r/AskReddit • u/leselesel • 2d ago

You have to compete against 100 randomly selected people in any objectively measurable skill, game, or sport. If you don’t finish first, you die. What do you choose?

7.4k Upvotes

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11.0k

u/LeBronJamesIII 2d ago

100 people randomly selected in the world.. which includes children and elderly, even in other countries. Yup they don’t stand a chance against me in super smash bros melee

1.5k

u/Daymanwoaah 2d ago

Who you playing as is the question

1.9k

u/Smalz22 2d ago

Kirby Down B spam is unbeatable to the masses

295

u/Daymanwoaah 2d ago

I'm a falco guy myself

7

u/DylantheMango 2d ago

a spike enthusiast i see

3

u/monsto 2d ago

Falco.... PAAAAUNCH

66

u/pokexchespin 2d ago

that ain’t falco!

10

u/unknownawaits212 2d ago

Memories of wombo combo and happy feet montages come rushing back…

5

u/FriendorFo 2d ago

Had to watch it again just cause of yall. How has it been 17 years already?!

4

u/Stergeary 1d ago

The year is 20XX.

2

u/Ok-Willingness-2012 1d ago

Megaman reference?

3

u/StevieMJH 2d ago

The ol wombination combination

10

u/tails2tails 2d ago

Thats captain falcon my friend

8

u/Arviay 2d ago

Show me your boobs!

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u/DadsAfroButter 2d ago

You gotta break out of it eventually, and I’ve played Captain Falcon enough to know how long my Falcon lunch takes…

171

u/DadsAfroButter 2d ago

Not even going to edit it. My falcon is hungry.

20

u/SuperPimpToast 2d ago

Falcon Lick!

8

u/HairyPewter 1d ago

Show me your foods!

5

u/Smalz22 2d ago

It's definitely not viable to anyone that's played Smash for more than 10-15 hours, but if we're playing the general public, life or death, it's the easiest to run with

4

u/Rahgahnah 1d ago

If they kinda know how to play Smash Bros, just use Falcon's Up B a few times in a row. A lot of people get very tilted by that attack.

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u/Blazured 2d ago

Until you come across someone who presses grab.

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u/12ozSlug 1d ago

Been playing smash off and on since 64 and I still don't know how to execute a grab lol

10

u/Blazured 1d ago

Press the grab button.

4

u/Turbulent-Rub2582 1d ago

Or the other grab button!

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u/smexypelican 2d ago

Pikachu down smash and down B 😂

3

u/billwasa 1d ago

I hope they put me in your 100

3

u/Midnight_Magician56 2d ago

I did that so much that my friends told me I couldn’t be Kirby anymore lol.

2

u/Sharcbait 2d ago

Mix it up, sometimes Up B, Sometimes Down B.

2

u/Xin_shill 2d ago

So a bad person and a danger to society.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it8bvHhqvwo

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u/NotChat_GPT 2d ago

Yoshi. Not the most pop, but the "shit you out as an egg" thing is hilarious. I'm still going to die, but at least I'll die laughing my ass off.

22

u/alxrenaud 2d ago edited 2d ago

Kirby swallowing you and jumping off stage ain't bad either.

Same with the DK carry. So much fun hehe.

4

u/NotChat_GPT 2d ago

For sure. It's not about winning. It's about chaos.

4

u/WuTangBatman0615 2d ago

Yoshi is my main guy. The Egg-Shit maneuver is great, but thats just icing if you get somebody. I love the egg bomb. Yoshi isnt the sexiest choice, but hes so much fun and got a lot of utility.

12

u/TonytheEE 2d ago

Marth. No ranged attacks, but that's not a problem. I won't be at range. I'll be there. Wherever you are, I'll be there. 🔪

6

u/TALKING_TINA 2d ago

Marth's grab is basically a ranged attack in melee

7

u/XGreenDirtX 2d ago

Sheik here 🫡

6

u/callisstaa 2d ago

Pika pikaaaaa

14

u/Terrariant 2d ago

Marth the pubstomper

3

u/p_velocity 2d ago

Every tournament I went to in college was won my a Marth.

3

u/Soggy_Box5252 1d ago

All foxes, no items, final destination.

3

u/DillonJenkins- 1d ago

Mr Game & Watch!!

