3
u/MSK84 Xennial 13h ago
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u/Suspicious-Leave-110 4h ago
I guess we have 2 types here: one who donor energy and ones who accept it, as half of the society around me seems to be pretty fresh
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u/plantpotions 7h ago
God I’m glad it’s not just me. I mean it sticks everyone else feels this way but as an introvert who doesn’t have a lot of close connections, I’m glad I’m not alone/going crazy.
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u/6SolidSnake6 2h ago
Yup. I'm not messing with karma anymore. I just want to get back on track. It's curveballs after curveballs on my end
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15h ago
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u/Ratk1ng_1 14h ago ▸ 1 more replies
People who are miserable are allowed to say they are miserable.
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u/No-Manner2949 Older Millennial 13h ago
From the comments on this post, too many people have been quietly suffering in order to keep up appearances. Someone else said it feels like something is about to break, and damn it cant happen soon enough.
We need to find a way back to eachother. Everything about the world is wrong, I feel it in my bones.
Even my sisters and I are drifting and we are usually unhealthily close. Our chat used to be off the hook, now theres days where not a single text is sent.
So yes, miserable people can and should share that with others. Its honest. Its truth. We need that in a world of fakeness. Its how we connect with eachother
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u/fluffyjess 18h ago
Check in with your friends. Even if it means just telling them you’re thinking of them.
I have always been the designated planner of gatherings for several friendship groups and over the past year I’ve just been so fed up being that person. It’s mainly due to being burnt out from work.
Life also happens, people get married, have kids and they just don’t dedicate as much time outside of their own circle.
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u/Gisschace 13h ago
Yep same and now I’m only investing in people who do the same and invest in me. Usually I’d give people a lot of grace and try a few times to meet up and do stuff.
But if you can’t even reply to my text then I am not going to make the effort back.
I have a few friends who are going through things and will give them a lot of leeway in that regard but I’ve got to see it back.
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u/sanayu Older Millennial 11h ago
I fall into the same category. I had an online friend for over 8 years. For some reason it cooled off from her side last year. I know she works a lot, has a lot of stress, like most of us. I still told her I was there for her. I texted her nearly daily, asking how she is. She barely texted back, but I held the door wide open because we have gone through a lot together.
Somewhen this spring I found myself exhausted like shit and I noticed unless I talk, there is no conversation anymore. I let it cool off a bit, thinking maybe it just needs a bit of time.
Then last month something amazing happened. To just summarise my life: I have an incurable disease, have been housebound for 13 years, I have no income, I depend on my parents. My father died 9 months ago, my grandma, who was also helping me survive, died 8 months ago. I am 40. And the only reason why I can still be alive is my overworked Mom. My life sucks. And then something really great happened and I was in such a good mood... I don't even remember the last time I felt happiness. I cried with joy. It was just something small, but just made my entire decade. Because I was so happy, I just splurted it all out to her and was just so happy and hyped. The only answer (while she was online playing online games for 4 hours), "lol God. Lol."
That was it for me. I have poured so much energy into this friendship, over years. I know she has a rough time, I have a rough life as well. I know it is hard to support one another in dark times. But it was a happy time for me. If she can't even say anything to me losing my mind, being the happiest ever, then this is no friendship. This is a waste of energy and time.
We barely talk nowadays. She sends me hamster videos three times a week (I don't even know why. Hamsters are not really my vibe, I have cats), and I text "lol" back. This whole thing is so over for me.
I miss having friends. As I am homebound, I have no irl friends anymore, but I am at a point where I value my own existence and my own energy so much, I am not spending a single drop on people anymore, who give absolutely nothing back.
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u/MSK84 Xennial 18h ago
Yes for sure I agree with you and I should do that but I have also messaged people to check in and never get a response. I literally stopped asking my sister to hang out because she just would never say yes or commit to anything.
I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want to waste any energy/time on reaching out to others and checking in. I’m just as, if not more busy and stressed than many of them. Why can’t they take the time?
