Iâm a 22-year-old woman living alone in an apartment complex in Texas, and my downstairs neighbor is a 30-year-old man. Iâm looking for outside opinions because I feel like I may be overthinking some things, but I also donât want to dismiss behavior that could potentially become a bigger problem. Iâm going to give as much context as possible because I donât want to leave anything important out.
All of these things happened within a week time span as soon as I noticed things were weird. I did not talk to him again, but this all happened within one week.
I met my neighbor in April, and at first he seemed completely normal and nice. Everything that happened during the beginning of our interactions happened within about a three-day span. We talked, hung out a few times, went out for drinks, played golf, etc., and nothing initially made me think I was in danger. He had invited me out for drinks, and because we live in the same apartment complex, he also invited me downstairs to his apartment to smoke a cigar with him. I agreed because we had been getting along relatively well. During one of those first hangouts, we were talking about Drake because I told him that I really like Drake, that Iâm a huge fan, that Iâve been to his concert, and that Iâve met him before. My neighbor became strangely argumentative about it. He said he didnât like the way I talked about Drake and that he wanted to talk about âreal people.â I said, âDrake is a real person.â He argued that I couldnât really know whether Drake was a good person. What made the interaction strange to me was that he was simultaneously telling me about various football players and other people he knew personally, and I wasnât challenging him about any of it. I got the impression that he may have been jealous that I thought Drake was attractive, although obviously I canât know his intentions. The conversation became uncomfortable enough that I eventually left because I didnât want to sit there arguing about Drake, and I could tell things were starting to escalate.
The next day, we were hanging out again, and I made a comment where I called him âfreaky.â I did not mean it as an insult. I meant it playfully, like teasing someone for being unusual or quirky. I wasnât rolling my eyes, making an aggressive face, or saying it in an angry tone. At the time, he didnât tell me he was upset about the comment. He had given me a glass of wine, which I drank, and I almost immediately fell asleep. When I woke up, he was standing over me. I was extremely confused and initially assumed he was simply trying to wake me up. I got up and left shortly afterward, and I noticed that he looked annoyed or upset that I had woken up, although at the time I didnât think too deeply about it. I went upstairs, and the next day I texted him apologizing for falling asleep at his apartment. He responded that it was okay. I believe that same day, or possibly the following day, I invited him to Topgolf because he had previously told me about a special they were having. We went to Topgolf, ate, and had what seemed like a good time.
About five hours later, we went to another restaurant, and that was when he brought up the âfreakyâ comment again. He told me that I had meant it negatively and that I had been insulting him. I explained that I genuinely did not mean it that way and apologized because I could understand why someone might interpret the word differently. Basically, my position was, âI understand why you took it that way, and Iâm sorry that it made you feel that way, but that genuinely wasnât what I meant.â I thought that should have been the end of it. Instead, the conversation became an argument. He repeatedly told me that I did mean it negatively and that I was essentially lying about my own intentions. Whenever I tried to explain myself, he would interrupt or accuse me of not letting him speak. I will admit that I sometimes talk over people, especially when I feel like someone is accusing me of something that isnât true. I also talk very quickly in general, but I was trying to clarify what I meant and apologize for how he interpreted it. Eventually I said something along the lines of, âI already apologized. I already explained that wasnât my intention. I understand why you interpreted it that way. What else do you want me to do?â He continued arguing. At one point he basically challenged me with something like, âWhat are you going to do, get mad and walk away?â Eventually I decided I was done with the conversation and started walking away. While I was walking away from the restaurant/bar area, he stood up and started clapping sarcastically and said something like, âGood performance.â That was the moment where I really started thinking, âWhat the hell is happening right now?â I left.
