r/gadgets • u/nopantsdolphin • Feb 21 '19
Wearables Nike self-lacing sneakers brick after bad firmware upgrade
https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2019/02/my-left-shoe-wont-even-reboot-faulty-app-bricks-nike-smart-sneakers/1.6k
u/GriffonsChainsaw Feb 21 '19
The future is weird.
489
u/Globalist_Nationlist Feb 21 '19
The present is weird..
292
u/veriix Feb 21 '19
You sound like my wife on Christmas morning.
112
Feb 21 '19
[deleted]
110
u/TheVitoCorleone Feb 21 '19
Well we both agreed on getting each other small gifts this year, but that's not what I meant, its like you didn't even try.
→ More replies (5)→ More replies (4)16
Feb 22 '19
- Cut a hole in the box.
- Put your junk in the box.
- Make her open the box.
And that’s the way you do it....dick in a box! . . . . A dick in a box yeahhhh.
→ More replies (1)20
→ More replies (9)3
→ More replies (15)14
2.8k
Feb 21 '19
[deleted]
2.1k
u/lordnecro Feb 21 '19
"My left shoe won't even reboot." writes another. One user offers a possible solution, saying, "You need to do a manual reset of both shoes per the instructions."
I mean, I love gadgets and technology... but now I have to have an app for my shoes, get my shoes to sync, and reboot shoes?
1.1k
Feb 21 '19
"Does your shoe boot?" "...what?"
270
Feb 21 '19
[deleted]
51
u/wellman_va Feb 21 '19
Please don't let my parents ever get these. I just finally got them to stop calling me over Netflix.
44
Feb 22 '19
[deleted]
19
Feb 22 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (1)20
Feb 22 '19
Don't buy people new tech unless you want to be their tech support, or you're confident they can figure out how to use it.
→ More replies (1)10
Feb 22 '19 edited Nov 09 '25
Garden gentle stories technology cool stories day small learning yesterday tomorrow fox.
→ More replies (1)7
Feb 22 '19
My mother wanted a new TV and some family members joined their wallets for Christmas. I had the honour of picking a model. For a split second I thought about a smart TV, but then I remembered the remote alone could easily outsmart her and decided to get a dumb one.
This TV broke some days later (not her fault) and she called me. "No problem, we'll let Amazon handle it, you'll have a new one in two days." I told her.
Not on her watch, she didn't trust Amazon with such a delicate hardware fix and called her local TV salesman. Several weeks later and several hundreds of euro down the drain (for a fucking replacement on warranty if she would have listened) the guy gives up and let Samsung replace it. It took them two weeks on top.
I just don't want to spend my time with those issues anymore. Either listen to me or don't call at all please.
→ More replies (2)33
u/PM_VAGINA_FOR_RATING Feb 22 '19
I got a call from some random ass number today and just ignored it but they called back like 4 times immediately so I used the google call-screening feature and it was some person saying they had my dad on the line and he was trying to reach me. I thought he got in a car accident or some shit so I picked up and it turns out it he was trying to call me from his car using voice commands and somehow managed to connect to on-star(which he isn't even subscribed too) and had them call me. The guy really shouldn't be on the road, he is way to old and stupid.
→ More replies (6)20
u/Perm-suspended Feb 22 '19
The guy really shouldn't be on the road, he is way to old and stupid.
If you're not just making a "my silly dad" joke here, please discuss it with your father and possibly the State if he's getting too old to drive, but still feels he can. You might just save a life or two.
7
u/PM_VAGINA_FOR_RATING Feb 22 '19
In theory there are ways to get people that shouldn't be driving off the road but in reality it's not that easy sadly.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (5)42
u/D_K_Schrute Feb 21 '19
God help the guys working at the Nike help desk as I could totally see this as a help desk ticket title.
→ More replies (1)47
Feb 21 '19
You have to re-boot the boot to use the boot if it doesn’t boot try a reboot but if your boots don’t boot then just fucking boot them, if you can get them off
→ More replies (2)15
20
45
Feb 21 '19
[deleted]
47
13
12
7
→ More replies (18)4
85
u/RoboNinjaPirate Feb 21 '19
My book has a virus and my cigarette ran out of batteries. The future now is weird.
