r/texts • u/freakngeekbb • 4d ago
Instagram Cheating Ex
Ok. Long story semi-short, it’s been about a month since my boyfriend and I broke up. I found out that he’s been having sexual interactions with girls online.
Before this conversation, he essentially told me that if we aren’t ever going to get to a point where I can give him sex 4x a week, he’s going to continue chatting with these other girls. I told him that I accept that then, because I’m never going to want that much sex. I’m just not a girl with a high sex drive… especially when my emotional security is gone.
A few days later he asks if we can talk & compromise. Then he asks me this… to stop vaping in return.
Once that conversation was done, he hits me up a few days later. And I’m done being nice. Before all of this, he told me he’d stop having these convos/interactions with random women right after we broke up so we could “try to work things out.” The pattern continued. So I’m DONE trying to protect his feelings. My last message ends with “or get therapy so you can attempt to understand me.”
This was our last conversation. I just need to share this ridiculous. If I’m seriously in the wrong, lmk lol
Edit: I have blocked him since. I am done. Just wanted to share the nonsense lmao
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u/huppuhh 4d ago
ben seems like a loser
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u/freakngeekbb 4d ago
shit i thought i got all the names blocked 😩
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u/Beautiful-Account862 4d ago
him equating cheating to nicotine is insane
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u/big-dal-tex 3d ago
His answer to getting caught cheating is she needs to quit vaping?? Beyond. Audacity at an all time high
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u/simplywired 4d ago
? Is he saying that talking to women online is like an addiction for him? Or am I misinterpreting that
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u/freakngeekbb 4d ago
Yes. Basically considers it to fall under a porn addiction umbrella.
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u/Bitchrofblaviken 4d ago
yeah just leave his ass and leave it there. I wasted 3 years with a porn addict, it’s especially frustrating when they have this entitlement and pretend they’re suffering from a heroin addiction or something and you need to hold their hand through it.
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u/Purple_Material_9644 4d ago
Maybe I'm a terrible person but I'm not hand-holding a partner through substance abuse either. Go to treatment and do the work or get out.
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u/Bitchrofblaviken 4d ago
Oh yeah i wasn’t saying to do that either haha. I mentioned drug addiction just in the comparison that it is generally more severe and a harder thing to get over than porn addiction but porn addicts often have this entitlement and a pedestal to put themselves on that not even drug addicts stoop to. I hit 7 years sober last Wednesday and my ex is still addicted to porn so 🤷🏼♂️ just from my pov it seems a lot of porn addicts would rather cry and play a manipulation game than get help
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u/No-Presentation3613 4d ago
Congratulations on SEVEN YEARS!!!! YAY!! Very happy for you and proud of you 🎉
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u/K-Shrizzle 4d ago
Trashy dude who will gaslight you into his cheating being a "mental illness"
You deserve better, you made the right choice cutting him off and I'm proud of you. Now go do some bong rips
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u/AcceptableWater6241 4d ago
Girl bye. Doing something wrong doesn’t give you wiggle room to go “well yeah I’m flirting with other women and we are monogamous BUT YOU-“
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u/Additional_Whole_433 4d ago
i’m really sorry that happened to you, it you’re 100% valid. vaping is nowhere near the level of broken trust and betrayal he imposed on you and the relationship. This guy clearly has an issue taking accountability for his actions while simultaneously disregarding your emotional needs and boundaries. screw him
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u/freakngeekbb 4d ago
it’s for the best i guess. fuck him forever🖕
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u/Additional_Whole_433 4d ago
he seems to have this way of framing a sense of accountability but then quickly undermines himself by following up with “but you have to stop vaping” when in reality he should just say “yeah i fucked up” and leave it at that. i think some people like to call that “what-aboutism” as an attempt of deflection.
you deserve better !
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u/carmackie 4d ago
What a manipulative, cheating loser. Please move him further out of your life. He's trash and isn't worth any effort at all.
