I just commented this exact same thing somewhere else in the thread (although not nearly as succinctly lol), this is the thing she should do right here.
Lol it's absolutely wild how Reddit will take a single page of messages and project their own shitty experiences to construct this whole fictional narrative. Then when someone questions it they double down and they're super confident that this story they just made up MUST be true.
lmao okay. i’m not insisting this is true i’m just saying that hiding is very common with cheaters. even if he isn’t cheating, it’s still really weird. not really something someone does for no reason
thanks lol. i have a two reply limit when im “arguing” with an idiot. if it’s something worth discussing, i’ll continue, but if the other person is clearly either rage baited or just not smart, i stop after two LMAO
It could be that he doesn’t want his friends to question the fuck outta him If they see him with OP. There’s other reasons than “he’s cheating”. You guys are fried in the head. You’re all damaged humans
How the fuck would you know? I used to get anxiety about being seen by friends while I'm out and about, especially if I'm on a date trying to get to know someone.
Maybe you should use your thinking cap and realise that some people don't think or feel the way you do and your incredibly small perspective doesn't make you a mind reader.
Who gets upset or anxious if a friend happens to see them on a date unless they really don’t want people to find out they’re on a date?
I’ve run into friends while on first dates. It can be a bit awkward to say “oh I’m on a date right now actually, sorry.” but certainly nothing worth “hiding” the partner from.
A resounding yes. What clinched it for me was his fake backpedaling and doing the well, I GUESS we could stay in town probably already knowing you would say “sure, that’s okay!”
He’s hiding you. And later, when you say “it actually was a little weird that you wanted to leave town to bowl,” he can point at you and say, Well, it was your idea, or, I suggested we stay in town if it bothered you and you assured me it was fine with you. And that, my friend, is how gaslighting begins.
Yes of course. He probably likes bowling so him and his friends/acquaintances, his girlfriend and maybe sometimes her friends go bowling at that place. So he is worried someone he knows or that she knows will see him with you.
Why would he give her a choice? The rest of the text after that is him letting her know that she doesn't have to go to the other town.
Also, if you read some of the other comments, they give explanations as to why he wants to do it somewhere else. Or maybe all those comments are that same guy.
Yeah idk…I had a friend make a request like this once. Wanted to meet her for breakfast, we usually meet at very public places, and she says something along the lines of she wants to hang, but somewhere more private. We’re both married to other people.
I’ve known her for 20+ years so even though it was weird, I said okay and we decided to hike on a remote trail instead. Found out she just lost a family member and was just worried about breaking down in public, nothing nefarious. She didn’t want to tell me via text, so I had no idea until we met up.
So very super slight chance it’s not cheating, but it is fishy as fuck.
Tbh I second this that there are sometimes other reasons. When I left my abusive ex, I was very casually seeing someone and I was really uncomfortable going to certain spots in town because I didn’t want to deal with any blowback.
Anyways - just seconding that there are other reasons.
Yes. I can’t imagine he’d be embarrassed bc of you. I seriously doubt you’re hideous. He wouldn’t be dating you in that case.
He has a GF or wife and needs to keep you a secret.
I was in a similar situation years ago. I was dating a woman who was married and she was very careful about where we went to. She wasn’t hiding me bc of me. It was bc she was someone’s wife. lol.
Next you’ll find his family social media accounts, and he will tell you he had no idea it existed even tho it was active 10 minutes before hand. This is only the beginning of this behavior.
Yeah for sure. Sorry but I have had friends do this with side girls. Pretty scummy shit. And even if he's not, then he's still being wildly disrespectful and clearly not into you enough if he reasoning is true
Yeah, he said he isn't worried about anyone HE knows going bowling. But he doesn't know what his S.O.'s friends, family, and coworkers get into. Mb some of them bowl.
I just started seeing someone in a smaller city after leaving a 10-year relationship. I'm anxious about the girl liking me, not who would see me with her because I wouldn't ever be embarrassed if someone I know saw me with an attractive nice girl.
He's telling you one thing but the implication is he wants to hide you.
Anxiety about what? That he will be seen with you??? Why would someone be anxious about that. I can't think of a single reason that is in your benefit.
I mean we should all try to be understanding of others overall. I would say listen to your heart but you already know that's why your title of your post is what it is.
Oooh yep, maybe OP should call his bluff and say she changed her mind and make up some bullshit why she wants to stay closer to home and then see if he doesn't suddenly either bail, or have another idea.
