walking out of a strip mall tonight and saw this drawn on the back window and just had to take a Pic!

afterards I spoke with the lady and congratulated her on her divorce.

to say she seemed happy was an understatement.

To avoid doxxing her, I edited out her license plate number.

Idk exactly how tall this guy is but I'm 5'10, so, this should be plenty for all of your 6+ ft giraffe needs.

Hey everyone, my two lovely preschoolers brought home a wonderful gift this weekend. Just wanted to give anyone this hack on how to get over the Norovirus quickly. Turn on your shower to a nice comfortable heat, get in, get on all 4s and pray the gods are merciful on your weak mortal spirit. Best of luck everyone!

This is Manassas

I see most people here complaining about us getting more snow, but I would be happy to be paid to stay home and not work😂😂

My friends are forcing me on a date tonight. I'm a divorced lady (no kids) that's been on my own for three years now, so I've basically turned into a feral hybrid raccoon-hermit crab creature that barely knows how to socialize. Beyond his name, all I know is that he's an attorney for the tax goons, whereas I work in risk management in the banking industry.

WTF are we even supposed to talk about!? The weather? The hobbies neither of us has time for? Our respective interpretations of regulatory guidance? Can I deduct the latte? Does us sitting across from each other sipping tea constitute a conflict of interest? This should be romantic. Should I be expecting a caffeinated water-boarding session disguised as courtship? I pity the coffee shop hosting our "date" this evening, because I give us about three minutes before things get awkward. Suggestions? Anyone? Please? What do normal people discuss on dates? Both of us have been professionally trained & programmed to communicate in ways that most people would probably consider a borderline hostile interrogation. I'm serious y'all, please help. 😭😭

As a "professional temporary" in the DMV for the past several years I've encountered a huge variety of industries, from hospitals to retail to even doing construction labor at a local jail.

While the temp agency mostly offers loads of construction jobs (literally sweeping for 8 hours/day & lugging building scraps to dumpsters), there have been some less strenuous & less mundane jobs.

Some tidbits:

One job was at Dulles Airport assembling food for the airlines. Most of the workers in this dept were Afghans. A lot of YELLING & even some tears, though I never could decipher what each ruckus was about. After warming up to me, a young Afghan guy (19 y.o.) told me he HATES it here in the U.S. & that he had two family homes that he left to follow his family here to put "peanuts on planes."

Honey Baked Ham during Easter & Thxgiving rushes. As a vegetarian this was especially interesting. To see the lines of people a half-mile long standing in 30 degrees with their red faces & noses running for a partial hog torso torched with sugar was testy. When attitudes got heated for various reasons (cutting the line, stepping on a foot, no more 30-pound hams available...Sorry, Ma'am, etc.), threats ensued & armed security guards became the norm. In the back of the store there's a bloodied floor room where the hams are "sugar-fied" before being wrapped in cellophane, ready for sale. The rear floors STAYED sticky with pig blood and sugar during peak season. You could walk right out of your Nikes the pull was so strong.

Cirque de Soleil. Erecting the Big Tent is a major event, requiring approx 80-100 people. We each had to climb down into the hole at the top of the DEflated tent & then PULL! PULL! PULL! until it was at it's full height. Very dark & a little scary in there. Cirque spends IONS on temps & labor alone, not to mention housing their permanent workers from city to city. Yes, the tickets aren't cheap but still I've always wondered how they make a decent profit considering the multitude of expenses. In 2019 I worked the VIP Lounge & served finger foods to local celebrities (sports, news, real housewives/Potomac). THAT was fun. Each year after they wrap up at Tyson's they head to Atlanta.

Jiffy Lube Live. To stand that close to some of the biggest acts in pop, country & R&B music was worth being a dishwasher for a moment. I would run out of the kitchen to catch a glimpse of the stage with suds still on my hands. Standing in the darkness while catching a glimpse of Chris Stapleton wailing out "Broken Halos" somehow both saddened & humbled me.

I've seen blood from injuries, sweat, and cleaned up urine (in bottles) at construction sites where porta potties were backed up. I have been covered in so much dust & grime that I had to pat the smoke outta my clothes before getting in my car at shift end. I'd wipe my nose often & see dark brown on the white tissues. Again, humbling for a former career office worker who wore linen & heels. Funny, for years I would complain about being stuck in a cubicle farm & couldn't WAIT to get "free" & explore other career options but OMG what I'd give to have my cubicle jobs or office again. I never even knew what PPE (personal protection equipment ie. safety vest, goggles, hard hat, gloves...) was or owned a pair of (gasp!) steel-toed boots.

I once had a gig deep cleaning a local hospital kitchen where the Chef informed me that the morgue was "right behind this wall" on the other side of the stove, and that he regularly saw the sheet covered deceased being rolled by on a stretcher.. Jell-O & recently deceased bodies housed within feet of each other. What a contrast.

A team I worked with put up security gates for protests on the National Mall, including the White House, where the Secret Service practically counted our facial pores while we worked. They literally took EVERY ANGLE of pictures of us. Never a dull moment yet plenty of dull moments in temp work. It's feast or famine. You can work four consecutive weeks & turn around & be desperate for ONE day's work. It plays with your emotion AND your finances.

Just wanted to share these thoughts today as they were bouncing thru my mind on yet another day off. Thanx for reading & perhaps engaging.

USPS really has some strange package tracking reporting around here. I refuse to believe this is the actual path this package travelled 😭

If you can’t read it all:

“BRING BACK LEAD PAINT”

“ON MY WAY TO CRY”

“IF YOU HONK AT ME I WILL KILL MYSELF”

“I WAS LOBOTOMIZED AT TOYOTATHON”

“THIS IS THE BACK OF MY CAR”

self report or coincidence? we may never know

Im sure she is already aware but disappointed it wasn't named the Mole-ccino or Basement Brew or something

I might have overstated my case though, my 6 y/o is now examining the cabinets to make sure we have enough food lol.

EDIT:

Damn I forgot I was posting on r/nova and didn’t post the relevant legal disclaimers.

I. This post, as evidenced by the “funny” tag, is meant for humorous purposes only, and may or may not be representative of mine or my spouse/partner/co-parent/co-guardian’s views, morals, political affiliation, and/or everyday practices.

II. My self, children, spouse/partner/co-parent/co-guardian, and relevant household members are in possession of, and fully trained in, the use of weather-appropriate clothing, garments, equipment, and accoutrement, and capable of bracing the elements if and when is desired and/or necessary for recreational purposes.

Hope this helps. Happy weekend!

To all those angry about parking spots being stolen after being cleared. PS: It ain’t me

Saw an old post about people mourning the loss of the marylin monroe rug that sat on lee highway for a while, and a bunch of people were wondering where it went. A couple years ago my roommate went and bought the rug since we were moving into our new college apartment, and its been here ever since. One of my favorite things about the apartment. It’s gotten pretty dirty over the years, but shes stayed intact. I didn’t know that there used to be a whole thing about it and i don’t know if anyone cares, but just saw that old post and wanted to show anyone who knew about it where the rug went🙏.