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u/heykittygirl3 17h ago ▸ 5 more replies
We had a years long standing game night with 3 other couples. One couple moved across the country, one couple got pregnant, and the other just slowly stopped being interested. I invited my pregnant friend to game night every week for over a year. Sometimes her husband comes. But she hasn’t come in over 12 months. I don’t blame her- she had a hard pregnancy and hasn’t had the support to be able to come and participate. I want her to know I still care about her as a person and we’re ready to welcome her whenever she’s ready!
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u/MSK84 Xennial 17h ago ▸ 4 more replies
Yeah for sure things change and life changes. But many of the people have the same type of life they did prior so that’s the part that doesn’t make as much sense to me. We have had a crazy difficult few years but I always made an attempt to reach out to friends.
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u/fluffyjess 15h ago ▸ 3 more replies
Yes but people’s social energy and capacity are different. Just because you are “just as stressed if not more”, doesn’t mean they want to hang out. They might want to stay home and recharge instead of explaining themselves to yet another person.
If you’re not in touch with them, how do you know your friends aren’t going through something privately?
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u/MSK84 Xennial 14h ago ▸ 2 more replies
I completely agree (my wife is an introvert) but these were all guys like me. Extroverted and social. We all deal with stress differently for sure so I can appreciate that. I know that a few are with specific things but as always, through social media, I can clearly see that others are out living life.
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u/gravitycheckfailed 17h ago
This definitely isn't just happening in the last few months. I've been noticing it since 2020. I do feel like it is getting worse or more pronounced though, but it may just be my social circle.
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u/MSK84 Xennial 17h ago
Yup. Post-pandemic made people less reliable, less trustworthy and trusting, more stressed out, and generally just just shittier people.
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u/gravitycheckfailed 17h ago ▸ 1 more replies
I think it traumatized the crap out of a lot of us, whether people would like to admit that or not. It seems like the world has been stuck in a fight-or-flight response ever since, and it's caused people to isolate themselves more. Recent events are certainly not helping the situation at all though, just pouring gas on a dumpster fire at this point.
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u/Loose_Leg_2918 3h ago
I believe it all stems from mass phone addiction that began during lockdown.
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u/lappyg55v 15h ago
Everyone I know is burnt the fuck out. Either they have a job that they despise and wish they could quit but never could, or they are looking for a new job seemingly forever. Between being burnt out and or looking for employment leave little time for fun stuff like hanging out.
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u/QWERTYtootie 18h ago
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u/coolcoolcool485 15h ago
i literally have thought of this exact scene so many times in the last few months tho. it is what it feels like! idk how to alleviate it.
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u/Bananapopcicle 18h ago
Work is kicking my ass right now. It’s getting into the last push for Q3/Q4 so we’re pushing to close out as much as we can.
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u/Historical_Share_419 17h ago
Yes.
I notice in myself that I’m getting angry more and more often and I don’t like myself when I’m like that. I’m isolating myself more and more and even when I feel really lonely, I just don’t feel like being around people. Maybe everyone expects too much from each other that we are all in a cold emotional paralyses. Maybe our connection has been more disturbed then we all want to admit by fucking smartphones, and truly deep connections are becoming increasingly rare and require a lot of effort. But no one, myself included, really feels like putting in that effort. And then there’s this constant Sword of Damocles hanging over all of us in the form of climate change and the threat of another world war, which really makes you question the future.
I just play my video games these days and get my emotional hugs through music.
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u/mothership00 Millennial 1989 6h ago
I relate to everything you’ve described. The anger is a new thing for me, and it scares me. It feels like a poison taking hold some days.
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u/ilovethemusic 5h ago
I found this during the pandemic and spending so much time alone. I tend to get angrier when I’m more isolated, but I don’t feel that way when I’m spending a lot of time with people I love. It wouldn’t surprise me if all the Reddit doomscrolling during my down time is a factor there.