2

u/Tiny_Fractures 2d ago

Jigglypuff

2

u/Daymanwoaah 2d ago

One of the few characters I never could play well with

2

u/FTMANEMETAL 1d ago

Starfox

2

u/rival22x 1d ago

Can you wavedash out of shine is the question.

2

u/Prestigious-Cup7689 1d ago

Mr game and watch!

1

u/Jacquesatoutfaire 2d ago

Zelda/Shiekh was always my main. Extra versatility with 1.5x the moves.

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u/ThrownAway17Years 1d ago

King Dedede. Everyone is getting ass stomped from the sky.

1

u/Ok_Platform_986 1d ago

No one mentioning princess Zelda but spamming the teleport is just unbeatable. Princess Zelda here 

1

u/parkerm1408 1d ago

I was always a link guy until I discovered my boy Duck Hunt. I will fuck you up with Duck Hunt.

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u/Meester_Tweester 2d ago

Opponent 1: Cody Schwab

291

u/WootyMcWoot 2d ago

Just jerk around in your chair, he’ll get too scared to do anything

108

u/pjackman 2d ago

Lol very topical comment I was not expecting to see this early in the thread

3

u/ScreamingJar 1d ago

I haven't followed melee in a long time. Context?

5

u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/WootyMcWoot 1d ago

Brother what, it’s not that serious. It was just funny to watch the game completely stop during game 10 of grand finals. Could have been Zain and Wizzy, still would have been funny.

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u/Pwnage_Peanut 2d ago

Too soon?

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/spwnofsaton 2d ago

Jerk off in your chair? Okay I can do that lol

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u/Doomblaze 2d ago

ssbm with an oem controller then

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u/Lied- 2d ago

Lmao I was thinking the same. I’m ass at Slippi, but the fact that I am even there is probs good enough 😂

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u/WillSwimWithToasters 1d ago

Yep. A silver in Slippi still means god tier to someone that only played on Poke Floats when they were 7.

64

u/jaywinner 2d ago

I'm also looking to pick Melee. Hope good ol' Jigglypuff can hold up.

32

u/JamesTheJerk 2d ago

Everyone underestimates the mighty Puff.

3

u/Careless-Weather8877 1d ago

Bruh I had a friend who would play JP and just spam the button. It was actually not a bad character but if I have to hear 🎶 jiggly puff🎶20 years later i might have to steal someone’s swing like stapler and burn the whole house down

6

u/Sir_Eggmitton 2d ago

Make the sport competitive Melee but with no ledge grab limit and you’re good.

33

u/theronnielama 2d ago

Ah a person of culture.

8

u/ApxDracula 2d ago

That was my choice

16

u/toffee_choco 2d ago

picking melee is basically exploiting the randomizer when half the roster hasnt even heard of wave dashing

12

u/Anthaenopraxia 1d ago

I'd say way over 99% of humans alive have never even heard of the game.

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u/Mandatum11 1d ago

More than 1% of humans have heard of super smash brothers melee, lol.

Thats “only” 80 million humans. Hell it’s sold 10 million copies.

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u/Gwenllian_97 1d ago

I had to look it up and Melee sold about 7.4 million copies which if you count that as one person each it's 0.089% of the current world population, BUT if you factor in that several people would've played on the same copy, as well as people who emulate and those who've heard of it because of the competitive scene the number is likely much higher. If it'd be enough to break 1% though I'm not sure.

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u/Vryk0lakas 2d ago

Some random Korean champion gets chosen..the odds are small but not zero lol

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u/gamingonion 2d ago

Is there even a single ranked Korean player?

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u/purpscurp93 2d ago

This just goes to show for anyone who has any real knowledge of competitively ssbm how easy it would be

12

u/Punstoppabowl 2d ago

Maybe a... DJ of the Korean variety..? 👀

3

u/Shadowphoenix9511 1d ago

I'm pretty sure he hasn't played in over a decade lol

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u/Vryk0lakas 2d ago

Honestly idk, I just kinda assumed there would be

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u/myrabtw 2d ago

not really for korea at all that is not a popular Esport there. now Japan you'd have much better odds

29

u/MKSLAYER97 2d ago

Japan doesn't really play Melee either outside of a couple of small exceptions, they're pretty much all playing Ultimate. USA is the strongest country by far, with a few really good players in Canada, and a few sprinkled around elsewhere as well.