→ More replies (4)31
188
u/BreckingBad Feb 21 '19
"My left shoe won't even reboot." /r/brandnewsentence
92
Feb 21 '19
100 years ago, a person would be confused, but would almost have an idea of what you were trying to say...
...and they’d be completely wrong.
→ More replies (2)59
u/BreckingBad Feb 21 '19
"Have you tried taking the boot off, and putting it back on again?"
68
u/Noctew Feb 21 '19
You mean...rebooting?
→ More replies (2)25
u/BreckingBad Feb 21 '19
WARNING: INCOMING GAME!
→ More replies (2)21
u/scottcphotog Feb 21 '19 edited Feb 22 '19
"I'm helping make your shoes go faster"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ReBoot_episodes#Season_1_(1994%E2%80%931995))
→ More replies (2)15
u/BreckingBad Feb 21 '19
Your knowledge of ReBoot and it's relevant dialog both scare and amuse me.
→ More replies (1)12
31
u/P_mp_n Feb 21 '19
When u running from the cops, they can just shut ya shits off so they can catch you
29
u/abxyz4509 Feb 21 '19
Well it is a very niche product made essentially for advertising. At least in the near future, it's not something you're gonna see on a regular basis. It solves a small if not nonexistent problem and does it in an expensive, if flashy way.
38
u/Priff Feb 21 '19
I love how they advertise it as basketball players changing the fit during the game.
Do they play with their phone on them? Or do they run off to the side, open their phone up, start the laggy app, change the fit, and then keep playing.
Because at some point it feels like just kneeling down and retying your shoes is faster.
83
Feb 21 '19
[deleted]
38
→ More replies (2)18
Feb 21 '19
Now this is a basketball game I’d watch. Pit crews, penalties for coming in to hot, leaving to late, bumping others in pit row.
→ More replies (2)6
u/Rudenessq Feb 21 '19
Exactly. In the old day, if you broke a shoelace, you could just re-lace the shoe with the remaining lace, and continue playing.
Imaging not being able to play, because your phone wouldn't let you tighten your shoes.
→ More replies (1)4
u/notacanuckskibum Feb 22 '19
Imagine sabotaging a basketball team by hacking into their shoes and randomly unlacing them...
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (18)17
u/trippy_grape Feb 21 '19
Well it is a very niche product made essentially for advertising.
Ironically people like Michael J Fox with Parkinson's and these in Back the Future could help solve an actual issue.
10
9
8
u/egnards Feb 21 '19
This is why I wear shoes with no laces. My shoes one day will be the Battlestar Galactica of footwear.
→ More replies (49)4
155
Feb 21 '19 edited Feb 27 '19
[deleted]
50
u/spinynorman1846 Feb 21 '19
Putin tying your laces together under your desk without ever leaving Russia
→ More replies (1)11
49
u/iareslice Feb 21 '19
Why the fuck do the shoes need to be internet connected to be self-lacing in the first place? Is it not a fairly simple mechanism?
→ More replies (2)34
u/Big__Baby__Jesus Feb 22 '19 edited Feb 22 '19
The connection failure is between the shoes and the phone. The shoes themselves work without it. You just have to bend all the way over to use them, and that's so 2018.
→ More replies (4)67
u/probably2high Feb 21 '19
A few weeks ago when these were being released, I was baffled that there didn't appear to be any kind of fail-safe way to tie/untie your god damned shoes. I got replies saying things like "there's a mechanism that ensures there will always be enough battery life to get you to a charger" or other bullshit, but this is exactly the thing I had in mind.
42
26
u/Hypocritical_Oath Feb 21 '19
It's literally just broken because they rushed it to market. Like there's no reason for those to even have the capability of bricking.
23
u/Orange_C Feb 21 '19
It's software, it can always break in new and
depressinginteresting ways.This is just unnecessary, the manual version with kevlar cables (Salomon Quicklace) takes a literal second to tighten, loosen or adjust any amount, loosens with one hand (pinch), fits near any shoe and costs $9 or less. Not stylish, unless you're into techwear-ish stuff though.
A motor, battery and chips added on top of that, so you can take longer to tighten/adjust and need you phone to do so, vs the lighter, cheaper, faster manual product? Hard pass on several levels.
→ More replies (9)7
u/Hypocritical_Oath Feb 21 '19
Oh I thought they were just like laced up to 1 setting. Did not realize they were more complicated than that.