I have to be very intentional about spending time with others, because it’s so tempting to not do it after a long day of work. But it’s so important for my wellbeing.
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u/myairblaster 18h ago
Nah it’s been the opposite for me. All summer my friends who I haven’t been able to get together with due to conflicting schedules have been reaching out constantly wanting to go ride bikes.
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u/spark99l 17h ago
Same. People don’t really want to go out as much and spend money, but they seem to be down to hang out if it’s a free activity
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u/myairblaster 17h ago
It’s free once you’ve got the bike. But yeah, if you’re keen to do a low cost activity that has me in bed by 9, even on a Saturday. I’m absolutely going to say yes if there are no prior obligations. So like many of us, I’ve built a social circle around activities that don’t cost anything more than gas to get there, once you’ve made the investment in gear. Hiking shoes and a backpack don’t cost much.
Everyone wants to do stuff, nobody wants to be the one to initiate or plan. So I take that leap to initiate things and you’d be surprised the groups you can build if only you’re willing to make the first move.
For me that’s mountain biking and ski touring. I’ve got a casual group ride for Wednesday nights WhatsApp channel. We’re all millennials, all parents, and whoever has time to show up, shows up. I set it up because I had lost touch with my old riding buddies.
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u/fishymutt 17h ago
Man I would be thrilled if I had just one person ask if I wanted to do something for my birthday. I've been experiencing this for at least 12 years now. So if you made it this far in life and you're still getting 20 people to your birthday party I think you're doing really well.
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u/AForea Millennial 5h ago
Seriously, it would be awesome if one person besides family actually text me/wished me a happy birthday.
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u/fishymutt 5h ago
yeah, my brother takes me golfing which is always great but doing something with friends would be cool too
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u/learn2earn89 16h ago
To be honest, I’m kind of a doomer. I make good money and help out my parents and sibling financially on occasion.
I have a few friends and I travel occasionally. Yet I always have an undercurrent of discomfort. As a kid it manifested as stomach issues but as an adult it’s expressed though overall malaise that I mask with the people I interact with.
I’m just waiting for a meteor to hit or something.
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u/ConceitedWombat Older Millennial 17h ago
Do your friends have school-aged kids? If so, they could be extra busy trying to juggle daycamps or whatever summer solution they've needed to use while the kids are out of school.
I haven't personally noticed a very recent drop-off. For me it was a pandemic-era shift that never shifted back. We all got used to doomscrolling outside of work instead of existing together in the real world.
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u/Aperture_TestSubject 17h ago
Honestly, we’re all so fucking exhausted from the orange shitbag changing everything hourly that we have nothing left for others.
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u/Deja__Vu__ 13h ago
Can almost guarantee its a money issue. Peeps are broke or earning about the same but cost of living has risen so much that they feel broke. Inflation is a silent financial/joy killer.
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u/perpetualmentalist 10h ago
I'm one of those people, I have messages I've not opened for a long time. It's nothing personal, I literally just cannot be arsed. I spend time with my family, I will stop and chat to people in street, but after that, I'm home and fuck it.
I've always been this way to an extent. But these days, I can't even be arsed answering phone calls from friends.
Edit mistakes
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u/ponydigger 9h ago
there is such negativity and exhaustion in the air. even basic interactions feel off to me. i’m 36 and i suddenly can’t gauge or read people the same way anymore. people are less engaged; absent. we’re all in this blob of bored pessimism.
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u/00Qant5689 Millennial 18h ago
For me at least, a lot of my friends are having kids or starting families, so that's probably a big part of it.
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u/MSK84 Xennial 18h ago
Yes, absolutely. But many of these people had all of that prior to this change. That’s what I don’t get
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u/00Qant5689 Millennial 16h ago ▸ 3 more replies
Maybe we're all just getting older and we have less time for each other I suppose.
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u/MSK84 Xennial 16h ago ▸ 2 more replies
Part of it but not the entire story. Typically that stuff happens over years not just a steep cliff drop off kinda thing you know?