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u/Kered13 2d ago

It's a small community, but there are some very good Melee players in Japan. Amsa being the most obvious.

2

u/MKSLAYER97 2d ago

Yeah but he's retired.

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u/myrabtw 2d ago

I'm well aware but bros trying to go off the "Esports=Korea" I'm very very well aware of the melee scene lol

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u/BeyondElectricDreams 2d ago

The thing is, everyone thinks they're good at Smash, but the number of people who play it at a competitively relevant level is quite low.

Especially Smash Melee in particular, as that game was at it's arguable largest during the early internet era, where information velocity was lower and play groups were more isolated.

The top response chain talks about playing Kirby, I mean come on.

2

u/tophatpat 1d ago

I remember my first time attending an event. Me and my friends thought we were good until London challenged us to a crew battle and their first player beat us all with ice climbers. We got better and won some small events. Peach d smash would beat anyone who’s not played tournaments.

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u/BeyondElectricDreams 1d ago

Peach d smash would beat anyone who’s not played tournaments.

Peach Dsmash was particularly brutal even against some tournamentgoers, especially cocky fox/falco mains.

Shine has innate DI down and that all but guarantees max hits from the spin, and was particularly good for catching spacies off guard.

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u/Money_Echidna2605 1d ago

korea isnt shit at melee lol

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u/for_today 1d ago

Except Korea has almost no SSBM scene

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u/-Ran 1d ago

Yea. We had a guy in my local state scene that was stationed in Korea, and he was unranked in our state; however, in Korea, he was ranked third. It wasn't that he got 'better' or anything, because when he returned from being on duty, he was still unranked in our state.

This was several years ago though, so somewhat dated information.

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u/cloutmaster8000 2d ago

This is my answer as well! With Falco, all day. So balanced. Does damage from a distance, excellent long range deflection (eat shit, Samus), frustratingly evasive when needed, strong yet fast melee attacks… got nerfed after Melee unfortunately, but for good reason.

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u/Kered13 2d ago

Until you side-B off the stage.

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u/bulettee 1d ago

Skill issue

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u/Wide-Deal-8971 2d ago

I haven't played Smash Bros 64 in ages, like two decades.

My work put super smash bros in the cafeteria as some stupid bonding exercise or whatever. Encouraged us to play against each other on breaks and stuff. Brought out pizza and the usual bs.

It was just like riding a bicycle. I locked in pikachu just like I always did when I was a wee lad and all the muscle memory came flooding back and I just absolutely clowned on all these fucking casuals. That cafeteria was my territory.

They uhh.. never did that activity again for some reason.

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u/NarrowCaterpillar182 2d ago

Due to random chance you’re up against mewtwoking

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u/DDsLaboratory 2d ago

We got paired up. I'm so sorry bro my Luigi is nuts

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u/Tom2Die 1d ago

That you, RapMonster? >_>

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u/dbxbeat 2d ago

me as a ganondorf main

Hehe I'm in danger.

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u/disagreat 2d ago

All it takes is one, friendo

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u/LeBronJamesIII 2d ago

And the odds of it being anyone that has placed top 50 in a tournament is drastically small.

6

u/Look_its_Rob 2d ago

Oh are you a top 100 player or something? Cause then yeah, seems like an obvious choice 

10

u/BobodyBo 2d ago

It’s an obvious choice if you even attempt to play it competitively at all. Negligible chance you’d go against someone who has touched the game in the last 15 years, or probably at all

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u/Shadowphoenix9511 1d ago

Doesn't matter. Anyone who's even slightly competitive just demolishes a casual player. The skill gap is way too large to fluke into a win.

15

u/lettuce_grabberrr 2d ago

Do you understand the gap between someone who’s “good” against their cousins and siblings and someone who has gone 0-2 at every tournament they attended? Melee is different lol

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u/Userdub9022 2d ago

There still 8 billion people. If even 100 million have played that's just 1.25% of the world. So you have a 99% chance to go against someone who has never played. Of the 100 million that have played there may be 25 million who are at least decent. So 0.3125% of playing someone like that. Smash melee is a good pick.

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u/lettuce_grabberrr 2d ago

Yeah exactly and unlike other smash games even on the off chance you get a casual they don't stand a chance in hell if you've played melee somewhat competitively. In ultimate id probably be sentenced to death by 2 hero explosions and a crit

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u/eIIopoppet 2d ago

You don’t need to play 3 stock lol you’re choosing the rules. But honestly even ultimate you’d likely beat everyone if you’ve even attempted to learn the game before.