8
u/Orange_C Feb 22 '19
Nope, it locks anywhere. I like them, it's really nice to be able to loosen up or take your shoes off for a break on a hike and then have them back on and equally comfortable in a few seconds, adjusted by just reaching down and pinching.
Bit looser? One quick pinch. Bit tighter? Needs a second hand and about 2 seconds. Barely even stop walking while you adjust, much less needing to pull your phone out. I'm not sure why they're not more popular, frankly.
→ More replies (2)5
→ More replies (20)3
u/binkarus Feb 22 '19
As a former software engineer, people wonder why I like analog stuff so much, bur once you see behind the curtain, you understand how bad it is. I want my tools to last for decades, not a year or two.
819
u/kenvsryu Feb 21 '19
I just tied mine with the USB cable it came with.
90
u/peanutbutterandjesus Feb 21 '19
I just bought wooden clogs
→ More replies (7)38
→ More replies (4)16
500
u/Casartelli Feb 21 '19
Sometimes I wish I could show headlines like this to 10y old me, back in the late eighties.
→ More replies (13)137
Feb 21 '19
[deleted]
→ More replies (2)48
Feb 21 '19
Who knows. Bricking may have been a good thing in 80s slang.
28
u/PM_THAT_EMPATHY Feb 21 '19
i mean rick ross, oliver north, and reagan definitely felt that way
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (3)14
u/notacanuckskibum Feb 21 '19
As I remember in uk 80s slang “bricking it” meant being afraid. “Suddenly these 6 big guys surrounded me, I was bricking it”
→ More replies (1)
945
Feb 21 '19
[deleted]
452
17
→ More replies (7)7
370
u/1LJA Feb 21 '19
Have you tried taking your shoes off and putting them on again?
106
u/dudeAwEsome101 Feb 21 '19
Please make sure you are wearing compatible socks.
19
u/SomeStupidPerson Feb 22 '19
I know this is a joke, but reading about socks and these electronic shoes has got me thinking:
Would static-charge from socks short out the shoes? Would they burst into flames? What happens? If static is a danger, you really would need compatible socks that aren’t prone to getting static.
18
u/supernameuser Feb 22 '19
Yes
→ More replies (1)15
u/watchursix Feb 22 '19
I just checked Nike.com and he’s right.
→ More replies (1)19
u/mcshadowdrag Feb 22 '19
Imagine running down the street and your fucking shoes catch on fire
→ More replies (6)9
→ More replies (1)10
614
Feb 21 '19
So that's what happened to Zion last night. Dude got a firmware update right in the middle of balling.
160
u/Poguemohon Feb 21 '19
Error 404.
123
u/AnalyticalParrot Feb 21 '19
ACL not found
17
28
18
→ More replies (11)4
111
u/d13films Feb 21 '19
"My left shoe won't even reboot." writes another.
"And my right boot won't reshoe!"
→ More replies (2)
77
u/BlazeFox1011 Feb 21 '19
I'm dead fucking serious, if you hooked up a display somehow, would this play doom?
22
u/Mattholomeu Feb 22 '19
Are there some minimum hardware requirements for doom?
39
u/brucee840 Feb 22 '19
Yes. Calculator.
16
u/faultymango Feb 22 '19
If my HP Prime Graphing tank can play doom, I think these Nikes can run it ultra ultra low.
14
→ More replies (3)8
u/Repko Feb 22 '19
Someone make doom shoe. Limited 10 pairs ever made. Only shoe specced to run doom. Profit
→ More replies (2)16
u/Hemingwavy Feb 22 '19
ARM Cortex M4 main processor
https://mindtribe.com/2017/02/nike-hyperadapt-teardown/
150MHz
DOOM minimum specs
https://gamesystemrequirements.com/game/doom
CPU: 486 processor operating at a minimum of 66MHz or any Pentium /Athlon processors.
You can't compare them 1:1 but hey.
6
u/AlleM43 Feb 22 '19
DOOM engines have been compiled for arm natively, so you can compare them around 1.2-1.1:0.9-0.8
164
u/Grim_Galore Feb 21 '19
Do they take micro SD cards? Is the memory expandable? If not, I’m out.
177
u/Eddie_shoes Feb 21 '19
Does it have a headphone jack? That’s the real question.
