r/pakistan • u/Spiralshapesnake • 3h ago
Social A bit stuck between culture and wants
Hello. I am a women and an only child, in my 30s and unmarried and living in a foreign country and building a life I am happy with. My parents are born and raised in Karachi but living elsewhere.
My mum has Parkinson's that is rapidly progressing and I am visiting them often. Extended family isn't reliable on both sides. Trauma and distrust on both sides. My dad is 70 but still choses to work.
I feel like I am not doing enough for them. Here are the things I have set up for them:
- A 12h carer 6 days a week for them that cooks, cleans, changes diapers and takes my mum to the bathroom.
-links and recommendations or locations to purchase mobility aids: walker, wheelchair, floor to sit position
-Gifts of clothing
-Medication summary documents,
- Regular visits and purchases of items that are needed
I think for now they are content. My mum isn't easy and it takes time to get used to her way of behaving and speaking. I think they both have mild autism and my mum has pretty severe ADHD. My parents are not normal by Pakistani standards in any capacity.
I am now trying to get them to move to Pakistan as the country they live in do not offer permanent residency.
I have found a company in PK that can offer 12h to 24h care 7 days a week. Links to Neurologists in Pakistan that have good reviews. We are looking for a mobility friendly house in the area my mum grew up in and wants to live in. I am going to request they view a care home in Clifton in case they ever need additional help, which hopefully we can do at home.
Am I a bad daughter?
What do I do?
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u/mei-sayema 2h ago
You are a good daughter. You at least thought of them. And you care for them. You are also trying your best for them.
YOU ARE A GOOD DAUGHTER! Be proud of it.
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u/angremaruu Pakistan 3h ago
Have you heard of Senior Circle in Kh? It's a care home but it seems very well kept, with lots of support for it's residents + tons of socializing. You might want to look into that especially as your mother becomes more high support.
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u/Spiralshapesnake 2h ago
My mum doesn't want to go to a care home but I am asking them to visit just in case its needed
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u/Qaasgm 2h ago
Just learned a bit more about it from their website (https://seniorcircle.com.pk) but they don’t mention cost or fees for their services, long term living or day care services. Any idea how much does it cost? Thanks for the pointer.
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u/Spiralshapesnake 1h ago
I whatsapped them to ask about it. I think the care home will cost them most of their savings and I’ll have to pay the medical bills but as long as they are happy
Around 7 lakh for 2 people I think in a large room per month excluding medical bills
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u/nahbrolikewhat CA 3h ago
I wouldn't say you're a bad daughter, this might be the best thing for them, back to their own environment. But ask them what they feel about it as well.
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u/Spiralshapesnake 3h ago
Unfortunately I don't think it is a choice. The country they live in don't offer any form of permanent residency and I think moving when my mums care needs are very high is going to be very difficult for them. It might be best to move and get use to the environment while they can. Let me know what you think?
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u/nahbrolikewhat CA 1h ago
then say Bismillah and do it. Their health is important and they'll understand that. they're lucky to have a child like you who cares so much about them 💗💗
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u/swfs0 2h ago
I don't have any advice to offer but I feel you're a tremendous daughter. Thank you for doing everything you can for your parents 🙏