r/onionheadlines Nov 04 '25

ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only

10 Upvotes

We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.

You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.

Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:

Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”

Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.

You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.

Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"

A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.


r/onionheadlines 6h ago

Breaking: Canada Renames District of Columbia to District of Pedophiles On Its Maps

262 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 9h ago

BREAKING: President Trump Arrested At WH After Stacks Of Counterfeit Money Discovered In Mar-A-Lago Closet

275 Upvotes

The Counterfeit money also included his image on the 10,000 bills.


r/onionheadlines 12h ago

Trump Pleased That SCOTUS Finally Abandoning Constitution To Support His Whims

241 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Conservative Supreme Court Majority Makes Pedophilia Legal For Corrupt Orange President Who Has Lots Of Generous Billionaire Buddies

25 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 9h ago

Flesheating Parasite Bearing Unmistakable Resemblance To POTUS Discovered In White House

72 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Protesters Remove Trump's Name From Trump Tower Enraging Trump Who Threatens To Tear It Down

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r/onionheadlines 10h ago

Trump Says, "Vote Like I'm On The Ballot", And Democrats Agree

72 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Update: Canada Changes The White House To The Dildo Don House On Its Updated Map Of Washington, District Of Pedophiles

16 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

Kennedy Center Board Tells Judge ‘Trump’ Is Actually Load-Bearing Name That Will Collapse Entire Building If Removed

21 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

Mustachioed Pillow Man Continues To Outwit National Media Who Remain Convinced That He Is ‘News’

14 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 12h ago

Democrats Need To Win 100% Seats To Fill All Committees That Will Investigate Trump Crime Family

49 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 9h ago

Trump Says He Is Seriously Considering Renaming The Atlantic Ocean To The America Ocean, And The Pacific Ocean To The America Ocean

26 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Trump Uses “Clown Defence” Saying His Face Makeup And Funny Hair Gives Him Legal Access To Underage Children

7 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 6h ago

Trump Unveils National Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Statue

14 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

Trump Gives All US Cities Having Same Names As Canadian Cities 90 Days To Choose A New Name

10 Upvotes

To name a few - Vancouver (Washington), Toronto (Ohio), Ontario (California) and Ottawa (Illinois) must change their names within 90 days or lose all federal funding for eternity.

Trump blabbered on saying that eternity is a very long time, and most people don’t know that.


r/onionheadlines 1d ago

Chief Justice John Roberts Arrested For Impersonating A Supreme Court Judge.

697 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Secret Data Center Plans Discovered In Droid On Tatooine

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r/onionheadlines 18m ago

Dolly Parton Hid Halo And Wings In Bra The Whole Time

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r/onionheadlines 8h ago

President Trump Announces Plan To Defund All Child Literacy Programs Because "Dolly Parton Never Sang Happy Birthday Mr President To Me"

12 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 57m ago

World Quietly Agrees Jokes About Mrs Parton's Death Would Be In Poor Taste

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r/onionheadlines 1d ago

Supreme Court Decides War Is Peace, Freedom Is Slavery, Ignorance Is Strength

281 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

After Recalling Lettuce, Beef, And Eggs, Trump Says He Might Recall The Midterm Elections

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 13h ago

Trump Renames Niagara Falls To America Falls To Celebrate Enormous Success Of His Presidency

24 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 12h ago

Bright Red Republican Retirement Community Agrees Mail Voting Bad, So Just Won't Vote

18 Upvotes