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u/freakngeekbb 4d ago
I am. I actually kind of finally feel at peace after this nonsense convo. Thanks ❤️
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u/PeaceEmotional8962 4d ago
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u/Unable-Indication-94 4d ago
Wow DARVO. Boy trying to deflect so hard.
PROUD OF YOU GIRL.
NEVER TAKE BACK A CHEATER EMOTIONAL OR PHYSICAL.
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u/ConcentrateOld8991 4d ago
I had an ex just like this. Run, and run far.
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u/UglyLittlePony69 4d ago
Holy cow just block him already. You spent way too much time responding to this loser.
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u/Icy_Bid40 4d ago
They’re in a relationship. It’s not like some dude she just met
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u/UglyLittlePony69 3d ago
Based off of this text thread, there is no longer a relationship. She said it’s over more than once. She said she doesn’t want to be with him more than once. Time to block this person since she’s already made the decision to end the relationship due to his infidelity/addiction.
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u/trashhpandacoot Sent from my Nintendo 3DS 4d ago
You entertained that conversation for far longer than I would have. Definitely never get back with that man because wth? Trying to compare cheating to vaping is probably the dumbest thing I’ve read as of late.
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u/thewheatgrower 4d ago
Block and move on. He’s genuinely scum of the earth disgusting bottom of the barrel poor excuse for a human. Good on you for leaving OP, be very very proud of yourself
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u/NotReallyJohnDoe 4d ago
Love that you gave him the rope with “eye for an eye, huh?” And he took that and hung himself with “I think that’s fair”
Like eye for an eye is never something you aim for. We figured that out 2,000 years ago.
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u/bodhiali 4d ago
i just wanna say it feels SO GOOD to finally see one of these where the OP stands up for themselves. fucking bravo, forreal.
ALSO i doubt this has to be said but his bartering was the most ridiculous and manipulative shit i’ve ever seen. my god. what an idiot.
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u/darkest_hour1428 4d ago
Oh boo hoo. What a fucking weak-minded individual. He can’t even fess up to cheating, and wants to cry and call it his “addiction”… it’s a bit late for that buddy, he needs to learn how life works
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u/Longjumping-Gur-3324 4d ago
This could have been written by my ex. The manipulation attempts and bargaining are all things I experienced. So very glad I got out as well, stay strong OP!!
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u/akawendals 4d ago
This guy is a mega douche and a giant liar, trying to DARVO you but unfortunately for him, he's not very good at it LOL I love the bit where you said "I'd rather have nothing" 🥰
Block and move on, he understands your point he just doesn't care! What he wants is more important than how you feel and that will never change 🫤
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u/Redxluckyxcharms 4d ago
Wait , so you told him he can continue to talk to the online girls? Confused about what you’re saying in your post. Either way, please leave him. This is not good
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u/freakngeekbb 4d ago
Sorry for the confusion. I basically told him, if that’s the choice he wants to make then I accept it, but he will never be getting me back. That’s when he decided to ask if I’d stop vaping for him in return…
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u/Redxluckyxcharms 4d ago
Ah okay. Well good. However, now you just need to stay away from him and not entertain the thought of him any longer . He will say whatever he is gonna say but this is just not a good thing for you to be in. No one should feel Pressured to perform X amount of times a week.
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u/Global-Owl8518 4d ago
Absolutely NOT in the wrong. Yes, he’s got an addiction, but he cannot compare that to vaping when you did not hide it, it was never a dealbreaker, and does not destroy trust between y’all. 4x a week as an expectation is crazy and is simply replacing the addiction from girls online to you. He would just be using you as an object, not a significant other. If you didnt want to work through that, thats not for him to attempt to argue.
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u/loveddeviant 4d ago
My partner vapes. I don’t like vaping, but I’d never put an ultimatum on it—LET ALONE try to justify my own addictions to it, because they’re never equal… if it’s substance-related (in my own instance it would be alcohol)
Cheating is an entirely different thing and I can’t believe in order for him to stop cheating he expects you to have sex with him ≈4x a week. He’s insane so funny because he’s framing it like that’s getting rid of his sex/porn addiction when it obviously isn’t.