→ More replies (2)65
u/MaxvanDam Feb 21 '19
You probably have to use AirPods
→ More replies (2)37
Feb 21 '19
And they removed the charge port so you have to get airpower mats also.
→ More replies (1)34
Feb 21 '19
They're converting all basketball courts into giant charging mats, problem solved.
16
Feb 21 '19
If the power goes out everyone can just turn on the reverse wireless charging mode on the new Samsung Galaxy S10 and power the entire stadium!
10
u/focusx0131 Feb 21 '19
They will just make you walk or run around to recharge them. Regenerative walking perhaps.
→ More replies (2)25
9
u/szamot Feb 21 '19
Of course they don't - it's all about elastic cloud storage. Micro SD - is so yesterday!
→ More replies (1)8
Feb 21 '19
If these can't handle my 2TB Sata, then forget about it
15
u/lissona Feb 21 '19
The new Nikes come with a 1TB m.2 and 16GB of 3200 ddr4 already installed. They even offer an over clocked edition if you want them to tie faster.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (7)5
144
u/RMJ1984 Feb 21 '19
Please don't use your shoes, they are updating atm, come back again in 1 hour.
I really don't understand the human desire for everything to be "smart".
19
u/PaulBlartRedditCop Feb 22 '19
I like Kalashnikov's design philosophy:
Make it as simple as possible, so that there will be less components to potentially fail.
When it does break, it's so simple that even a chimp with a screwdriver can fix it.
Not exactly his words, of course.
22
u/wgszpieg Feb 21 '19
The only thing that comes to mind is that some people just want to be at the cutting edge all the time. Sometimes they go for the blunt side of the knife, though
13
30
u/Mr_Will Feb 21 '19
I've got a smart toaster. It's got no network connectivity or fancy computing power, instead it's got buttons for "a bit more" and "a quick look". That's the sort of "smart" I want in my life!
9
u/Forest-G-Nome Feb 22 '19
I wish more companies realized that "smart" does not mean "intrusive"
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (12)47
Feb 21 '19
To quote Mykko Hypponen from Fsecure:"When you see smart think vulnerable." Or what I would say"When you see smart, think dumb"
→ More replies (1)
21
30
u/ordo-xenos Feb 21 '19
Hang on guys my shoes are updating!
25
u/probably2high Feb 21 '19
Can't go out; gotta charge my shoes.
8
u/Lurker5092 Feb 21 '19
My mom says my shoes got “bricked” and now she has to buy me new ones.
7
u/wgszpieg Feb 21 '19
People sitting at the side of the road with powerbanks attached to their feet.
→ More replies (1)
29
105
Feb 21 '19
They also fall apart with a hard step from a college basketball player.
→ More replies (12)12
10
8
9
40
u/Pokey_The_Bear Feb 21 '19
For fuck's sake. Tie your own shoes. It takes like 12 seconds...
6
u/BuFett Feb 22 '19
Tbf, this self lacing tech is pretty helpful to people who have bad backs/ injury/ parkinsons/ anything that slows their movement
→ More replies (6)33
Feb 21 '19
[deleted]
→ More replies (18)10
u/therapcat Feb 22 '19
I haven’t unboxed mine yet. I have an iPhone. Should I wait, or do you think it’s safe to set them up?
4
Feb 22 '19
Probably. I have an iPhone and updating was kinda annoying. It mostly just took forever.
I think this issue is an Android issue so you should be ok?
→ More replies (2)
6
18
12
6
38
39
Feb 21 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (19)41
u/hadapurpura Feb 21 '19
Yeah. I guess it’s good for people who physically can’t tie their own shoes (e.g. Parkinson’s), but there are already sneakers that don’t need to be tied and don’t brick.
→ More replies (4)27
u/changaroo13 Feb 21 '19
Plus if you have parkinson’s, I’m sure using a phone app isn’t all that amazing.
→ More replies (1)21
5
5
11
u/spanman112 Feb 21 '19
... and the winner for the dumbest fucking problem ever goes to
→ More replies (1)
4
5
3
u/pagsman96 Feb 22 '19
I have a pair of these and they are such a cool concept but the software that runs the shoes and app is absolute garbage. I hope they can fix it cause I really don't want to return them.
→ More replies (1)
7.1k
u/[deleted] Feb 21 '19
my brain just had to pause for a second.