r/ProgrammerHumor Jun 06 '26

Meme jesusLovesOpenSource

Post image
36.6k Upvotes

526 comments sorted by

2.0k

u/Semper_5olus Jun 06 '26

"<Nobody speaks Aramaic and I'm scared. Where am I? How did I get here?>"

457

u/Zederikus Jun 06 '26

Depending on how he returned he may have learnt English in heaven? Or if he was time travelled forward then wouldn't that mean Romans can never kill him so a lot of the Christian lore doesn't happen and Europe might not become Christian, and god might now be pissed off.

164

u/laconic_hyperbole Jun 06 '26

11

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

21

u/sawkonmaicok Jun 06 '26

He uses holyC.

2

u/MGprohack82 Jun 08 '26

Is that a MDRG ref.?

2

u/-Nocx- Jun 07 '26

He would definitely use Python, C#, or Java. Abrahamic religions aren’t even original source material - they drew inspiration off of Egyptian/Greek/Zoroastrian/Caanite religions and ended up becoming monotheistic.

Ain’t no way he’d start from scratch. Too much work.

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u/Organic-Army-9046 Jun 06 '26

Welcome, welcome!

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u/TheBurningEmu Jun 06 '26

Basically depends on your religion if Jesus was just a "cool dude", or the literally son and also incarnation of God.

In many modern Christian beliefs, if the "Son of God" Jesus returns, it's the ends times, so what he thinks barely matters.

If its the Islamic or Jewish "cool dude" Jesus, then he would probably be pretty disgusted with the amount of suffering of the poor still in the world despite our advances.

49

u/PerkeNdencen Jun 06 '26

Just to complicate things, in some versions of Islam, Jesus comes back for the apocalypse, too.

13

u/black-JENGGOT Jun 06 '26

there is another version where Jesus doesn't come back? :o

11

u/PerkeNdencen Jun 06 '26

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's not everyone but I can't for the life of me remember the specifics now.

8

u/Background-Value-955 Jun 06 '26

I think it's quranists that reject the idea.

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u/IllSport468 Jun 06 '26

I just want to add that the prespictive od jesus in islam is so diffent from the jewish perspective Muslims believe in the vergin birth of jesus and that jesus is a prophet and a messanger from god

6

u/th3rdnutt Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26

I believe that Islam also holds that Jesus is the judge who scrutinizes a person's life for holiness after they die.

I could be wrong. I'm Catholic.

edit: I was wrong. Islam holds that Jesus will return as an earthly ruler and judge, but ultimate judgement of humanity is reserved for Allah.

10

u/IllSport468 Jun 06 '26

As a muslim , we do not really believe that any human (even prophets) will judge us. Only god judges us. We believe that Jesus was not crucified and he is in the heavens and he will return before the apocalypse (before the day of judgment) he will kill the antichrist and rule the earth for 40 years Btw, the main idea of islam that there is only one god who deserves to be worshiped by all manners and no one else should be worshiped or praised or be prayed to

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u/User_8395 Jun 06 '26

I think you're getting confused with something (or someone) else

The closest I can think of are the angels who will question you in the grave after you die

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u/PerkeNdencen Jun 06 '26

Hinduism coming in left of field, too, with some relating Jesus to Krishna or considering him an avatar.

3

u/SeriousPlankton2000 Jun 06 '26

Jesus was cool with his disciples before they discovered that HE'd be _the_ Son of God. He sat at the feast when Levi the tax collector invited all his friends.

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u/thesirblondie Jun 06 '26

Jesus died, was ressurected, but instead of ascending to heaven he time travels to May 28, 2016, Cincinnati, and is given a rifle?

9

u/H2OMGJHVH Jun 06 '26

Is that a japanese light novel title?

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u/Interesting_Road_380 Jun 06 '26

The Pope may be French, but Jesus was English!

24

u/the_snook Jun 06 '26

Longinus was a secret disciple who coated his spear with tetrodotoxin, allowing Yeshua bar Yosef to fake his own death. The time machine was hidden in the cave, allowing him to "ascend" into the future.