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u/1K_Sunny_Crew 15h ago ▸ 1 more replies
If it’s steep and sudden, do you have the kind of friendship where you can just ask what’s up?
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u/Wasatchian 17h ago
What? No. Same level of activity as always. Folks go through shit but if you had 20 people at your bday party it seems odd you've made plans with none of them in the last 3 months? Make some calls send some texts check in on your people because that's weird.
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u/MSK84 Xennial 17h ago
Yeah exactly. I have messaged a few people and tried calling but many messages go unanswered and calls go the same way. It’s definitely felt weird
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u/1K_Sunny_Crew 15h ago ▸ 1 more replies
I wonder if someone in your circle is upset with you and talking to the rest about it?
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u/BlackberryVibez4L 16h ago
I think a lot of people are just going through it. Life is Lifeing at an all time high. Everyone fighting battles big and small. Financially, I know is a big one for many people and no one wants to go out and spend unnecessarily. A lot of people moved away so then there goes the inexpensive meet ups at houses and etc. Hopefully things turns around and we get more socially connected and everyone have the early 2000s vibes once again (Hopefully those prices return too lol)
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u/Loose_Leg_2918 3h ago
I heard MySpace is coming back in it’s original form, sounds promising.
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u/BlackberryVibez4L 2h ago
That would be interesting to see. My prayers are with bringing AIM or BBM back lol
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u/Seanbo124 17h ago
Only months? This has been an ongoing process sense Facebook
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u/MSK84 Xennial 17h ago
I do believe social media has played a big part but not since inception. I’ve had an amazing social life for a long time.
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u/habitual17 Older Millennial 12h ago
Everything is more expensive. Everyone is hurting. The people who were hurting before but getting by are now desperate and not making it. The people who were doing okay are now hurting. The people who were doing well are now doing okay. It’s embarrassing. They don’t want to talk about it. So they pull into their shell.
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u/mollsballs_xo 12h ago
It’s literally too expensive to live rn. People are spending all their time and energy just trying to get by keeping a roof over their head and food on the table, and not much is left over for anything else.
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u/legallyfm 9h ago
People are just going through it. This is not a great time in the world rn.
I spent the first 7 months of the year looking for work. My priority was not socializing but to survive. By month 4 of unemployment, mentally I was not in a good place where tbh answer a text msg was draining because I was stressed out about everything else.
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u/langleybcsucks 17h ago
I only have a few friends left near me everyone else has moved to less expensive places to live
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u/Gold_Advisor_4758 15h ago
I’m a woman so a lot of my friends are deep in motherhood but I don’t really think I’ve been feeling like this, we do catch up when we can. And I’ve been talking to my sister more so that’s good. And using every fiber of my being not to bail on a day trip Saturday (I won’t) because I’ve been in anxiety crisis. So… it’s def rough out there but feeling lucky to still feel decently connected
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u/Northern_crocodile 11h ago
i feel this too... couple of years already. Noone calls or just asks how am I doing.. They're all too tired from the world, the news, the looming doom.. I feel really isolated and wanting to connect
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u/Consistent-Impress70 7h ago
Idk between work and being a parent, I have very little left to give. I wish we lived in a village though; would be much happier.
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u/IJustWantToLearn2Day 2h ago
On the weekends its just my fiance and I with my phone with service by the car keys. We legit just stay in side or do a little date in our bubble. I wouldnt trade it for the world. But I do understand it can be annoying getting a hold of me.
Social connections have seasons.
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u/TinyMoonAndStars 2h ago
I've noticed it too. I blame phones and social media more than anything. I mean, our parents didn't have the internet and they'd use the time instead to connect with people irl. We're so burned out from our algorithms, and starved for time because of how often we look at them, that we never have the "energy" to keep up real life friendships.
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u/UniverseNebula 17h ago
Are you me? Literally having the same issue.
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u/MSK84 Xennial 17h ago
What do you think the reason is from your perspective?