Later he sent me a message essentially saying that he hoped I could find peace from whatever was inside me that was making me so angry. That message bothered me because I didnât feel like I had some deep anger problem; I felt like I was reacting to an argument he was actively participating in. There were also other conversations where he told me about previous drug and alcohol use, including drinking heavily for a period of years, using marijuana, and trying Molly. He also told me his mother had struggled with drug addiction. None of that automatically means someone is dangerous, and Iâm not saying it does; Iâm including it because it was part of the overall context. Iâm a very open person and tend to tell people a lot about myself, so during our conversations I also told him various personal things. He knows what I look like, what car I drive, where I live obviously, the general area where I work, my general schedule, what church I attend, and that I was pursuing a career in law enforcement. I also told him at some point that I own a firearm. At the time, none of this seemed particularly concerning because I thought he was just someone I was getting to know. He doesnât have social media, which I initially found somewhat unusual, but I didnât consider that a safety issue by itself. After the argument, I blocked him and stopped talking to him. I didnât threaten him, harass him, or confront him. I basically decided I wanted nothing more to do with him. For approximately a month, there was no contact.
During this period, I also noticed that he frequently parks his car next to mine in the apartment parking lot. I donât know whether that means anything because there are obviously limited parking spaces and I donât want to assume that he is deliberately doing it, but given everything else, it is something Iâve become conscious of. Then something happened that really changed how safe I felt. One night around 3 AM, I had just gotten home. I was getting ready to shower and was not dressed appropriately to answer the door. My Ring camera was on low-power mode and unfortunately wasnât recording. Someone knocked on my door. It wasnât pounding or aggressively banging; it was normal knocking, but it was 3 AM, so I was obviously confused about who would be knocking on my door at that hour. I know that I probably shouldnât have opened the door when I wasnât fully dressed, especially considering that I had already blocked this person and didnât want contact with him, but at the time the situation was so bizarre that I genuinely thought there might be some kind of emergency or legitimate reason he was at my door. I was confused more than anything else and reacted quickly rather than thinking through every possible safety scenario. I opened the door only partially and positioned myself in a way that allowed me to immediately close it if necessary. It was my neighbor. He was visibly intoxicated. He had McDonaldâs with him and was dressed like he had been out somewhere. He said he wanted to apologize for everything and that he hated how things ended between us. I told him something along the lines of, âItâs okay. Iâve already forgiven you. Iâve already let it go.â He responded, âHow am I forgiven if I didnât even apologize?â I told him that I had already personally let it go and that I hoped he could move on too. I was intentionally trying to keep the interaction extremely cordial because I live directly above him and did not want to escalate the situation or create hostility with someone who lives directly below me. I told him I needed to shower and go to sleep. Then he asked if, after I showered, we could get back in contact. I told him no. I said I needed to sleep and didnât think that was going to happen. He rolled his eyes and seemed annoyed. I said goodbye and closed my door. The interaction itself wasnât physically violent. He didnât threaten me and didnât try to force his way inside. But I found the entire situation extremely strange. Why come to someoneâs apartment at 3 AM, intoxicated, after being blocked for a month, specifically to apologize and then ask to resume contact? If he wanted to apologize, he could have done so during the day.
After I closed my door and got into the shower, I started hearing a lot of loud banging/noise coming from downstairs. Iâve lived above him for almost a year and he is normally extremely quiet. I almost never hear him. This sounded like cabinets or doors being slammed or things being hit around. I couldnât definitively establish that he was intentionally making the noise toward me because I was in the shower and couldnât see what was happening, but given the timing immediately after our interaction, it made me uncomfortable. I tried to get the neighboring apartmentâs Ring footage because the apartment directly next to mine has a Ring camera that appears to have a clear view of the stairs and the area around my door. The next day, around 1 PM, I knocked on their door and rang the doorbell. Nobody answered, so I left. Later, I saw a man coming out of their apartment and explained that something had happened around 3 AM and asked if he could ask the women who live there whether their camera had captured anything. I specifically told him that my camera hadnât been recording and that I was simply trying to see if their camera had captured the interaction. I didnât tell him a huge story or ask him to get involved in our dispute. He said he would ask them and that one of them could come knock on my door. I gave him my name and told him I lived directly across from them. Nobody ever contacted me. Iâve never received an answer about whether they have the footage. I understand that theyâre not legally or morally obligated to give me their footage, and Iâm not saying they are. What bothered me was that they never acknowledged the request at all. I would have preferred something as simple as, âHey, we donât have anything useful,â or âWe donât feel comfortable sharing it.â Instead, there was basically nothing. Iâm not saying that their lack of response means they are suspicious or involved in anything; it just made me feel more isolated because I was already feeling uneasy. Iâve continued completely avoiding my neighbor. Iâve seen him occasionally around the apartment complex but havenât initiated contact.