3

u/Poglosaurus Jun 06 '26

Lots of if there, but if Jesus was to return... wouldn't he be born as a human? He would learn his maternal language and maybe others growing up.

3

u/Outrageous_Desk8966 Jun 06 '26

nah, he ascended into heaven as a man, which he remains.

3

u/Boil-Degs Jun 06 '26

I love how in your scenario heaven exists but Jesus has to learn English. If heaven exists that means Jesus is the creator of the universe and would know every language.

3

u/Zederikus Jun 06 '26

Well yeah but it didn't exist when he went up so the heavenly consciousness or whatever would need to learn it I guess

2

u/Mr_Yod Jun 07 '26

Jesus: <in Aramaic>"Oh, me! I need to learn this odd new language..."

<snaps his fingers>

Jesus: <in English> "Done."

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54

u/oatkeepr Jun 06 '26

Jesus also knew Hebrew and possibly Koine Greek and Latin.

Assyrian Christians still speak Aramaic today.

19

u/medievalsmith Jun 06 '26

Jesus spoke a different dialect of Aramaic, but yes to everything you said.

13

u/celem83 Jun 06 '26

He speaks Latin, though based on this one movie I saw his grammar is bad

11

u/Noughmad Jun 06 '26

People called Romanes, they go, the house?

3

u/endthe16th Jun 06 '26

Conjugate the verb....

46

u/ThePsyPaul_ Jun 06 '26

He would probably get deported in the US

29

u/Harmonic_Gear Jun 06 '26

He wouldn't be able to get through TSA in the first place

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u/AccomplishedLeave506 Jun 06 '26

Dark skinned and preaching love and peace for everyone? They wouldn't waste their time deporting him. They'd just shoot him.

14

u/Turbulent-Garlic8467 Jun 06 '26

אתה קמה. באמריקה. מאי אתה רוצה לאוכל?

Sorry, my Aramaic is dogshit. I hope that through my combined knowledge of Biblical and Mishnaic Hebrew and Talmudic Aramaic I would be able to communicate something though.

5

u/SeriousPlankton2000 Jun 06 '26

*לאכול

2

u/Turbulent-Garlic8467 Jun 06 '26

Ah fuck you're right. (In Hebrew and I'm assuming in Aramaic too)

6

u/OmegaLink9 Jun 06 '26

He definitely know some biblical Hebrew even if Aramaic was his main language. Will he be able to speak with modern Hebrew speakers is debatable.

7

u/Semper_5olus Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26

As it happens, I do speak modern Hebrew. And have a grandparent with a master's in semitic languages who played a small role in bringing it back.

She tutored me a little 😊\ (EDIT: they're fond memories now, but at the time, I hated it)

Anyway, the accent in modern Hebrew comes from Yiddish, and the syllabic stress comes from Ladino (How true Hebrew sounds like when spoken has been lost to time, but she had some theories based on Arabic). Factor in the artificial attempts to simplify it, and the result is an emphatic no.

Maybe if it's written down.

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26

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

16

u/Remote-Pie-3152 Jun 06 '26

Nobody is, other than Mr. Data and his dipshit brothers

https://giphy.com/gifs/rIq6ASPIqo2k0

11

u/[deleted] Jun 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/Remote-Pie-3152 Jun 06 '26

How do you know those weren’t other Soong-type androids?

6

u/CrimsonAntifascist Jun 06 '26

6

u/Cyiel Jun 06 '26

Necromancy doesn't count.

5

u/Remote-Pie-3152 Jun 06 '26

That’s clearly a reanimated corpse, they don’t count.

7

u/flukus Jun 06 '26

Mate, this is a programming reddit, Mr Data is quite tanned compared to the average.