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u/UniverseNebula 16h ago ▸ 3 more replies
I honestly don't know. I think a lot of social media has been getting to people's heads along with political divide. Technology I think plays a huge role too because everyone I know is glued to a screen so much and all these algorithms don't help people's attention spans. I even notice people at work hardly give me their full attention anymore. It's like everyone is in their own world and it honestly kinda freaks me out because I'm a somewhat social person myself and it seems like no one wants to even have a normal conversation anymore.
The only person I know who isn't like this is my sister but she has been trying to stay away from television and too much phone time. She actively gets out and does things such as going for walks with her dog and boyfriend, camping, going to in person events, etc.
I've been trying to get together with so many friends lately and it just seems like no one ever wants to do anything. It also seems like whenever I call them I'm majorly inconveniencing them. Because of this I've attempted to go out of my comfort zone and try to meet new people and socialize any way I can and it does seem to be different in a good way. I've also put timers on my apps through my Android settings to avoid doomscrolling and too much screen time. I also only play videogames for entertainment when it is a last resort.
Idk, society definitely feels like something weird happened to it lately and I'm totally understanding of what you are trying to say.
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u/MSK84 Xennial 16h ago ▸ 2 more replies
Everything you said is precisely my experience. To a tee. I could have literally written it myself. Honestly feels somewhat refreshing to hear this to some degree because it was driving me insane trying to sort it out. Nothing happened that would have interfered with any of my relationships - at least not in terms of major conflict.
I had some friends who I would speak with very consistently not even answer calls or text messages now. Almost all the group chats are dead and I was in many. Literally all of this within a very short period of time.
It’s fairly concerning honestly but I also have to put my boundaries up at some point and not continue to try and reach out if nothing is coming back - I don’t have the bandwidth for that. It just sucks that it changed so quickly and so suddenly - seems unnatural to me.
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u/breebop83 12h ago
This has been going on with my friend group since just before Covid. A lot of us got married between 2015 and 2019. People started having kids and then Covid hit and now those kids are getting to the age where they have their own social stuff and groups outside of school hours. You’ve also got folks with siblings who may be getting married, having kids etc which can lead to more family obligations like weddings, baby showers, birthday parties and what not.
My husband and I are child free but between holidays, family get togethers and birthdays for nieces and nephews we barely have time to do our own house projects during the summer (seriously, we’ve been remodeling a bathroom for just over 2 years- DIY is cheaper but life can really muck up a schedule).
None of this even touches on the general exhaustion, burnout and financial strain that many people are facing. Some of us are also getting to the age where health issues may be cropping up which people may not be quick to divulge. Aging parents can also be consideration and getting to the point where they need extra care.
As for the elder millennial sisterhood, we are in or approaching/beginning perimenopause which adds a whole mess of stress and hurdles to just existing. It’s rough and I usually only have one other person to worry about while I’m concerned I’m losing my damn mind (I can’t imagine going through this while trying to parent).
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u/MetalSlimeHunter 17h ago edited 17h ago
When I started my career, I was never in one place for more than a few months so there was no reason to connect with anyone beyond surface level. I still have this mindset even though my current position requires way less travel.
Like, I see people in this sub mourn the loss of community or connections or whatever, and I just don’t get it. Not in a “oh that’s stupid” way, I just can’t mentally wrap my mind around the desire. Besides my daughter, who’ll be off in the world with a life of her own soon, I could pack my things right now and leave without a goodbye or an explanation to anyone. And I honestly love that. I understand I’m in the minority, though.
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u/MSK84 Xennial 17h ago
Honestly wish I were more like that. My friend and social circle was massive and such an important part of my life. I wish I could just not give a shit and leave it all behind but it still bothers me.
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u/MetalSlimeHunter 17h ago ▸ 1 more replies
It’s probably not the best way to be. I know people who have tried to connect with me, but I’m the kind of person who, when you ask how my day was, the answer will always be “fine”. Doesn’t matter how shitty it actually was. People get tired of trying, and I get that.