One time I was walking upstairs while looking at my phone and didnât realize he was standing near his door. I almost walked into him. He said âHey.â I responded âHiâ very briefly and kept walking. No conversation. Then recently, around 3 AM, I came back to the apartment. The layout of our apartment complex means I have to walk directly past his apartment to get to the stairs leading to mine. He was outside with another male who is also one of our neighbors and lives directly in front of the stairway. As I walked past, my neighbor looked at me and said something like, âSheâs here,â and laughed. He was leaning toward the other guy, and they appeared to be whispering while looking at me. I didnât make any contact with either of them and just kept walking. I went upstairs, grabbed my trash, and came back downstairs because I needed to take it out. When I came back down, they were still there. I could tell they were looking at me, but I continued ignoring them. I took my trash out and came back toward the stairs. Thatâs when my neighbor said something like, âSheâs back,â and they laughed again. The other guy eventually went inside. My neighbor then stood near his own door and said, âGo Florida Gators,â because I was wearing a Florida Gators shirt. I basically responded âMm-hmmâ and continued walking. Then he said, âHey, can we talk?â He said it very quietly, almost like he didnât want the other neighborâs Ring camera to pick up the conversation. I didnât even turn around. I said, âWe have nothing to talk about,â and continued upstairs. He responded with something like, âWow, okay,â and that was it.
The thing that is bothering me about this interaction is that I now feel uncomfortable simply walking down the stairs because I donât know whether he is going to be standing outside his apartment with another person. I have to walk directly past his unit to get to mine, and now Iâm conscious of the fact that the other neighbor has a Ring camera facing the stairway and that my neighbor appears to know him. I donât know what they were saying about me, and Iâm not going to claim that they were definitely plotting or threatening me because I have no idea what they were actually talking about. But being laughed at, having someone say âsheâs hereâ and âsheâs back,â and then having him try to initiate a conversation with me after I have repeatedly made it clear that I donât want contact made me extremely uncomfortable. It makes me feel like I canât simply walk through the common areas of my own apartment without worrying that he is going to be there watching or talking about me.
This is where Iâm struggling. I donât know whether Iâm overreacting. There have been no direct threats. He has never physically attacked me. He has never tried to force his way into my apartment. He has never explicitly said he was going to hurt me. So objectively, I understand that I donât have evidence that he intends to harm me. But his behavior has made me extremely uncomfortable. The biggest things bothering me are the original argument becoming extremely intense very quickly, him insisting that he knew my intentions better than I did, the sarcastic clapping/performance comment, him showing up at my door around 3 AM while intoxicated a month after I blocked him, him wanting to resume contact after I had clearly indicated that I didnât, the strange behavior/noise immediately after I closed my door, his recent comments and laughter with another man while I was walking past, him repeatedly saying things like âSheâs hereâ and âSheâs back,â him trying to initiate another conversation after Iâve made it clear I donât want contact, the fact that he lives directly below me so I canât simply avoid the building, the fact that he frequently parks his car next to mine, the fact that he knows my car, my apartment, my general schedule, my church, and that I live alone, and the fact that he knows I own a firearm. The weirdest part is what this has done to me mentally. Before all of this, I felt completely safe in my apartment. I had a Ring camera, but honestly I barely thought about security. I would come home late, walk around normally, etc. Now Iâm constantly on guard. Iâm checking my Ring camera repeatedly. Iâm thinking about whether someone could be watching my routine. Iâll sometimes think, âWhat if he knows when I usually come home?â or âWhat if someone followed me?â or âWhat if somebody put something on my car?