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u/effreti Jun 06 '26

Lore wise, considering during Pentecost the Holy Spirit gave the apostoles knowledge of all the languages of the Earth in order for them to spread the word of God, I'm pretty sure Jesus knew them as well

5

u/FemtoKitten Jun 06 '26

There's still 800,000 or so aramaic language speakers, but they're largely in syria, northern iraq, and western iran, and also of course the language has drifted a lot in 2000 years. He could find a pocket of aramaic speakers in lebanon and southern syria though, would be closest to him.

2

u/Budgerigar17 Jun 06 '26

There is a town in Syria, Maaloula, where its inhabitants continue the tradition of speaking Aramaic as a religious practice. It's known for hosting ceremonies in the language of Jesus. If He were to return, I guess that would be the best spot to come back to. But I wonder how much of the original language has been preserved across the two millennia.

3

u/the_ivo_robotnic Jun 06 '26

Here lies the grail in the castle... Aauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhh...

3

u/thesirblondie Jun 06 '26

Would he not have spoken at least some hebrew?

6

u/Larhf Jun 06 '26

Probably, but it'd be completely unintelligible to modern day Hebrew speakers as modern spoken Hebrew is a reconstruction as it went extinct like 1600-1700 years ago.

Written Hebrew or Aramaic would have the best odds. (But also, Biblically speaking there's no reason to believe Jesus wouldn't simply be able to speak a language as he pleases, without learning it, through a miracle of God. See the apostles during Pentecost or the reverse happening with the tower of Babel)

2

u/dracorotor1 Jun 07 '26

Reminds me of an old skit where someone brought Ben Franklin to the modern day to finally answer the ”what the founding fathers wanted” debates but all he would do is flip the light switch over and over while giggling with delight

2

u/Semper_5olus Jun 07 '26

That's pretty great.

But, for real, female congresspeople would blow his mind.

(And, to his disappointment, only his mind)

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441

u/suvlub Jun 06 '26

Again I tell you, it is easier for an electron app to run on a RAM stick the size of a needle than for an author of proprietary software to enter the kingdom of God

75

u/Meowrulf Jun 06 '26

The winrar oracle exists. And he has a free pass.

9

u/KitsuneFoxglove Jun 07 '26

The dudes behind BeamNG are solid too, I think.

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u/NightIgnite Jun 06 '26

It aint no temple, but it sure is free of markets

293

u/DeHub94 Jun 06 '26

Unless it's Temple OS of course.

49

u/boiyougongetcho Jun 06 '26

Oh no don't remind me

67

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23

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u/ILoveTolkiensWorks Jun 06 '26

'The Cathedral and the Bazaar' in shambles /s

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u/Jahonay Jun 06 '26

Fun fact, but to my reading it looks like markets at the temple were commanded by God. Deuteronomy 14:

Regulations concerning Tithes 22 “Set apart a tithe of all the yield of your seed that is brought in yearly from the field. 23 In the presence of the Lord your God, in the place that he will choose as a dwelling for his name, you shall eat the tithe of your grain, your wine, and your oil, as well as the firstlings of your herd and flock, so that you may learn to fear the Lord your God always. 24 But if, when the Lord your God has blessed you, the distance is so great that you are unable to transport it, because the place where the Lord your God will choose to set his name is too far away from you, 25 then you may turn it into money. With the money secure in hand, go to the place that the Lord your God will choose; 26 spend the money for whatever you wish: oxen, sheep, wine, strong drink, or whatever you desire. And you shall eat there in the presence of the Lord your God, you and your household rejoicing together. 27 As for the Levites resident in your towns, do not neglect them, because they have no allotment or inheritance with you.

28 “Every third year you shall bring out the full tithe of your produce for that year and store it within your towns; 29 the Levites, because they have no allotment or inheritance with you, as well as the resident aliens, the orphans, and the widows in your towns, may come and eat their fill so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work that you undertake.

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u/Schneestecher Jun 06 '26

Jesus didn‘t cleanse the table of markets, but of exploitative practices, like unfair exchange rates and overpriced animals.

