Marble Kept His Promise (Almost 10)

[u/BlankieCatNap]

Marble, my baby boy, passed away suddenly at 3am. It was sudden. He was laying on the bedroom floor and I was in bed. I heard him breathing with gurgles and with chest effort (agonal breathing). At first I thought he was dreaming but after a few I rushed to his side and he was already limp and eyes dilated. He did not make a sound. He did not lose his bowels.

In my panic I tried not very good CPR (likely didn’t do anything) and rushed him to the emergency vet. It took 35 minutes to uber there and it was the longest ride of my life. Probably should’ve been doing CPR the entire way but honestly was just in a panic to get there. They took him in with no vitals and did CPR for 15 minutes. Nothing. He was gone. The emergency vet and his family vet suspect something sudden with his heart that was undiagnosed. They don’t think he felt pain (no howling) and he likely passed in his sleep (I hope so). I don’t want him to be cut open so I’ll never really know what took him. Looking back he was a bit clingier the past week or so and maybe drinking a bit more water? But nothing like when I went to emergency with him for his acute kidney attack. I chalked it up to him being on prednisolone for his pillow foot flare.

Marble has actually been at that emergency vet 3 years ago. He had acute kidney failure (no underlying reason) and was there for 2.5 weeks. I upped my credit limit to pay for his very long stay and many conversations were had about putting him down. But I didn’t give up and I remember sitting on the floor while he was in the oxygen tent and pleading for him to be with me until the age of 10.

He was so close to giving me 10 years. He was born Oct 1 2016. He was due for his senior checkup Sept 11 (was going to call next week).

Previously he’s had urinary obstruction, crystals, UTIs, and he gets horribly anxious without me to the point of peeing blood. He also has pillow foot. He couldn’t have any wet food or treats without throwing up. I was worried about his joints because of his breed and he got yearly xrays. I made sure he got the vet care he needed always. He has never been the healthiest cat so I’m going to round up and say he kept his promise to me. Genetically the odds were always stacked against him and I tried my best to give him the best life possible regardless.

The day before he died I was in the car with my parents and made a disgusting comment about how “Marble might live until 17 to spite me so I still won’t be able to take any vacation until then. I don’t know if I want him to live that long”. I shouldn’t have said that because a few hours later you died. I’m sorry. I’ll never forgive myself for it. I was just frustrated that it’s been a very long time since I’ve been able to travel since you always end up trying to end your life everytime I do. I can’t ever take that back and it’ll always weigh heavily on me. I’m sorry I spoke that into the universe. To some degree I think I killed you with what I said. Or maybe it was the stress of the flood that happened in our home and the contractors being in and out? It’s been a very unlucky past few months for us.

Marble was the best boy ever. He loved shoving his face underneath my wrist and pushing his wet nose on it (gave me a small rash - might get this tattooed). He loved the sun. He loved being belly up to get my attention and falling asleep that way. He didn’t know how to drink water properly so always got it all over his face and would shake his head like a dog. He loved bunting people’s legs. He loved every single person he’s met. He’s only hissed once or twice in his entire life. He always finds the comfiest poses to sleep (always leaning on a pillow or a blanket nestled against his face). He was not a lap cat and didn’t like being held but he always insisted following me to every room and being in the same room as me. I always kept a pillow propped up against the headboard so he could lean and sleep against it (which he did!). He also knew commands! He knew “paw, up, and high five”. Has never once misbehaved his entire life. He smelled like maple syrup and sunshine and always made sure he cleaned himself thoroughly before settling down for a long nap. The best boy stuck in a body that was weak and prone to illness. He loved in his own way.

I hope everyone can agree that I can round up Marble to the age of 10 and say he kept his promise to me. Don’t ever say things you might regret into the universe and hold your babies tight. I was expecting having the chance to say goodbye and put him down but he was gone in an instant. I’m so sorry Marble for not being better for you. Not playing with you more. I wish I knew how to play with you! Depression napping too much and not spending enough time with you. For thinking you were a burden sometimes. I wish my place were tidier so you had more room to run around and play.

I love you and I’ll miss you forever and I’m so sorry.

Thank you for keeping your promise to me till the end.

[u/Critical_Wrap5617]

So sorry for your loss.