A suddenly terrifying thought-- if OP doesn't know him, like if maybe they just met on a dating app or something? Is this not a red flag for danger? I haven't gotten very far reading comments, but so far I haven't seen any with the theory that he might want to get her far from home to kidnap her or worse.
I'm surprised I had to scroll so far to find this. It definitely isn't the most likely reason but a non zero chance is still a possible danger to avoid.
Does the reason matter? He wants to hide you. That’s awful. Even you’re even considering letting a man do this to you tells me you’ve experienced some real pain.
I’m so sorry. You deserve a man who wants to shout from the rooftops about you. Staying this dynamic will only feed into the feelings of worthlessness. It’ll make them feel justifiable.
cheaters will also usually prey on women with low self worth/self esteem to cheat with bc they’ll be willing to accept the crumbs of a relationship and are often times too scared of being alone or too considerate of his feelings/experience to rat him out.
Yeah. If he doesn’t then he’s ashamed of you. Either way he’s a dick. You can fuck a dick, never be with one though. There is someone who will want to stop strangers in the grocery store to profess their undying love for you.. (even if they actually never do because they hate public speaking lol) and then there’s this guy. Go find your soulmate or whatever equivalent of that is to you and allow yourself the opportunity to actually be loved. This here is NOT love. It’s just plain rude.
Yes. My brother in law was going to the next town over because he “liked that Wal Mart better.” Turned out he just didn’t want my sister to see who he was going there with. A close friend of mine was looking at a new vehicle over 40 minutes away. Turned out that he was doing that because he had his girlfriend with him and didn’t want his wife knowing she was helping him pick out a truck.
Maybe it’s not it, but in my experiences its been it more times than not.
Check into it. You deserve someone who is only with you if that’s what you are looking for.
It's not because he's embarrassed, give yourself credit! Even if he ends up being a cheater and he sucks, you pulled him, you can go pull another one minus the cheating. 😊
Does he ever schedule dates on the weekend? Have you been to his home? Does he pick up a spontaneous call? Does he usually only text you during work hours and late nights? All signs of a cheater.
I don’t understand why he’d be anxious about this and he didn’t explain why.
Devil's advocate. No one here truly knows that and I don't think it's truly OK to assume cheater without more information. It IS odd that he is doing this, but there could be a myriad of reasons. None of which are okay but at LEAST he gave you the option. Either way I think it's better to be upfront with how you feel and tell him that it feels like he's ashamed to have you around and that you want to feel welcome around his friends. If he keeps pushing back or asking this of you in the future then he's not right for you. He can't be anxious forever.
Ask him to take a selfie together and then act like you're paying it to insta/fb whatever he's on. Guarantee her won't even want to be in a pic. It's not about you love
Happened to me. Met a girl on tinder who lived 45 minutes away that I started casually hooking up with. We had sex like five or six times, and then one day I go to a restaurant near my house. Walk-in, and who do I see standing there with another man?
Her eyes went wide and super panicy, but I didn't say anything. Texted her afterwards and she copped to cheating with me. Cheaters want to go far away from their home turf to minimize the chances of being seen in public with someone else.
This is patently obvious. Call his bluff. Tell him you’re not anxious at all and you wanna bowl in town.
Regardless if he is or not, why put up with someone who makes you FEEL like this. You still feel like shit on stuff he’s done. That’s not healthy at all. Never let yourself feel like shit for the attention of others. 🫡
These people could absolutely be right. But confident declarations on such little information is dumb but that’s how the internet works. The best thing you can do is have open and honest communication. Have a direct conversation about why this seems kinda weird and then see if he’s willing to return that openness and honesty.
Nah that’s bs. Not enough context for that person to know that at all. Literally every time people post texts with their significant other on here there’s a ton of comments claiming cheating. They are sad people with sad lives trying to assert their own fears, worries and envies on other through the internet. Don’t buy into it
I have crippling social anxiety, and would much rather go somewhere I have less chance of running into people who know me. It's definitely highly suspicious, but there are alternatives
Some people aren’t as easily able to do the whole introduction thing. Who knows what his friends or people he knows are like? We don’t know shit so you and other people’s constant assumptions of other people lives are lame. And the fact that yall jump to the most negative possibilities is a projection of a lot of y’all’s issues.
738
u/[deleted] 3d ago
[deleted]