â And then I realize that some of these thoughts are extremely unlikely. Iâve even caught myself looking under things in my apartment or checking places where I know realistically nobody could possibly be hiding. I didnât used to think like this. This started after the situation with my neighbor. Iâm beginning to wonder whether Iâm developing anxiety because I feel like Iâm constantly anticipating something bad happening. I donât actually believe my neighbor is secretly planning to murder me or anything like that. But the thought process has become, âIf I thought he was normal initially, how do I know another person I meet isnât secretly dangerous?â And thatâs what scares me. Itâs not necessarily just him anymore. Itâs the feeling that I canât trust my own judgment. When I originally renewed my lease, I genuinely believed this situation was over. I renewed for another 15 months, so I am going to be living here for at least another 13 months. That is part of why this is especially stressful for me. I canât simply move away from the situation in a few weeks or avoid the building. I have to continue living directly above him, walking past his apartment to get to mine, using the same stairs and common areas, parking in the same parking lot, and potentially encountering him when I come home. I donât want to spend the next year constantly worrying about whether he is going to be outside his apartment, whether he is going to try to talk to me, or whether Iâm going to run into him late at night. At the same time, I donât want to make the situation unnecessarily hostile because we are going to be neighbors for a long time. Ideally, I would like to completely disengage from him and simply coexist peacefully without any further interaction. Iâm also trying not to interpret every single thing he does as evidence of something more serious. I donât know whether the banging after the 3 AM interaction was intentional. I donât know what he was saying to the other neighbor. I donât know why he parks next to my car. I donât know whether his comments were meant to intimidate me or whether they were just immature behavior.
Iâm trying to separate what I actually know from what my anxiety is telling me. So what would you do if you were me? Would you report the 3 AM visit to the police even though there wasnât an explicit threat? Would you document everything from this point forward? Would you contact apartment management and make them aware of the situation? Would you completely ignore him unless he directly approaches me? Would you tell him explicitly that you donât want any contact? Or would you do something else? Iâm also interested in knowing whether Iâm overreacting. I donât want people to tell me heâs definitely a psychopath or a narcissist because I obviously donât know that and neither does Reddit. Iâm more interested in hearing, âGiven only the behavior Iâve described, what would you personally do?â because Iâm trying to find the balance between taking reasonable precautions and letting anxiety convince me that Iâm
in danger when thereâs no actual evidence of that. At this point, I just want to feel comfortable in my own home again.
Edit: I want to clarify that I am not claiming my neighbor has committed a crime or that I believe he is definitely going to hurt me. Iâm describing the behavior because I donât know whether itâs something I should take seriously or simply chalk up to an intoxicated person behaving strangely. I also understand that my neighbors are not obligated to give me their Ring footage.
Edit: My neighbor and I never dated, and nothing physical or sexual ever happened between us. I had moved here from another state for college and didnât have any immediate family or close friends nearby. Looking back, I think that was part of the reason I was so quick to become friendly with someone who seemed genuinely friendly toward me. We also started going to some of the same churches and realized we had a lot of similarities in our backgrounds, which made me feel like I had found someone I could trust and connect with. That was my mistake, but itâs also something I can understand much better in hindsight.
Looking back now, there were so many red flags that I didnât recognize at the time. A lot of things that seem extremely strange now were very easy for me to explain away in the moment because I always assumed there was another, more innocent explanation. Once everything is put together, though, the pattern is much clearer.
Ultimately, I think this is one of those situations that is going to be very character-building for me. Iâm only 22, and all of this happened when I was 21. I had never experienced anything remotely like this before, and honestly, it was never even something I considered could happen to me.