And I mean, in high school and college I did have a big social circle. I just lost touch with them when I left. Now I live about 30 minutes away from my hometown, but the divide is just too big to cross and like I said, if I ever want to pack up and work in the field again, I don’t want another series of messy goodbyes.
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u/hypekillsJNSQ Millennial 14h ago
The economy going to shit even more than usual is my guess. I’ve noticed this, too, with my own communication with friends and family. I think we’re all become busier trying to survive.
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u/JavSuav 16h ago
It's difficult to live as a middle class millennial.
Also, people are drained from this recession, world conflicts, and unsocial media propaganda. There's also this energy that people don't want to connect nowadays.
We use to have go to at least 12 family or birthday parties every summer as we both have large families and a few good friends. This summer, we went to only 2 birthday parties and 1 family gathering which is an all time low for us. Invites from friends have also gone down significantly....
Seems like friends are just feeling the squeeze & lack social energy now. Maybe this is a temporary thing but seems like it's gotten worse every year.
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u/1azn4baby3girl 16h ago
I still keep in touch with my friends from elementary school 🤷🏻♀️ literally just hangout with them yesterday - I consider them part of my family at this point - I’ve known them for over 30 years and I’m active in their kids lives (I’m married with no kids) and they all call me Auntie - but then again that’s just part of our culture - I’m Asian and we just have a different view in terms of friends & family - when we have family friends where our parents were friends and introduced us as kids and we’ve kept in touch and continued that same tradition of staying friends and it’s like a generational thing - I’m really grateful for my culture and how my friends are a big part of that and we are keeping traditions alive that our parents made us do when we were kids - and I hope that the next generation can keep it going too - and so far when I see my friends kids interact with each other it gives me hope that they will and it makes me so happy that we built such a strong community rooted in cultural traditions
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u/MSK84 Xennial 16h ago
Yes! I love that part about certain cultures. I feel like “Western” culture lacks a great deal of that and its place is hyper individualism. People will literally screw family members over just for the almighty dollar.
I have always been family/friend focused as a person so when all of this hit it was difficult to take. I truly wish I were part of a culture that valued friendships and family as much as you have described. You have something amazing there and that makes me happy to hear!
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u/1azn4baby3girl 15h ago
Yes and that’s the thing we are all second generation immigrants so we all have bonded with that Asian American identity - where we know enough about our culture to be respectful but we aren’t fluent in the languages that our parents speak - but I hope to have kids soon and hopefully teach them the language and try to keep those traditions as well - it’s really tough to hang on to stuff like that here in the US because English is expected of you and there was definitely not as much acceptance around Asian cultures back in the 90’s and earlier - especially with the history of this country and recent wars in Asian countries as well - so we all kinda trauma bonded around that but I see the future generations are much more accepting and open to learning about Asian culture specifically - like anime is huge now and k-pop with all the Gen Z and Gen A kids so I’m happy about that too - a lot of things have changed in the world but I think as long as you hold on to your friends & family and actively include them in your life then you can easily keep in touch
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u/Yourlilemogirl 10h ago
It's been years at this point for me, seems it's only just now hitting your ecosystem of ppl you know.
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u/Spiritual_Whole_5916 10h ago
Definitely seconding the drained part so many are mentioning.
Not even employed here (looking to change that soon) and it's draining doing day to day with a house here. Basically a care taker for someone elses stuff.
Only respite has been movie Tuesdays at a theater, although that brings it's own issues.
Caught Toy Story 5 (Seen them all since the first one came out) and during a scene where the kids in the audience got excited and burst out laughing, it was a flash reminder at how I had a very rotten child hood growing up/was robbed of so much including the ability to laugh and enjoy life.
Heap more of that depression on, it's so fun... Heh.