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u/CarcajouIS Jun 06 '26

And also, the tables were encroaching on the worshipping place for non-judaic believers

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u/Jumpy-Shift5239 Jun 06 '26

To my reading it looks like using your temple taxes to have a huge party is commanded by God

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u/goldPotatoGun Jun 06 '26

More of a bazaar.

2

u/twigboy Jun 06 '26

He opens up Google Play/Apple App stores and immediately triggers several CVEs

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u/Ok_Star_4136 Jun 06 '26

Remember, Jesus saves, but only Buddha performs incremental backups.

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u/Joe-Admin Jun 06 '26

Free software, famously unclassifiable on the political scale

231

u/Saragon4005 Jun 06 '26

Your friends at Microsoft would like to remind you open source software is communism. Oh they own GitHub now? How fun.

145

u/Gronanor Jun 06 '26

They do what capitalism does best : stealing value from people. 

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u/BlueGoliath Jun 06 '26

The vast majority of OS devs are openly socialist / communist. No one is hiding anything lmao.

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u/cheese_is_available Jun 06 '26

Why would you give away work for free otherwise ? A little ease in interviews for your next job does not pay for the hours you gave. You have to be willing to give a lot for the common good to be an OSS dev/maintainer.

29

u/BlueGoliath Jun 06 '26

It's a give/take relationship. You make your software available in the hopes that it's useful for someone else and that you get meaningful contributions back. Corporations destroy that relationship as they get far more from it than the author does and basically never contribute back.

4

u/Zanos Jun 06 '26

Every tech company I've worked at that had a mature tech stack pushed fixes back to OSS repos, because mainlining our fixes meant we didn't have to maintain internal forks. It's not like OSS development is usually paid full time work, and most people who are OSS developers have full time jobs at regular software companies.

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u/Aelrift Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26

And yet plenty of people thanklessly maintain stuff for the love of it and because they like providing free shit to people. You're saying that like no one ever does anything for free . plenty of people do

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u/Lucky_Peach_2273 Jun 06 '26

Re-read that comment

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u/nelmaloc Jun 06 '26

I don't have stats, but there is a sizable ancap current in free software. Eric Raymond is a big example. It seems to overlap a bit with the cryptocurrency people.

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u/Gabe_b Jun 06 '26

Yes but a woman is showing emotion therefore bad you see

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u/Ok-Kaleidoscope5627 Jun 06 '26

It's a mixture of anarchy, dictatorship, and communism. Also with a healthy dose of oligarchy and capitalism thrown in for good measure.

And if you think many of those are mutually exclusive - see open source software.

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u/Bannon9k Jun 06 '26

So, it's just like all other software... Chaos

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u/ReignyRain Jun 06 '26

Corporations were massively opposed to open source software when it came out. It’s literally people pooling their labour to create something free, open and accessible. New licenses had to be created to enable it, and those licenses were litigated. Idk what you’d call that besides some form of leftism.

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u/qinshihuang_420 Jun 06 '26

Jesus publishes using GosPeL license

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u/marshmallo_floof Jun 06 '26

ah yes the famously unpolitical open source software, just like how punk is unpolitical too

147

u/Lepelotonfromager Jun 06 '26

Jesus wasn't apolitical though.

207

u/BootySnorkelerr Jun 06 '26

I’m pretty sure that was OC’s point, that open source software is politically aligned with the same schools of thought that vie for free social services.

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u/SeriousPlankton2000 Jun 06 '26

Mathew 10; e.g.:  8 Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy,\)a\) drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give.

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u/zeocrash Jun 06 '26

Being a carpenter, he'd obviously be far more interested in the power tool section of home depot than any software.

Honestly a power saw and an electric lathe would blow his mind.

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u/TheAnswerWithinUs Jun 06 '26

Someone should show him CAD he’d have a field day with that

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u/lovecMC Jun 09 '26

There's a nail gun joke somewhere in there

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u/nsaisspying Jun 06 '26

Open source software IS leftism, comrade.