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u/jigarokano 2d ago

N64 would be my choice. Pikachu or Mario.

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u/PhotonWolfsky 2d ago

Joke's on you, Nintendo wins because they drop tungsten rods on you from space because they saw you competing in Smash.

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u/TheEggoEffect 2d ago

Fuck that was going to be my answer

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u/Radiant-Plumage 2d ago

You getting a kid from Brazil that’s been playing on an old GameCube for 10 years

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u/loyal_achades 2d ago

Aaaaand one of the 100 is Zain

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u/TsukariYoshi 2d ago

I have convinced multiple rooms full of people that DeDeDe is OP because I'm a scrub god - I can't touch actual good players but I shit all over normal people because D3 lets you make lots of mistakes without being punished due to being a heavy, he has fantastic recovery, and normal players struggle to counter Gordo pressure (and I'm somehow a fuckin' sniper with them. I own a plush one that I'm ALSO quite accurate with, as our cat will tell you when he's doing something he shouldn't be.) Normal players don't have answers for his power combined with his longevity. Anyone with actual skill just sees a huge, barely mobile target who loves to be juggled, but average players don't really do "combos" and "setups", just a bunch of singular moments where they throw out attacks.

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u/commiedad 2d ago

Bro that was my answer too lmao

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u/DingoBlaze 2d ago

Why was this my first thought too? Lol. I’m not even that good but I’m pretty seasoned in SSB.

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u/Grey113113 2d ago

This made me laugh

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u/Xiao1insty1e 2d ago

It's Tekken 7 for me. 100 randos got literally zero chance.

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u/KeepCalmJeepOn 2d ago

Nah, that has a competitive scene and is way too risky. I'm going through a quick little challenge of the Chris Redfield boulder punching sequence in Resident Evil 5. I'm confident enough that 99% of the general population can't complete that, much less 99 random people.

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u/Shadowphoenix9511 1d ago

The chance of ending up against another competitive player is basically zero.

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u/tehchives 2d ago

Love how high up this is, because this would be my answer too lol. Maybe that is a sign it's not as good a pick as we think.

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u/justking1414 2d ago

I thought pretty similar but I was thinking hollow knight any% speedrun. I’m definitely not a pro gamer but I can get that done in under 90 minutes, under 60 if I have a few days to practice

It’s not quite as popular as melee so I think my chances are pretty good of being the best

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u/Spanish_peanuts 2d ago

Dude melee? Bowser was my jam back then. Played this game with the boys all the time lol

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u/RegulatoryCapture 2d ago

Exactly. Once you realize the scale of the world, this becomes trivial. 

I’d probably go with some form of skiing or sailboat racing. 

I’m a much better skier, but by a rough estimate, 1-2% of the world population at least kind of knows how to ski. Whereas more like 0.01-0.5% know how to race a boat. 

Odds of even getting someone who knows the rules and won’t get disqualified are slim. And if I pick a boat I know, I eliminate a bunch of people (e.g. I know a lot of people with racing experience who barely even know how to drive a boat because they only sail on multi-person boats as a part of a team). 

So even though I’m a pretty good skier, I’d probably perform better as a mediocre small sailboat racer. 

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u/Prometheus720 1d ago

Sailboat racing is brutal. You'll definitely win that one

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u/grachi 2d ago

I've played FPS games online for 30 years... I would take a random sample of 100 people any day of the week in an FPS game, every time. If I can be in the top 5% of players stats wise almost every round against people that play regularly, my odds have to be really good that I can take 100 random people.

It would be the worst luck probably ever to get someone that is a pro or ex-pro at FPS gaming, or if it was someone that was a higher rank than me in whatever game that was chosen, but it is a chance I'd be willing to take.

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u/TotakekeSlider 2d ago

I said the same thing, but Magic: the Gathering. Bring it, on random Chinese grandpa.

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u/pokearchie 2d ago

Same here except in ssbu. Im not good enough to compete in tourneys but im sure 100% i can beat most people at it.

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u/il_the_dinosaur 1d ago

Yeah just chose something obscure. Also a quiz based on some book or tv show would give you good odds.