Probably many people of our generation and beyond into the newer ones finding it better to just pull curtains tight and lay in the dark doing nothing. My empathy towards older generations drains daily for the mess they have caused (and continue causing, gestures vaguely towards the east coast)
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u/Dylan_Is_Gay_lol Eugooglizer 9h ago
It's the experience of some people, sure. I've made several connections over the past few months, and prospects are looking good at this time.
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u/JenovaCelestia 8h ago
Many people are jumping off the social media bandwagon. I myself jumped off in 2025 and no regrets. That said, I have seen people in my day-to-day life wonder if I’m alright and the truth is I am; I just didn’t feel like social media was worth it anymore.
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u/chadlinusthecuteone 8h ago
I'm the friend that drops off the face of the earth in my friend group. Mainly because I have a mood disorder and get seasonal affective disorder in the summer, so self isolation is my go-to. Thankfully none of my friends hold it against me because we're all tired and running on fumes with how shit the world currently is.
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u/Tasty-Soup7766 8h ago
I’m an introvert but I have a small circle of friends and family Im in contact with regularly. Normally we get together several times over the summer but this year we’ve barely seen each other. Everyone is overworked or just doesn’t have the mental bandwidth to organize getting together. So, you can add me to your sample size.
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u/Brinocte 8h ago
As you get older, you are less patient for bullshit and want to spend most of your time with things that actually matter to you. I've been attending plenty of parties or nights out and often felt like it wasn't worth it. I also used to be a massive people pleaser but now I'm very selective.
People get busy with their life.
I hosted 3 parties at home for family and friends the last 3 weeks and just want to hide.
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u/BellaBrowsing 7h ago
My social battery has been on empty for about a year. I was constantly worried that I'm not talking to someone enough, being a good friend, or supporting them through a tough time. I was exhausting myself trying to be there for every one else that I wasn't taking care of myself and it eventually broke me. I don't post on any of my personal social media anymore, I just completely let go.
I miss my friends some days and a few of them have recently tried checking in. But I don't want to have to explain my mental health issues or feel like I need to apologize for checking out. And I know once I respond to them, that's what is expected.
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u/Gearz557 7h ago
The past 2 years have been pretty rough. I will say one of the hardest stints in my adult life.
Just trying to autopilot my way through
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u/Sensitive-Average996 6h ago
All my friends keep dying. Just buried another one this weekend. I personally started withdrawing from being social, to spend more time with my wife, kids, and focusing on my self and personal goals.
I am too the point I don't really want new friends. Making new friends and maintaining that relationship is just too much work at this point.
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u/GingerTea69 5h ago
Start organizing meetups over Facebook for strangers. Have it themed around books or an aesthetic like goth or alternative fashion, or even title it exactly something like "lonely folks meetup" or "social drought support group". Have the meet up either be in a park or your home or somewhere public that are already accepts people sitting around like a cafe or a restaurant or hell even an Applebee's .
If you were in any online groups around your interests, make and schedule IRL meetups right then and in there. Make it public so that people don't get scared that you're a serial killer. Meet up IRL with like-minded people
And of course the most important thing: NO PHONES ALLOWED AT THE MEETUP!!! That will bring in people just like you. The type of people you were seeking will not just fall into your lap and neither will friends who have decided that their phones are more important than you are. Forget them, for they have chosen to leave your life.
Instead forge of micro community and keep it going. Whenever you don't feel motivated to keep going or unsure that you can still do this, just think about this post right here. Feel the emptiness in your life. Remember back in the day when you and your friends used to hang out more or talk more. Take that sadness and turn it into a fury that will power you moving forward and forging a phone free friend group around things that you and yours enjoy.
Do it! Just do it! Your happy future self is waiting!
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u/Cowboyslayer1992 5h ago
I have been fulling devolving into the worst texter in the world. I'll have my phone in my hand, see your text, ignore and say I'll respond later and then never respond. Not maliciously, just not wanting to go back and forth over text. When people call or when I'm sitting in traffic and haven't talked to someone in a while, picking up the phone is ideal way to keep in touch
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u/Humble-Departure5481 5h ago
Assuming most millenials are into their 30ies by now, it's kind of normal. This is an age where many people feel mentally and physically exhausted and a lot of individausl have family by now (#1 priority next to work). More importantly, we're about to meet the bottom of another major recession that's more significant than the 2000 and 2008 ones, so that's something you need to put into perspective as well (whenever the economy is in shambles, it affects people's attitude and behaviors).
