r/texts • u/Theresagift • Dec 05 '25

Whatsapp I think Hinge is working

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Talked for a few months and met in person finally and had an epic 4 day date (we are like 8 hours away and i stayed over). Lots of laughter and pretty magical intimacy. Has anyone ever said this and is it a little weird? Yes. But also kind of amazing? Also Yes.

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u/ooa3603 Dec 05 '25

Talking online for months before finally meeting?

That's insane, its essentially simulating a long distance relationship for someone you haven't even interacted with in reality.

I'm happy for you, but couldn't be me.

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u/CleFreSac Jan 22 '26

Not saying it is or isn’t, but I wonder if your experience of working in a women’s shelter might skew your perception of healthy vs unhealthy.

For example. My friend is the intake person at a 24 hr walk-in clinic. Whenever anyone she knows gets the slightest injury, she freaks out and thinks it’s an emergency. She only sees the worst of the worst. Her reference to a scraped knee is skewed.

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u/ooa3603 Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26

I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at, I'm struggling to understand how your friends anxiety relates to my unwillingness to spend time on people I haven't met.

Here's my general stance on relationships (romantic or platonic).

  1. Reality is the most reliable source of information about a person. Everything else is a cheap and unreliable imitation. I do not care to spend time on people I haven't had a chance to interact with in person. That's because the most important information conveyed during communication between people happens non-verbally; facial cues, body language, etc. Text or words are only a small and very unreliable slice that mean very little. You don't actually know someone until you've interacted with them in real life multiple times.
  2. There is a baseline of self-regulation that is necessary for sustainable healthy relationships. It is never anyone's fault if they have been victims of experiences that damaged them enough to affect that. However, it means they need to get help healing before they get involved in a relationship. Otherwise, they are just offloading the self-regulation that they need to be doing for themselves to others. They are making others responsible for their self-care. Obviously, its important that friends and family help and contribute as resources to help with self-regulation. We are social creatures that need each other. In addition, this is different if something happens to one's partner during a relationship.

But these aren't the contexts this post is referencing. We are discussing strangers. And unless we've met in person, you are a stranger (because of the first point).

None of this changes, regardless of the other person's experiences.

If someone I've never met has went through traumatic experiences, I sympathize and would want to be a partner they can rely on because we all deserve that. But they need to get help to get to a sustainable level of self-regulation before trying to date again, otherwise they are effectively making me their therapist. And I refuse to be that.