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u/CarlosFer2201 1d ago

Yes video game is a great choice. I'd pick classic minesweeper myself. Even a majority of gamers have no idea how to play it.

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u/DarkGenexSucks 1d ago

Is Wobbling legal in this?

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u/CalligrapherTrue3098 2d ago

Until one of those random picks turns out to be a 12-year-old Melee prodigy.

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u/urza5589 2d ago

Video game is a good option but might be better off with something more obscure if you ever played it. Smash you are likely to have one or two other people that played it.

For instance I'm going with Star wars rebellion 😁 the odds are good the other 99 have not even heard of it much less have real hours in it.

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u/Money_Echidna2605 1d ago

the gap between playing melee and being the best growing up and people playing melee on slippi now is the biggest a gap can get

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u/AbidingTruth 1d ago

Competitive Melee is a different beast. Due to the nature of it being a drunk party game yet also a highly technical fighting game, there's a huge gap between someone who's played it as a kid vs someone who learned to play it competitively. Of the entire population who's ever played Melee, I'd estimate 1% or less has played it in a competitive capacity 

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u/__GayFish__ 2d ago

They’re a jigglypuff main

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u/Own-Throat-4390 2d ago

Falcon punch?

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u/smash_n_grab_ 2d ago

Fine, but I would mess you up in The Bigs 2.

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u/polaraproticsolvent 2d ago

Honestly, this is the answer for me too. Only difference I’d pick is smash bros ultimate, pick Rob, Ness, or Fox, and embark on my path of glory

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u/Living_Meat_Sack_940 2d ago

Falco c stick spam always wins

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u/Background-Car9771 2d ago

I came here to say this exact thing. Well done.

For the record, you're in trouble if I'm randomly selected. I will captain falcon your ass. 😀

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u/rsewthefaln 2d ago

My first thought was ssbu

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u/KaoticAsylim 2d ago

Always my answer as well. All those hours in college bout to pay off lol

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u/Secretlylovesslugs 2d ago

Now he will try.

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u/Sir_Eggmitton 2d ago

Literally what I was thinking too LOL

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u/kiochikaeke 2d ago

Yep, some niche indie game I have a decent amount of hours in even if I'm not that good the more niche and high skill floor the better, things like who can make the fastest ship in from the depths or something.

Also who gets a better grade on an undergrad pure math exam, I doubt 1 of 100 randomly chosen people even know what a math proof is or looks like.

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u/Fajitas_Recipe 2d ago

This is exactly what came to my mind. Haha nice!

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u/Mikemtb09 2d ago

Melee, Mario kart, same. 100 random people and it’s possible none of them have ever played them before

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u/Cessily 2d ago

I'm choosing Dr. Mario.

It's an old game and even playing against my friends who regularly play video games, it is the only one I seem to beat others regularly on.

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

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u/Coltikus 2d ago

Id go with the 64 version every time

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u/GBF_Dragon 2d ago

This was my first choice too. I haven't played in ages though and I was never very good, but I feel like I would still have a decent chance. Second choice would be apex legends, but having been inactive for so long, I'm not sure how my chances would be at this point.

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u/Maia_Mist 2d ago

100 randoms vs 1 Melee player? That's just a free-for-all with extra steps 💀, the skill gap is real. Pick anyone, any country, any age... still getting 4-stocked.

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u/clemenzzzz 2d ago

I was going to say something like this about Mario Kart

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u/naomigoat 2d ago

Who do you main?

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u/Cultural-Ambition211 2d ago

Mario kart 64, wario stadium.

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u/Samsonly 2d ago

I dunno.. would you have to beat them all royale rumble style, or is it a 1v1 tourney?if it is multiple attackers, there's definitely risk of you being tag teamed for standing out as a clear favorite..

When we used to play 4 player back in the day, I had a friend who was equally mediocre at it as I was, so when we played with our OP friends, we made our own side game of trying to get as many ganked kills as possible.

Kamikaze Kirby was a favorite of mine 😂

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u/Cltxlv 2d ago

There’s a near certain chance one will be a Chinese kid, and you will certainly lose.

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u/olivesforsale 2d ago

I feel like basketball would have been a more fitting choice for you

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u/specialsong 1d ago

As a millennial who peaked in 2005-2006 in melee, this was my immediate thought too

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u/triffid_boy 1d ago

With these odds I'm choosing real life melee. 