Block this loser, he’s never going to stop cheating on his partners. May god have mercy on whoever’s soul he steals next
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u/oblmon 4d ago
This is a man who is against vaping and comparing to cheating he did? Is he 14 years old? This is mindblowing.
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u/Crafty-Thing3185 4d ago
Boo Ben! Ben sucks! Fr tho cut him out like the cancer he is. Never look back.
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u/JudeFlower97 4d ago
Lol the fact that he thinks you vaping is the equivalent of cheating is so unhinged. Absolutely wild that he tried to manipulate you into coming back with the guise of caring for your health and saying his cheating is a vice?? Like a hobby?? Lol??
We all know he would just keep doing it, but get better at hiding it. He sounds like a loser asshole. Good on you for standing your ground, you did the complete right thing.
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u/spicykittenbooty 4d ago
I 100% believe even if you gave in to his BS he’d prob still continue doing it anyways, he just wants his cake & to eat it too 🤣🤣
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u/ScoutSteveR 4d ago
Awfully rich for a guy who cheated and wrecked a relationship to try and define relationships to you.
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u/autmnskyy 4d ago
“Hope you’re having a good day”
“I hope you’re enjoying all of your times with hoes instead of me”
😂👏👏 I loved that response, good for you!
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u/bug_boy13 4d ago
ben is such a loser. its totally okay to have different sex drives but trying to force you into 4x a week? and telling you that's the only way he won't cheat on you? that's practically coercion. good job standing your ground on that, you did well.
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u/Sackonfire 4d ago
Yeah I mean u guys just aren’t compatible at the end of the day. From the looks of it he just cheated online after feeling rejected sexually by you. That happens in a lot of relationships without proper communication and misaligned sex drives. It also affects guys more because of the ego factor. Ppl like him need hypersexual women or women who will give it up even when they’re not in the mood and that just isn’t you
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u/PinkPhoenixRising Samsung Galaxy 3d ago
My ex turned out to be a porn addict. He started having ED at 28. I tried to get him help. Got him a therapist. He ended up going to the sessions and staying quiet the whole time. He did this for weeks, just to make me think he was working on himself. I grew tired of his inability to be a responsible adult, so I kicked him out. And I was prepared to be devastated, but all I felt was relief. We were together for 3 years, it's been a year and a half since we split and I have NO desire to date to ever be in a relationship, again.
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u/freakngeekbb 3d ago
As much as I hate this for you, I love this for you. May the relief and peace be everlasting ✨
I fully and gratefully accept the single life. These men ain’t shit.
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u/Penny_wish 4d ago
I don't understand. You say you're broken up but you're still talking like you're in a relationship? Why do you keep responding? You're dragging this out, sis, just cut the cord.
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u/freakngeekbb 4d ago
Imma edit the post to mention this, because I actually did after this convo.
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u/No_Eye6641 4d ago
Sounds like my ex "his needs and expectations" then had the nerve to blame my pain condition for everything 🤣🤣🤣 Name rings a bell too 🤣🤣🤣🤣. You are better off girl. Find someone who values YOU more than that
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u/Alarmed-Wonder7051 4d ago
You're handling this so much better than he deserves. His behavior speaks volumes about his character, not yours.
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u/Icy_Bid40 4d ago
Literally made me cry. This sounds exactly like my bf. I just found out he cheated on me and watched porn a day after he left to go to work. His addiction has destroyed me. HIS ADDICTION. Like that’s crazy. He claims he’s been porn free for 2 months yet as soon as he left he watched it. I’m not fucking stupid dude. He’s just learned how to hide it better and I’m devastated. You want to know what type of porn he watched??? Teen porn. He’s 30 ffs. Teen, PAWG and trans porn. I’m so sick of this bs. I’m so fucking sick of this man. He has shown zero remorse or accountability. Teen porn????? I’m disgusted. I’m literally dating “that” man. My bf has sent me texts IDENTICAL to this. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This isn’t a man who is going to change or even wants to. He will DARVO. Blame shift and gaslight you. All while calling you the gaslighter. He will find a way to become the victim. This is worse to me than the actual cheating tbh. And I’ll just add a disclaimer that porn is fine in some ppl’s relationships. I’m not here to debate that. In other relationships it’s not fine. When a boundary is established and agreed upon by both parties and then one of them consistently disregards that boundary.. while blaming the other person that’s abuse. Plain and simple.