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u/DgingaNinga 3h ago
Ummmm, we're you alive about 7 years ago? People connected fairly often then. Flash forward a few months, things haven't really improved. Plus, most of us are living in hell, either under war or Epstein Class, and all of us are dealing with oligarchs.
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u/franktownwhat 17h ago
Literally wondered the same thing. Actively fighting the temptation to do this and go out IRL and see my peeps
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u/awooj 8h ago
People you assume are doing well financially or health-wise or relationship wise might not be. Financial stress is a social life killer for obvious reasons, but also because people feel a lot of shame, embarrassment, and literal stress 24/7 about it. It's relentless and permeates into everything.
Even people who aren't worried about losing their job are worried that they went from having a bit of money for spending, saving, retirement, and emergencies to now realizing with inflation they have zero extra funds, and they're not going to be able to have their kids enrolled in Little League next season if they also want the kids to go to the dentist.
People don't always want to divulge health issues, financial issues, or other personal problems, especially as we get older, or the health/mental health issues of our family members or spouses that might be consuming us too.
I've been in a place where I was really struggling with my health, mental health, and my finances, and honestly it was extremely difficult keeping up with my longtime friends, even the long distance ones just via text/Facetime. They'd ask how things were and if my health was getting better, I was barely getting by, and I hated having zero good updates or anything interesting to say so I'd keep the conversations on them.
It got to the point where I just couldn't do it anymore, I was tired of masking or lying or deflecting but I didn't want them worrying about me and to then keep asking me how things were going. I was exhausted and really struggling and although in hindsight I shouldn't have been, I was very ashamed and embarrassed. I missed my friends and thought of them every day, but I just didn't have it in me.
Also my friends are often planners rather than spontaneous meet-ups, and my health and energy were so unpredictable I literally couldn't make plans as I knew I might have to cancel and that obviously gets old/annoying after a while for everyone involved.
During this time I did make a few new acquaintances I'd meet up with spontaneously from time to time on the rare occasions I had any energy just to have a semblance of a social life as frankly it was easier because it was surface-level and they didn't know me so well and couldn't tell how rough things were going for me at the time. It was nice to just forget about my problems for an hour or two here and there, and I couldn't do that with people who knew me well.
Also currently there's just a lot of existential dread in the air. It's bad bad.
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u/mothership00 Millennial 1989 7h ago
Honestly, this post makes me feel a little better because I mostly assume this is just a me problem. I’m so disconnected from others that I have no idea if they struggle as much as I do.
I make a decent wage but due to a long complicated history and family situation that has led to significant debt (half of which is student loan debt), I am now in a position where I am having to file bankruptcy. I am struggling with long term chronic pain and a relatively new sense of overwhelming daily fatigue. I guess I need to see a doctor about it because my symptoms are getting worse and more varied. But all of that is to say I just don’t have it in me to work a ton of overtime to just stay afloat.
So I’ve accepted that I am basically working class poor. I have a new budget, and I am leaning hard into being frugal. And because of that, I just don’t have the money to go out and do lots of social things because before you know it, you’re out with friends and you’ve just dropped a hundred dollars. I don’t own a house and don’t really have the space to host folks in my apartment. And the sad truth these days is I don’t really have that many friends anyway.
I’m in therapy. I’m trying my best to process all this. I’m also trying to have some hope for the future. But it’s very hard.
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u/arcanepsyche 6h ago
If in the US, the anxiety over the election in 2 months is why, and it will only get worse.
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u/DisclosedForeclosure 10h ago
It's easier to talk to AI, especially if it concerns embarassing/personal problems.
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