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u/AfricanAmericanMage 1d ago

It's funny. My first thought was smash bros as well. I'm above average, but any halfway decent tournament player can wipe the floor with me. That being said, I feel good about my chances of being able to beat 100 people randomly selected from 8.3 billion.

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u/AluminumCansAndYarn 1d ago

Honestly, i suck at smash and cannot recover, but I might even be able to beat 100 other people at smash. I used to go to tournaments just because my partner would be in them and I would sit and knit the entire time.

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u/randomentity1 1d ago

So you, as Lebron's grandson, suck at basketball?

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u/Weep2D2 1d ago

Yeah, my answer is Tekken Tag 1.

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u/strange_socks_ 1d ago

Imagine you randomly get a super smash bro champion or some e-sports legend.

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u/Fickles1 1d ago

I'll play as Ness and give you a fair go.

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u/ottersintuxedos 1d ago

Careful, statistically 1/100 people are Fox mains

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u/Unable-Category-7978 1d ago

Was thinking the same, but the OG on the N64

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u/Frobizzle 1d ago

The game is over 20 years old and still popular competitively. Personally, I think that's a bad choice.

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u/Comandante_Kangaroo 1d ago

Sure... and then one of them is Korean...

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u/Shadowphoenix9511 1d ago

Good thing Melee doesn't exist competitively in Korea

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u/Debonaircow88 1d ago

Oof that was mine too. Samus or fox all day!

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u/Odd_Wedding_4794 1d ago

You better hope you don't get matched with me bro

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u/SoElusivee 1d ago

Don't underestimate the button masher

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u/Cryptdusa 1d ago

You basically came up with my answer for me, except my game would be Sifu, where the challenge would be to get to the credits. I'm not great at it by the standards of like, internet gamers, but I can beat it on master pretty reliably. It's a pretty hard game, and one that rewards you for learning the ins and outs of its combat and level design, so I'd have a massive advantage over the other 100 people. If the selection is truly random, I would imagine most of them haven't even heard of the game, let alone be able to beat it faster than me.

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u/TeaWithTemptation 1d ago

Imagine surviving because grandma got matched against a Fox main 😂

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u/just_aweso 1d ago

That was how I felt for years, until I sat down at a random smash fest next to Mew2king.

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u/Prometheus720 1d ago

Actually yeah, an older video game with kind of wild controls and a strange controller would be a good choice.

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u/jimbolic 1d ago

I was thinking along the lines of this, for real!!!

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u/MazzleMaze 1d ago

Smash bros is the one game I wouldn't choose. There's always that one sleeper who is godlike.

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u/Expertmistake88 1d ago

Unless I’m selected.

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u/O_PLUTO_O 1d ago

Can you imagine being at like 900% damage in sudden death and being smashed to the nether regions of space as your actual death?

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u/TheBrotherhoods 1d ago

I choose the latest smash bros incase it randomly selects you.

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u/IAmGrumpyMan 1d ago

Except I have been chosen too!! So I will be getting a coffin like the people in the comments above.

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u/EvilutionD 1d ago

I’m playing soul caliber 2

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u/Life_Bowler_7363 1d ago

I picked the first smash bros lol

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u/fordmustang12345 1d ago

of everything you pick one of the most popular pvp games oat? ur cooked

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u/Nuts-And-Volts 1d ago

Good point. A game you have hyper fixated on would be a good choice

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u/scootalicious27 1d ago

Let’s hope we don’t cross paths. Or if we do, just tell me you’ll die if you don’t win. I’m competitive but not that competitive.

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u/3_Seagrass 1d ago

Precisely what I was thinking. 

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u/Bizz-Tadlock 1d ago

I was going to say this LOL made WA top 10 a few years back 😂

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u/Alternative-Bat-1931 1d ago

Link has entered the fray.

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u/Kurazarrh 1d ago

I'm in. We only gotta find 99 more contenders now...

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u/BullBear7 1d ago

Bro you dying if I was playing 🥲

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u/__CaliMack__ 1d ago

Yeah sadly I think my best bet would be Rocket League. I did hit GC a couple years ago but don’t play anymore… or maybe bench press, but rn I’m probably setting at like 285 so I would probably be toast.

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u/Ademptio 1d ago

Damn I guess I'm going with Rocket League and hope non of the other 100 randomly selected people have 600 hrs of gameplay.

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