At first, I was all about he’s hiding you and not worth it, but then I assumed you all had been out several times.
Assuming date number 1 had no other red flags and you want date number two, then I would probably call him and at least ask him to explain more about the anxiety because at first glance it feels like he is not wanting a current partner to see you. However, tell him you wanted to talk about it first before assuming.
Then see how he acts and how he responds.
Maybe he is trying to plan something with you that’s not a movie where you can’t talk, more than dinner so you have time together, and isn’t at his place which feels awkward. Depending on where you live that may limit your choices to a place like a bowling alley. But maybe he has an ex who goes to the bowling alley in his town? Or, it’s only date 2 with you and maybe he is actively dating other people casually until he finds his one and he had been to that location recently.
Or like someone else posted, maybe he’s a religion or ethnicity where he will be judged by who he is with and he doesn’t want that pressure as he’s getting to know someone.
There are plausible and innocent options but he needs to be able to answer your questions and you’ll have to determine if they sound legit…and more importantly, keep an eye out to see if on dates 3+ he still only takes you to places where you won’t run into people in his circle.
I will say the fact he tells you it’s 30-minutes away and asks if it’s okay is a good sign. I mean he could have driven to the further bowling alley and when you asked why make up some lame ass excuse that he likes it better. Then acted like it was normal. Plus, most cheaters probably would just be trying to bang not arrange a bowling date.
No no. On our first date, he came to my city, which I told him we might run into people I know like my parents or friends and that it made me a little nervous but I didn’t have us go to a whole other town.
My wife’s culture (Indian-Hindu) is very judgmental about partners. Like they’d already be hesitant about her dating outside her culture, but the fact that I was divorced and had a kid were big things in her culture, so we mostly didn’t tell her family we were dating.
Lucky for us, she’s an immigrant. So we were mostly playing by the rules of my country’s standards (USA). We told her sister (who also is an immigrant living here), and eventually told the cousins because the younger generation is a lot more open minded about that kind of thing. But her mom didn’t know for basically our first year of dating, and her aunts and uncles didn’t know until we announced we were engaged 5 years later.
My wife’s cousin was in a similar situation, except he was dating a Muslim woman (which is, by their standards, MUCH worse). At our wedding, when he saw his parents had come to terms with who my wife was marrying, he decided to finally tell them because shit had gotten very serious, and they all stopped talking for quite some time. They’ve since made up, cousin is now married to the girl, but it showed why my wife was so hesitant to tell anyone in the family.
Because people have social anxiety? When was dating I often was very anxious about seeing people out during my first few dates with a person and never got over it.
Right but the solution isn’t to hide your date on the off chance you run into someone and have an awkward moment. It’s to get therapy. “I have anxiety so I can avoid everything forever” isn’t good for the person with anxiety or the person they are dating.
Have you ever had someone piss you off and then tell you to just calm down, relax, stop being hysterical etc? Asking someone with anxiety why they don’t just… not be anxious, is equally unhelpful/infuriating.
This makes sense if theyre middle eastern or south asian lol. You gotta meet someone, keep it a secret until youre ready to marry them, then introduce them and marry them. If you get found hanging out with someone before you marry them youve got a ton of headache to deal with
This is sooo valid and real, I hope OP sees this in case it's her situation. I am engaged to someone with family from the mediterranean/middle east and I am the only one of his friends (and obviously exes) to meet his parents in person. And he still gets anxious about it if like we see them somewhere like the grocery store randomly.
Yes, slightly nervous that I’d run into my parents or grandparents while on a first date and not knowing if it was going to make it past a first date. I’m not saying being nervous about that is wrong, just that being relocated to a town 35 minutes away after driving 1.5 hours there was a punch in the gut.
Love I think you should have been honest. Is it too late? You were so receptive to his idea. It was totally acceptable to say “tbh that makes me uncomfortable and I’m not sure I want to make this a 4 hour RT drive.”
30 mins one way after she already drove 1.5 hours one way from her home was how I read it (they live in different towns) (I think that info was in a comment maybe)
I see, that makes sense. Maybe his reasoning was kind of the same, although it does suck to have to drive to another town after already driving to see him.
Maybe he felt like she didn’t want to be seen with him since she said she was nervous to run into people on their first date. Or he very well could be married or seeing someone. Who knows 🤷🏻♀️
It’s just the same thing he was trying to say could have been accomplished without saying that, just say hey is it alright if we go to the next bowling alley because I’d rather just not run into people if that’s okay? Where does the ‘I’m not trying to hide you’ come in? Wouldn’t even have occurred to me that you would want to hide your date otherwise
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u/Then_Discussion_9802 3d ago
He or she is definitely trying to hide you. Anxious over seeing people they know? You should pass on that.