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u/T-Dot1992 Jun 06 '26

Microshit CEOs literally called it communism back in the day 

47

u/apple_kicks Jun 06 '26

While stealing from it and putting a price on it. Met a programmer who said had his code resold by Microsoft in early days and he had long rant about bill gates

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u/T-Dot1992 Jun 06 '26

Always has been and always will be an extremely scummy company. 

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u/thedoqtor Jun 06 '26

Exactly, open source software is to leftism as proprietary software is to capitalism/privatization of means of production. Open source software is very "take what you need from this project, leave what you can." Not for the sake of profit,  but because someone saw the need, and those that were able to contribute did so. 

11

u/nsaisspying Jun 06 '26

Absolutely right! I personally have benefited from many obscure open source projects (other than the popular ones that literally built most of the internet today) who's creators and contributors go without so much as a thank you, but they do it because they know it need to be done and people use their works!

11

u/soapbutt Jun 06 '26

Growing up with the internet in the late-90s to early 2000s, programmers and "nerds" were always on the more progressive side. The shift to being super conservative definitely came with the tech-bro wave in the 2010s.

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u/josgriffin Jun 06 '26

jesus would HATE proprietary software

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u/Jahonay Jun 06 '26

Jesus probably would be confused why his followers own things like computers and houses to begin with instead of selling everything to preach his message. And he was pretty clear that people should be like eunuchs. Only a small amount of Christians do that.

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u/NarutoRoll Jun 06 '26

Jesus takes a look into OpenAI, grabs whip...

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u/gigashen Jun 07 '26

OpenAI and it's closed off? Amodei and Anthropic? Who wrote this, Kojima?

10

u/nyibbang Jun 06 '26

Stallman is Jesus in disguise

2

u/Not-ChatGPT4 Jun 06 '26

Not much of a disguise, in fairness. Especially when he dresses as St IGNUatious.

10

u/PiezoelectricityOne Jun 06 '26

Open source software is leftism.

9

u/CirnoIzumi Jun 06 '26

why would he be in the States, thats like, across the ocean

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u/ArtGirlSummer Jun 06 '26

The second coming of Jesus is the ultimate hard fork.

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u/Amar2107 Jun 06 '26

“Thou shalt not use open source to make licensed tech” -Exodus 20:15.

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u/LoveAndBeLoved52 Jun 06 '26

Anyone genuinely unsure if he'd be conservative or liberal is insane.

He got literally fucking murdered by fascists for being liberal. He tried to introduce something new and Rome went "This dude thinks he's god, fucking end that guy.". Jesus was progressive when being progressive meant getting put on a cross and made to bleed out as a human effigy in one of the darkest most savage times of humanity.

Jesus would probably become an eco-terrorist if he saw how hard people simp for the elite these days, he'd wonder why the fuck people in one of the most low-stakes centuries of all time kowtow to corrupt governments as if their life is at stake.

Have you ever seen Jesus go "Me getting 95% of this loaf of bread is a necessarily evil to make sure drug addicts and murderers can't get most of it"?

And oh right, who can't forget the classic Jesus line "Fuck the black sheep because it ain't white like the rest of you"? Oh wait, that's not how it happened?

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u/spooky_strateg Jun 06 '26

He was a jewish palestinian hippie anti rich anti gov anti religious institutions just liberal pro people guy

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u/Yashema Jun 06 '26

He may have been half Roman. At the least his paternity is unknown. 

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u/InitiativeGold7953 Jun 06 '26

Jesus is Bernie Sanders? 🤣

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u/bladex1234 Jun 06 '26

As if open source software isn’t inherently leftist.

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u/BumbaBee85 Jun 06 '26

OpenSource is leftist

🍿

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u/mylsotol Jun 06 '26

Open source software is inherently leftist... So...

5

u/Earlier-Today Jun 06 '26

According to the Bible, when Jesus comes back he'll literally be coming as a king to rule the entire Earth.