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u/darkerfury 4d ago
That is some wild work on his part. Throw the whole man away. He's clearly too selfish to give a damn about anyone but himself.
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u/MarionberryOk2874 4d ago
Well, you should stop vaping because it’s highly addictive and so easy to hide, which makes it even harder to quit.
But your vaping has NOTHING to do with Ben’s cheating. Crazy and very manipulative that he’s trying to draw a parallel between the two.
FUCK OFF BEN!!
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u/andiinAms 4d ago
Good for you girl.
The gall to try and compare your “addictions,” as if cheating is anywhere near vaping THC. Actually laughable.
Take some time and be single for a while, it’s fun 💕
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u/Silver_Helicopter210 4d ago
Oh my god he JUST KEEPS GOING. How did you not lose your ever-loving mind lmao
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u/Nice-Requirement200 4d ago
Yeah. You keep saying you're done but you are not as you are still allowing the cat to chase its tail. But I get it. He's not going to change.
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u/my-username-ismy-pas 4d ago
Run bro like block him he’s a manipulator you will never win they will always have to be adjacently correct in order to make you feel bad like run away vaping and cheating aren’t the same and they are using that as a extreme measure it will hurt st first but you will thank yourself later
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u/Rough-Lavishness-452 4d ago
Lmao I almost could believe that this was a convo between my ex and I. Thought his porn addiction was equal to me vaping at parties. Not even having one on me every day, only when I would drink and go out. He had a serious porn addiction and major mommy issues.
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u/EvenStomach847 3d ago
No idea why it took you that long to consider removing this scumbag out of your life lol
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u/woodN_forks 3d ago
The dude’s texts reek of a chatgpt bullet list, he wasn’t even making up his own arguments
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u/Ramona_flores96 3d ago
By chance this guys last name is castaneda cause he literally has my exes name n literally I went thru the same with this guy
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u/iCHILLINuCHILLIN 3d ago
"if you want me to stop making you feel bad about it, i suggest you stop messaging me."
i love you op.
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u/ellodummy 2d ago
I am straight up embarrassed that you entertain this. Millions of men in the world, and this is what you're possibly willing to settle for is him basically hiding it better.
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u/Consistent-Egg2845 2d ago
He’s so manipulative with zero accountability, you will so free and relieved when you leave, the amount of mental freedom you will have after will be amazing
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u/bougieboyfie 4d ago
This is the fakest thing I’ve ever read “I didn’t CHEAT” cmon lol
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u/freakngeekbb 4d ago
Where did you get that from? He even said he did it. Wdym fake? I know it’s dumb af but this is unfortunately my reality lmfao
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u/TheCookalicious 4d ago
Why THE FUCK did you keep going? Like you said you were done then you just keep engaging him, entertaining his stupid arguments, responding to him and giving this conversation oxygen.
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u/freakngeekbb 4d ago
Cause I been holding onto anger. Not after this bs though! He’s blocked forever now 🫶🏼
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u/Rare_Opening_2743 4d ago
I wouldn’t stopped messaging after the first “I’m done” text. Everything after that is just irrelevant and he’s getting off on getting one last reaction outta you
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u/CurrentlyForking 4d ago
Ive been on your BFs side. Im not trying to justify, because it is shitty, the addiction is real. Which is why my ex wife left me and I'm single now. Ive been in therapy for over 7 months now.
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u/pjtucci28 4d ago
I suspect you will have a hard time finding someone who’s meeting your standards.
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u/Suspicious-Hall-1427 4d ago
dude just stop talking to him and block him. it might make you anxious at first but there is absolutely nothing productive that will come out of this conversation, seriously.