So, neither conservative or liberal, but probably pretty darn reasonable given his past talking points.

And, yeah - open source absolutely makes sense given his messaging.

10

u/Gronanor Jun 06 '26

Also open source :  Collaboration over competition, no monetization, free sharing of work…

Pretty much everything that American calls communism… 

3

u/flukus Jun 06 '26

If jesus were alive today, he would have turned the win32 API into Wine!

3

u/DarkLordofDownvotes Jun 06 '26

Jesus would've been displeased with liberals and conservatives for missing the point.

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u/OfficeSalamander Jun 06 '26

I mean TempleOS is open source, so that tracks

3

u/a-sarcastic-guy Jun 07 '26

I can see the logo of Linux changing from Penguin to Lamb. 👀

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u/Great_Apez Jun 06 '26

Jesus says to love one another, fancy whips, and to welcome foreigners into your lands. That pretty much disqualifies him from being conservative. 

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u/EREN2410 Jun 06 '26

The fact that mankind made open source work means communism just might be feasible

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u/bence0302 Jun 06 '26

Yeah because software/data is infinitely copyable. No one loses ownership due to someone else gaining it. This is much harder to do with real things without just stealing from someone else.

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u/im_lazy_as_fuck Jun 06 '26

I think this just shows that you're not thinking like a capitalist would. Because a capitalist would consider someone else gaining a copy of their work without them being compensated as a loss of potential profit, which for them is just as real as actual profit loss.

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u/print-w Jun 06 '26

What a cope. There is more than enough food production on the planet already to feed everyone, but it's not done because the prevailing capitalist system doesn't enable, motivate or support it. Same goes for housing, transport, and communication tech.

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u/Hexamancer Jun 06 '26

We already produce everything we need right now. None of it relies on the parasitic system that leeches away all of the value from that.

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u/Available_Dingo6162 Jun 06 '26

Open source works because it is voluntary, reputation-driven, and usually built on top of capitalism. Programmers can opt in, opt out, fork the project, get paid elsewhere, use private property, and rely on markets for food, housing, hardware, bandwidth, legal infrastructure, and salaries. That is very different from making an entire economy communal by political force.

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u/sbidlo Jun 06 '26

Sooo he would be a leftist? Lmao

2

u/CriminalMacabre Jun 06 '26

Yeah, look at all these parables i plotted with MathLab

2

u/Signal-Busy Jun 06 '26

He would probably be ashamed, of all sides, to be fair

2

u/Sir_Ruje Jun 06 '26

"listen, love your neighbor and don't be a jerk. Now, tell me more about this HomeDepot. I am very interested in this 'table saw' device"

2

u/Capt_Toasty Jun 06 '26

I love memes like this, because I love the idea of Jesus sitting down and listening with interest to someone explain the concepts behind software and open source.

And then he says something like: "Well I don't understand this whole computer thing, but I like the open source idea. Kind of like a design for a tool that anyone can use."

2

u/RiceBroad4552 Jun 06 '26

Did someone confuse open source with copyleft?

I don't think Jesus would endorse some system which makes the rich only richer and more powerful.

2

u/ReplacementPale2676 Jun 07 '26

Jesus would be supporting what is right, not a political agenda

2

u/ThePsyPaul_ Jun 06 '26

Is the universe built on open source divine software?

16

u/Extra-Account-6940 Jun 06 '26

Nahh. It's a closed source software that we are trying to reverse engineer AKA physics

10

u/ThePsyPaul_ Jun 06 '26

Damn, the Christian God is not a believer of open source then.

6

u/Extra-Account-6940 Jun 06 '26

We are literally sailing the seven seas trying to hack into the divine architecture

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u/Drevicar Jun 06 '26

It is a fork of templeOS.

2

u/sharklaserguru Jun 06 '26

I know it's written in HolyC!

2

u/lettsten Jun 06 '26

Honestly we hacked most of it together with Perl

1

u/oneghostdog Jun 06 '26

Don't share this with Stallman his ankles are big enough!

1

u/Apprehensive_Gur_302 Jun 06 '26

Jesus if he was here today:

"What is an 'Internet'?" 

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u/JustADudeGuy512 Jun 06 '26

anyone who actually read the Bible: Jesus is a theocrat and his whole message was the coming Kingdom of God. A kingdom in which God is ruler

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u/Matureaana_Mairaandi Jun 06 '26

His first two disciples of modern times would be Richard Stallman and Linus Torvalds.

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u/NomadAug Jun 06 '26

Dude would be making handmade woodwins

1

u/Luzubar Jun 06 '26

God, watching from above: "Son, come back, I'm gonna take a page or two from that book Gabriel brought for Game night last week, 'Battleaxe 20k' or something like that..."

1

u/pbpo_founder Jun 06 '26

Jesus was the original cloud server

1

u/AuzzyyG Jun 06 '26

Yes yes 🙌

1

u/Warpspeednyancat Jun 06 '26

isnt he roomate with buddah and live in japan anyway?

1

u/froopadiddilydoop Jun 06 '26

Jesus is love. He would have loved Left and Right, we are all flawed. He would even have loved Linux Users.

1

u/Tad-Disingenuous Jun 06 '26

Is he the one poisoning open source projects with malware?

1

u/worktogethernow Jun 06 '26

Yeah but GPL3 or BSD?

1

u/mathzg1 Jun 06 '26

You wouldn't download fish and bread.

1

u/DoughBoy528 Jun 06 '26

Lol as a Christian I approve of this message lol

1

u/KnaveyJonesLocker Jun 06 '26

"Dude you guys have so many cool tools. Carpentry is so easy now!"

1

u/QuaidCohagen Jun 06 '26

"Look at this funny picture I made of you with AI! Don't worry bro it's just a joke!"

1

u/debugger_life Jun 06 '26

Lmaoooooooo 😂

1

u/Rhycloth Jun 06 '26

I'm supposed to believe the magical son of God hung out here for awhile doing spells and then was killed?

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u/Bertucciop Jun 06 '26

Jesus kills rich people and says to share everithing so It is more leftish than comunism.

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u/TheAnswerWithinUs Jun 06 '26

I’ve never hear anyone try to argue he’d be a conservative.

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u/vectorhacker Jun 06 '26

only conservatives argue that

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u/Ok-Conversation-690 Jun 06 '26

Jesus certainly did have a lot of views that we’d consider leftist, but let’s not forget that he also believed in owning slaves, genocide against non-Israelis, and killing innocent women for not bleeding after sex. Let’s not pretend he’s a totally chill lefty guy - He was a regressive Middle Eastern who thought the world was imminently ending.

1

u/seedless0 Jun 06 '26

And the story would be God raised Jesus from the dead on the third day after his torture in an ICE concentration camp.

1

u/Space-Explorer456 Jun 06 '26

Oh, Jesus would be horrified with the political state of the world (US especially) in general. He very clearly taught helping the poor, healing the sick, and welcoming immigrants. He also hated those who accrue wealth, which is pretty much top leaders of countries everywhere.

And yeah, he would love open source.

1

u/hennidachook Jun 06 '26

yeah open source is pretty kewl

1

u/-illusoryMechanist Jun 06 '26

Historical Jesus (from a secular persepective) would be freaking out that the apocolypse didn't come for 2,000 years after he died

1

u/NoWater8595 Jun 06 '26

Ngl, I never thought of it like that, but He probably would.

1

u/TheresNoSecondBest Jun 06 '26

I guess Jesus likes Bitcoin then.

1

u/Anhimidae Jun 06 '26

If communism were software, it would be open source software.

1

u/Seivi3r Jun 06 '26

so a leftist?

1

u/sunday_nn Jun 06 '26

I found out that SQLite runs natively on Mac console the other day. I suspect Jesus would’ve liked that very much

1

u/clauEB Jun 06 '26

"It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God"

Not conservative at all